More of a wwyd, when your child is bad at something?

[Theowlthecatandthemoon]

Don't want to give too much detail as I know some of the other parents are mumsnetters.

My 9 year old absolutely loves a certain sport, lives and breathes it, I can't put into words how much they love it, but, and it's a big but, has never been naturally good at it.

I have tried getting them involved in different activities related to their chosen sport, but it's quite clear they stick out like a sore thumb.

I know how horrible that must sound, and I've never and would never say this to my child, but it's just clear to see.

Anyhow, by some miracle a friend of a friend has let my child join a club they run, playing this sport, I think they were desperate for committed people and could see mine had the enthusiasm. The thing is they look the part and have the right build for this sport, and talk as if they'd be great with bags of enthusiasm.

It's early days but it's not going great.

I don't know how long I give it or how honest I should be. It's almost like when those people go in X factor and everyone thinks they are going to be really good then can't sing, and everyone wonders why their family didn't stop them.

Honestly I know how awful I sound, and I have been nothing but kind and encouraging to my child.

I'm all for the sport for enjoyment, exercise and all of that but where do you draw the line with team sports if you're letting the side down?

Let them play, they'll work it out at for themselves at some point. Is there not a B team?

my DB plays a sport to a high level, as in - represented GB, he is naturally talented and could probably do pretty well at whatever he wanted to take up. He has friends through the sport too, some of whom are equally naturally talented, and some who work twice as hard as everyone else just to try to be that same level, because they don’t have the natural ability - but still compete at a really good level because they put in so much effort, and train a lot and try really hard . It might never be a career for your DC, but don’t dampen the enthusiasm, with enough commitment and dedication - it can be mastered technically, without the natural ability, and go on to be a really great hobby for many years.

There's more to sport that the winning. Its a social thing, team play, establishing friendships. Don't destroy enthusiasm for all those things if they enjoy the activity.

My dd stuck gymnastics out until she realised she wasn't very good.. She changed to helping on a farm instead and is flourishing.

My parents thought (correctly) that I was rubbish at ballet as a small child and so directed me into other stuff. However, as I got older I discovered that I was actually quite good in some respects and as an adult dance ballet quite seriously as a hobby. I wish I had done more when I was younger.

How important is it that they should be good at it?

Should everybody who would look silly on X-Factor stop singing or is it just a case of not going on X-Factor?

Is it a sport you can only do if you are in the public eye? Or is there a way they can go on enjoying it even if they aren't showcase material?

My db was pretty hopeless at his chosen sport, nobody would have picked him to represent his club or his school or anything else. But he did learn it very well and ended up coaching juniors for many years.

My dd loved ballet and kept going for many years though it was obvious that her disability would get in the way of her ever becoming a dancer. But she enjoyed it and learnt things that have stood her in good stead elsewhere.

Play up, play up, and play the game.

It really doesn't matter that your child isn't good at the sport. Enjoyment and team work are hundreds of times more important than performance or technical brilliance.

Also, the poor child is 9 ffs. Children are terrible at most things. Doesn't mean they shouldn't do anything

Let the child do what they like to do and stop hovering.

My parents decided I had "no ball sense" and made kind but worried faces about how obviously non sporty I was. I duly capitulated around age 10 and sat at an embarrassed distance from all sporting activities.

Turns out they were just projecting their own insecurities onto me. As an adult I'm athletic and love to be outside. Sadly because they got antsy about me never doing things that I wasnt "naturally" good at, I've had to work hard as an adult to build hand eye coordination. Whereas if they'd just allowed me to be shit at things when I was 9, I would have picked all that up quite cheerfully.

No one is "naturally" good at anything. Folk just learn at different paces. You only get good at things in one way - by practicing. Don't shut your child out of enjoyment and later excellence because you are uncomfortable with how slowly they learn. You would be setting them up for such misery.

Do they have to be good at it? Is it not enough that they just enjoy doing it?

Whereas if they'd just allowed me to be shit at things when I was 9

Give yourself unlimited permission to be shit at anything, at any age, if you enjoy it and aren't hurting anyone (so maybe not neurosurgery, but you know what I mean).

If he wants to do it let him do it. I spent my childhood doing two sports, one individual and one team. I was shit but had the time of my life. I knew I wasn’t going to be an international (or county or anything) but it was great fun.

If clubs are selective it’s up to them who can play. If your DC can’t achieve the required standard, fair enough.

If clubs are nonselective there isn’t a problem unless your DC stops enjoying it.

I muddled through youth orchestras being pretty bad at playing, but meeting the basic standard to get and stay in. Knew the other players were way better but still loved it all!

I agree and disagree with the answers.

As an adult I can do something, see I'm not particularly good and choose to do it for enjoyment and know I won't get to the top level.
As a child in theory they can do the same. Some children can. My Ds likes being back row of a chorus line. He's involved but not exposed.

But it's not as simple as that. The child probably won't realise by themselves they're weaker-I've certainly played tennis with people that can hardly hit a ball who have gone in and signed up for matches, and been put out when gently told they're not ready yet.

So assuming it's a team sport, you potentially have week after week if the child hoping to be picked for a team, and not managing it. Or just getting their turn in the B team. That can be quite demoralising for a child.
You also have other children's reactions. If it's a team game they may have groans to find they're on the same team. Comments of "you're rubbish" and "we lost because if you".

Yes, the coach should stop remarks, but they will happen.

The op isn't saying that she can't bear for her DD to do something that she isn't good at but more how does she deal with the probable upset.

But OP, it may be she comes into her own. If she's determined and practices etc she may improve. At the tennis club I grew up in, the men's champion for many years was once the weakest of a not very good group of teen boys.
What changed it was his determination to keep going and time and effort he put into practice.
She may, if she puts a lot of extra effort in become a good player. Meanwhile I'd manage her expectations by talking about the fun of playing and just enjoying it and not worrying about being top/teams etc.

Just let your child crack on with it, cheer them on, and if they get booted off the team commiserate and look for something else.

PrizeOik it's funny, my brother made the exact same comment about my mother recently! Personally I think children clearly have different levels of ability, and I find it excruciating sometimes to watch DS struggle, so I know where my mum was coming from. But I will heed my brother's advice and never discourage DS even if he does clearly suck at something.

If he enjoys doing the sport then it really doesn't matter how good or shit he is-fun is the key as far as I'm concerned.

Everybody runs out of natural talent at some point. If you start out with none you learn how work things out and get better from the start. If you never do any work and get to a semi-pro level before your natural talent runs out you're screwed because you don't know to get better any more.

Thanks all, overall then just let him crack on is the response.

Personally I couldn't give two hoots if my child is shit at something, I'll still be their biggest fan, I just want them to be happy and do what they love especially if they're making friends and keeping fit.

I'm certainly not under any disillusion that they'll be professional, or maybe they will, who knows for sure. Of course there's loads of time and scope for improvement.

But I suppose I want to protect them from potential unkind comments or embarrassment. At the end of the day some sports are competitive I guess dc will figure out for themselves if competing is not for them?

At the end of the day some sports are competitive I guess dc will figure out for themselves if competing is not for them?

Yes, I think so.

Good call OP.

This so why sports are rubbish

It shouldn't matter if you are iOS or not good everyone who enjoys it should be given the chance to play and take part

No wonder kids are getting fat! They should be encouraged because it's a fund thing to do

Really it shouldn't matter if your dc is good at this sport. If they enjoy playing it, then no reason not to continue. I really hope no one is unkind to them, that would be appaling.

If anything, commitment should be lauded over natural talent.

I wanted to say how this thread has struck a chord with me as well. I am hopeless at sport, and tried playing it at school, but felt bullied by teachers who only wanted naturally sporty girls on the teams. It really put me off sport for a long time.

Sport doesn't need to be competitive, and certainly should be inclusive

Some sports do need to be competitive, but I would welcome a wider choice for kids in PE than we got. So you could opt for football or sprinting, but you could also choose yoga or aerobics. We just had to do what we were slung into.

Do primary schools still do the 'choosing teams' thing so all the slow and overweight kids get utterly humiliated? I really hope not.

I've watched my dd, from when she first started playing football (with the boys) at 7, then as part of a girls' team from 9. Some of the players she still plays alongside at 16, were part of those first teams at 9. I can categorically say that different players have developed and matured at different rates and in different ways. The absolute star at U10s and U11 is very much 'just part of the team' now. The strongest player by far now, was very much 'someone who turned up because they enjoyed it' at 9.
Don't write your dd off!
Everyone should be able to take part in sport, at whatever level they may be. At 9, everyone is good enough to be part of the team. That's how they learn and improve.