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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To eat dinner separately to my DC?

23 replies

daisychainer · 05/05/2018 18:50

I’m a single parent. I usually eat my meals with the DC, but I’m realising how little I am enjoying resolving dinner time disagreements and speed eating my food, which is meaning I’m not really paying attention to what I’m eating and I’m not enjoying what I’m eating at all.

I’m so tempted to eat at a different time, but the problem with that is that I find cooking for one such a pita, that on days the kids aren’t here I often eat really badly. So eating with them/cooking for us all at least makes me eat a proper meal, but I don’t enjoy it because meal times are usually over in less than 5 minutes. Help?!

OP posts:

cardibach · 05/05/2018 18:53

Don’t speed eat. Eat as you want even if you are mediating at the same time. Model the expectation of slow eating and discussion at table. The success of this will depend on the ages of your DC though.

jhb2013 · 05/05/2018 18:54

Can you cook something for all of you and heat your portion up later? Like a pasta bake and just keep a section back for you in the oven on low?

Original poster

daisychainer · 05/05/2018 18:57

At the moment we eat at 5.30. By the time I get both kids to bed it will be 9pm. So I’m not even sure most meals would survive in the oven for that long! Eg tonight we had fish in breadcrumbs with pasta and veg.

I could try and make more stuff that would reheat easier, but my youngest is super fussy and doesn’t like stuff like stew etc that I can do in the slow cooker.

OP posts:

user1471546851 · 05/05/2018 18:59

My DC's are 4 and 2. I make one meal and they have it about 5ish.
I then have mine about 7.30 when their in bed and just heat it up and relax to eat it!
Do the same on weekends when DH Is home too.

CrazedZombie · 05/05/2018 18:59

How old are the kids? What time do they eat? Would you eat the same as them (reheated later) or 2 different meals altogether?

I'm a single parent and with all the extras that my teens do, we often end up being separately which is fine. They can cook themselves which is very helpful and useful.

Original poster

daisychainer · 05/05/2018 18:59

9 and 6

OP posts:

Believeitornot · 05/05/2018 19:01

Keep eating with them and accept that a) family meals are not a culinary experience and b) it’s good to model sensible table manners etc.

You could save something for the evening eg a nice dessert.

Huffinpuff · 05/05/2018 19:02

They are old enough to learn table manners, which includes polite conversation, eating slowly and complimenting the chef.

frenchfancy · 05/05/2018 19:06

Why don't you have 2 days a week were you eat separately. Give them stuff you don't like much then you get to have something they don't like.

skislope · 05/05/2018 19:09

Food is one of the nicest pleasures in life. I couldn't eat that early and wouldn't enjoy either! I cook separate meals (or one but reheat later). Life is too short to not savour your food! Plus they're old enough now to eat alone :-)

Highhorse1981 · 05/05/2018 19:18

I’m wondering why meal times so rushed.
At that age they should be encouraged to eat politely and food not scoffed, and engage, and wait to leave the table until last person finished.

AlonsoTigerHeart · 05/05/2018 19:21

At that age they should be behaving properly at the table really.
And if they couldn't manage I'd be sending them up for bed early with no dinner

colditz · 05/05/2018 19:33

I'm a single parent too, and I didn't eat with mine when they were little. I don't want to eat at 5pm and I DON'T want to eat with an ADHD 5 year old and any 2 year old. I sat with them while they ate, I encouraged nice sitting and using forks and good manners - but I saved my own meal until after their bedtime.

youwouldthink · 05/05/2018 20:17

9 and 6 year olds shouldn't be causing this problem. I was thinking they were toddlers

Original poster

daisychainer · 05/05/2018 20:29

The 6 yo eats less than me and faster than me.

OP posts:

Ledkr · 05/05/2018 20:36

We do about half and half! Dinner time can be a chimps tea party at times so sometimes is nice to relax with dinner and a glass of wine. No shame in that.
Me and dh don't get out a lot so enjoy sitting at the table as if we are at a restaurant.

Original poster

daisychainer · 05/05/2018 20:38

I think maybe I am more aware of it and how frustrating it is on the weekend when I am having all 3 meals with them. Maybe on weekends I should have my evening meal when they are in bed. At least then I will have one unhurried meal.

OP posts:

Highhorse1981 · 05/05/2018 21:15

Sounds a good plan

Without fail I have breakfast alone. I need that time!

Original poster

daisychainer · 05/05/2018 21:24

From another thread I’m looking at the morning miracle and thinking about trying to get up earlier to have some time to myself before the DC get up. Including breakfast!

OP posts:

tarheelbaby · 05/05/2018 21:28

We usually eat separately from the DDs (10 & 7). They are starving at 5pm and have a reasonable but short list of favourites. Also, DDs often have activities in the evening which clash with civilised dinner so eat earlier or have sandwiches en route. DH needs to work later but he & I can eat together 7- 7:30 ish. Then we can have some sensible conversation as DDs sort out their kit or settle down to read.

I never expected to do things this way but it works for us. Even on the weekends, we rarely sit together as a foursome but there's more to family life than meals en famille. Before my parents divorced, we ate every meal together. After the split, I regularly ate with one or the other but none of that - before or after - made a whit of difference. I actually resented eating (crappy) breakfasts & dinners with my mother. So don't torture yourself in any way - do what works for you and your family.

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 05/05/2018 22:25

Agree with PP about heating your portion up later. I cook for all of us but DCs eat about 5-6 and DH doesn't get home until 8 so he eats then - just reheating whatever I've made. (I sometimes eat with DCs sometimes with DH).

Mumofkids · 05/05/2018 22:33

I'm confused as to why a 6 yr old eating fast would affect your meal? At 6 if they've finished they can get down from the table. Why can't you eat at your own pace? My 2 and 5 year olds finish before everyone else but they can just get down and play or watch tv while we finish. I don't expect the 2 yr old to sit for too long. 6 and 9 would be fine. We eat at 6pm as I cannot be doing with clearing up twice!

DelphiniumBlue · 05/05/2018 22:57

At 6 & 9 they should be able to sit at the table and eat their meal in a civilised fashion. But it doesn't come naturally to all of them.

My DC are grown-up now, but we made a big thing of decent table manners, and a few things helped: having a good supply of conversation topics, so they're not getting bored, and a made-up game called "table manners", where we'd take in turns to come up with extreme/ridiculous examples of bad table manners. It was fun, and got the point across. And kept them talking, rather than mucking about.

I saw on Pinterest recently an idea which might help - a list of conversation topics, each written on a lolly stick and kept in a jar - included things like "would you rather...", "which superhero would win in a battle of....." and "what would your favourite meal/picnic be?".

I think it's really useful for them to get used to the idea that mealtimes aren't just about shovelling your food down as quickly as possible, but are a time for conversation. And in our house, no-one was allowed to get up from the table before everyone was finished. That was also useful as it meant as everyone was there at the end of the meal, they could all help with clearing the table!

I know being a single parent can often be an exhausting task, and personally, I think having 2 servings of meals is just more work, but you have to do what works for you.

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