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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How is your meal?

18 replies

Basta · 05/05/2018 17:28

Is it horribly entitled of me to wish that waiters and waitresses would not ask me if I'm happy with my meal while I have a mouth full of food?

I eat out on my own quite a lot, and this almost always happens. I end up feeling awkward and having to nod manically, or feeling annoyed that I'm not able to speak if there is anything I want to communicate. Frankly I'd rather they didn't bother to ask, as it seems to be just a case of ticking a box.

Or should I just thank my lucky stars I'm able to eat out?

OP posts:

Smeddum · 05/05/2018 17:30

Haha DP and I have a secret challenge that we won’t get caught out with a mouthful of food

I think it’s something they have to do, rather than want to do, and it wouldn’t be easy to try and gauge who does/doesn’t have a mouthful on a busy restaurant floor. So I guess they feel just as awkward if that helps.

araiwa · 05/05/2018 17:32

They do it it early/ mid meal to stop CFs complaining at end and expecting it free after theyve eaten it all

SendintheArdwolves · 05/05/2018 17:33

I can see that it's annoying, but they are trained to ask - that means that if there is a problem (you'd like salt, the food is not quite what you ordered, you'd like more bread, water, etc) you don't have to catch a server's eye and flag them down while your food goes cold.

As for them asking while you have a mouthful of food - I guess that once the food is in front of you, most of the time you will have a mouthful of food, as you will be...y'know...eating your dinner. It would be very hard for them to co-ordinate swooping in and asking you just as you've finished one mouthful but before you have the next. Unless you leave massively long pauses between each bite or something.

LemonShowboat · 05/05/2018 17:34

I’ve convinced myself that they do it just as you put a forkful in your mouth on purpose so that you can’t get the words out to complain! I always just nod and smile (mouth closed!)

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/05/2018 17:34

They have to ask. A thumbs up should do the trick if your mouth is full OP 👍

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 05/05/2018 17:43

Ha ha ha-I think exactly the same as Lemon

Coconut0il · 05/05/2018 17:44

When we used to have mystery diners it was one of the things they checked for. We used to get a %result and not asking could knock your score right down!

Original poster

Basta · 05/05/2018 17:44

I don't mind being asked - that's not really my point - but I don't think it can be that hard to gauge when someone has just swallowed a mouthful, rather than just put food into their mouth. You can surely look at the diner/s as you're approaching the table, can't you?

For example it happened again today, and I felt so "caught out" that I completely forgot to remind the waitress that no one had brought me the drink I ordered.

Maybe I'm just odd...

OP posts:

Gottagetmoving · 05/05/2018 17:46

I don't mind being asked once but we have been out for meals and been asked three or four times whilst eating! That does annoy me, especially when they can see we are having a conversation and interrupt.

Oldraver · 05/05/2018 17:57

Yes, yes, yes...Why can't they just leave it until the end of the meal...

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/05/2018 18:04

I eat out a lot and really don't see this as a problem, if I'm eating when asked if everything is ok I will smile and nod. They aren't expecting a running commentary on what you think of the food just an acknowledgement that you've been asked.

Original poster

Basta · 05/05/2018 18:26

I eat out a lot and really don't see this as a problem, if I'm eating when asked if everything is ok I will smile and nod.

That's fine if everything is ok. But if not it doesn't give you a chance to say so, in which case it's not really worth asking the question. You're just going through the motions.

It's like having a questionnaire where there are only tick boxes for "excellent" or "good".

OP posts:

SendintheArdwolves · 05/05/2018 18:30

Yes, yes, yes...Why can't they just leave it until the end of the meal...

Ummm, is this a joke

If there is a problem with the food, what's the point of waiting until the END of the meal? It's too late to do anything about it then.

I don't think it can be that hard to gauge when someone has just swallowed a mouthful, rather than just put food into their mouth

Oh FFS, have you ever been a waiter? It's (frequently) a thankless, low-paid, low status job, where you're expected to be nice to everyone, no matter how poorly they speak to you or how insanely high their expectations are. You get it in the neck from the kitchen if a customer has made a load of fussy demands, and from the guests if the kitchen has fucked up.

Apparently, you're also supposed to watch each diner like a hawk to gauge their chewing and swallowing rate, then glide in at the perfect moment so that they don't feel "caught out".

Blimey.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/05/2018 18:32

Yes I understand, but if there was a problem with the food you'd have call the waiter over yourself to speak to them as quickly as you could making sure your mouth was empty.

Lifeaback · 05/05/2018 18:40

Assuming you've never worked as a waitress before then? They have 101 things to be doing, watching you for 5 minutes to gauge whether or not your mouth is full and then time their approach perfectly is very time consuming and on a busy shift is just not possible.

If they come over to check if everything is okay and you have an issue but have your mouthful, is it really so hard to shake your head rather than nod so they wait until you're able to speak? Chewing food only takes a matter of seconds ffs.

There are much bigger issues in the world to get caught up on OP

Original poster

Basta · 05/05/2018 19:03

... watching you for 5 minutes to gauge whether or not your mouth is full and then time their approach perfectly is very time consuming...

Chewing food only takes a matter of seconds ffs.

Well which is it then??

I have been a waitress, and I'm sure we were meant to observe guests in this situation, but it was in a very small hotel where everyone ate at a fixed time, so a bit different.

And yes, of course there are bigger issues. Sorry I didn't start an AIBU thread about Syria.

OP posts:

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 05/05/2018 19:07

I hate being asked while I have a mouthful of food. And I also hated being a waitress and having to interrupt people's meals to ask them!

Angie169 · 05/05/2018 19:22

I do not mind been asked at all , but on one occasion while out with family and friends ( 9 of us ) we were in a very well known pub / restaurant chain place and we were served by two different staff one for the drinks one for the food , the drinks came first as you would expect with in 2 mins the drinks waiter was back to ask if everything was ok , um yesss our drinks are fine,
food arrives a bit later , missing one portion of chips - - 'oops sorry will get them now '
drink waiter came back ' is everything ok ?'
we are waiting for some chips but yes otherwise fine
food waiter seen at the bar ( working ) comes over after a few mins , 'is everything ok? '
No , we are still waiting for the chips .
oh didnt he bring them ( points to another member of staff that we had not spoken to at all )
No thats why we are still waiting
oh sorry I will go get them my self
5 mins later still no chips
family member goes to bar and ask again ,
oh . . . .has finished her shift would you like to order a extra portion of chips ?

NO ! we want the ones we ordered 25 mins ago ( ok may be not the exact ones they would be cold ) ! in the mean time the drinks waiter came over again and asked if everything was ok .
got the chips 35 mins after the rest of us got our meal .

FFS

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