To panic that I’m less able to express myself clearly and communicate?

[NameChangeTimeNow]

This is a bit of a random one, but please bear with me!

I’ve always loved reading and writing, and always felt comfortable expressing myself when writing.

At school, my favourite subjects - and the ones I felt most suited to - were essay-based subjects and languages, but I never really enjoyed more logic-based subjects like maths or science.

After leaving school, I studied languages at university and became fluent in another language, and I still practise it daily.

I’m worried that I’m not able to communicate clearly and effectively in English, and wonder if part of the reason is because I’ve got better at the second language (I have no idea if this could be the reason).

I just find it difficult to explain what I mean and what I’m trying to say, even for really simple and straightforward situations, and it seems to be happening more and more, which is worrying me a bit!

I also wonder if one of the reasons behind it is because I’ve been through a few changes recently and feel less confident and less sure of myself. I’ve recently moved house and have also started a new job after a long time out of work, which I guess are both big adjustments to get used to in a short space of time.

It’s a bit of a long story but I finished university a couple of years ago, and struggled to find work.

I then started a training course which left me feeling really down and depressed over quite a while, so I decided to resign from it. After that, I found it difficult to find a new job, but have just started full-time work again a couple of weeks ago.

The job now is totally different to anything I’ve ever done before, and it’s challenging but really enjoyable. I just feel like I’m getting abit shy and losing my confidence, as I can’t express myself clearly and eloquently, and often speak too quickly or jumble up my words

I’ve no idea why it’s happening, but I think I’m still feeling nervous and worried about the new job and wanting to prove myself. I wish I could feel more confident. I really want to.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can improve my communication skills and confidence please? I’m starting to feel there’s something wrong with me!!

No advice, but your post is written very clearly if that helps at all to reassure you.

Sorry, I sounded rather abrupt there - not intentionally. I should have said, I'm not fluent in a second language, so haven't been in this situation.

I speak several languages and I noticed that my communication skills in my native languages get worse when I speak another language for a while. I also start using grammar typical for the foreign language in my native languages.

However if it is too bad I would see a doctor. Could be a sign of something more serious.

Your post sounds well written by the way but I am not a native speaker.

Imagine you have the world's biggest fat arse.

(i'm not kidding, so bear with me here- there is a point)

There is nothing wrong with your written communication, I would therefore guess that it is speaking to others you are struggling with?

I have been having the same problem although I had an extensive vocabulary and was an eloquent writer. When it came to talking it was as if there was a word jumbler between my brain and my mouth. My written communication on the other hand was succinct and clear. To compensate for my perceived weakness in speaking I started paying more attention to my written communication. I am not a native english speaker but the power of reading helped me go a long way. May I suggest a toastmasters group local to you. I attended a taster session at mine and they were warm, friendly and really supportive. I felt really bad when I could not continue as the timings were not suitable. I plan to rejoin sometime in the near future to correct the disparity between my spoken and written communication.

You have a great command of English, and put the commas in the right places! I'm sure you have the capacity to express yourself eloquently verbally as well, but this might be affected by anxiety and self-judgement?

The more you judge yourself, the more it will affect your confidence to speak. It sounds like your expectations of yourself are too high? You don't have to express yourself perfectly, will 'good-enough' do?

OP, if you read your original post you will see that you are well able to communicate and express yourself well. Writing however is a very different beast to conversing.

When writing, you can fully focus on your answer/response. You can re-read what you have written and edit it before submission. When you speak to someone, you don't have the same amount of time to formulate a response and a fair bit of your attention is focused on the person you are talking to, rather than what is being said.

Oh and there is no way of editing.

This is normal, so I don't think there is any need for panic. It happens to us all. If you are worried, there are various things that can help. Like most of life, conversing is a skill that you learn and improves with use.

In the meantime I think you could be kinder to yourself by not expecting a spoken answer to be as thorough, thoughtful and erudite as a written one.

You are effectively a linguist if you studied languages at uni. Your extra knowledge of another language means you are hyper-aware of language as a communicative tool. So, you are probably grading your abilities more harshly than the average person.

Couple this with the need to impress in a new position and you might be worrying over nothing.

What sort of ideas do you think you struggle to convey adequately?

Funny l was going to suggest Toastmasters too. Be very good for your confidence as well as your communication and enjoyable too.
My dd has a degree in English and is a fabulous writer. However when speaking she goes too fast and trips over words and lhave to get her to repeat herself. I have been encouraging her to go to Toastmasters.

You sound very eloquent in writing! I know that verbal communication is a a different kettle of fish but it may also be that you are being too harsh on yourself. Any verbal communication takes a lot of confidence, and it does sound like you've had a couple of knocks.

There are strategies you can use to help. I am similar to you, so if I'm about to make an important call I write myself a script first. 9 times out of 10 I don't need it but it's comforting to have the option if I feel I'm floundering.

I've also consciously trained myself to wait for a few seconds before I speak so I can think about what I am going to say. It feels like ages the first time but actually to other people it isn't that long, and it gives you the space to plan ahead a little bit.

I also think that as you gain more experience in your new role your confidence will improve in a natural way and communicating will feel easier. You have all the tools - and more than most because you're bilingual! I think you are just hyper aware of the nuances of communicating and letting that thought have too much space in your head, if that makes sense?

Thanks so much for your posts, everyone - they’ve made me feel so much better!!

Thanks Screaming and ConfusedWife.

Yep, Bananas, I think I find spoken communication trickier. It’s mostly when I have to give an answer quickly, as I find it hard to think on my feet and to give a ‘perfect’ answer. I tend to overthink things and to need time to prepare for things, so giving an off-the-cuff answer to something - especially in a work situation - doesn’t really feel natural, IYSWIM. (Also, what do you mean about the ‘fat arse’ thing? )

Thanks MiraB - I’d never heard about Toastmasters before, and have just looked into what they do. They look great! I think it’ll be really helpful :)

Neon, that’s exactly it. I think I have quite low self-confidence in situations involving speaking, as well as really high expectations of myself - maybe too high.

counterpoint I find it really hard to be concise when I’m speaking. I ramble quite a lot - especially when I’m nervous. I’d love to know how to get this under control.

june thanks. That’s intetesting to hear about your DD. Are there any particular strategies that she used to help her?

MyOtherUsername you’re so right about the over-thinking and being hyper-aware. I think that’s it. Thanks for your tips! :)

If anyone else has any more advice, please let me know :)

Hi OP, your post resonated with me (albeit in a slightly different way) so thought I would chime in.

My native language is northern European, and I moved to the UK 11 years ago when I was 18. I also did a form of international A-levels before that, all in English.

I have no friends from my native country as all have moved back, so I only really speak my native language when I'm on the phone to my parents. I feel like I have completely lost the ability to be precise and eloquent in my native language, something I find really important (in any language). English words are creeping in, and although it's less of an issue in writing, I do have to pause and look for words when speaking. I also find myself less 'funny' in my native language as I have to think for longer and when I'm done, the moment's gone. Frankly it's a little embarrassing - but perhaps not surprising given that my boyfriend and all my friends are British or international.

I'm sorry to say I don't have a solution, but I wanted to say that you're not alone. Also, I have found that it's always a lot worse in my head than it seems to other people!

Sounds like anxiety and you’re getting in a nervous loop. I’d see a GP about generalised anxiety x

@NameChangeTimeNow I used to school young horses that had just been broken. Endless flatwork. They would be nervous, skittish, weirded out by the fact they had a person on their back. They would be very sensitive anything I did in the saddle.

If I tensed up, so did they and theyd play up more. If I pretended to have a fat arse (Not Kim K's we dont want to break the internet) then I had no option but to relax (to accommodate said big arse). Horse would feel that I wasnt tense, and they would relax.

Sounds nuts but its true!

Also, smile- take a breath and then answer.

I have been struggling with similar issues with my ability to express myself clearly. I sometimes stop before the end of a sentence and excuse myself for not being clear and I also use more simplistic vocabulary than I would have used in the past.

I think for me it is related to anxiety but I do also speak multiple languages so it might be related to that. I have definitely become less eloquent over time!

If you are really worried about your communication issues then it is a good idea to see your GP to rule out anything Neurological.