To ask how you still valued yourself as a person after children.

[Twounder1]

Just that really..
Since dd last year I had/have pnd. It's just gotten worse as has my situation.
Conceived ds by accident and didn't know until 24 weeks. (contraceptive failed) I love them both so much and wouldn't change them. They're my world but it's so hard especially as I don't get much help from anyone.

I've got no self worth. No appetite. I've barely ate a meal in weeks. I don't care about myself. I don't care what happens to me. I cry whenever I go out now. Last time I bought myself clothes were before I conceived dd. (2 years ago) because I can't justify buying anything for myself as I don't see myself as worth it. Yet everyone else just seems to be so happy. Motherhood is wonderful. But I feel like I've become this strange new person. Dp says I'm making him down and can't look after our dcs in the state I'm in.
No amount of flowers he buys for me (an it's everyday now, we hardly have any money so even he knows now there's a problem) can make me feel any different.

I just live for my kids.
How do you adapt/cope? How do you stay true to yourself without that sounding cheesy. How do you find yourself? How do you all still have self worth? Because I feel worthless. Like I don't matter to anyone anymore.

Honestly, I would take yourself off to your GP and tell then how you are feeling. It sounds like you are really very down and you may benefit from some professional support to get back on track.

Definitely sounds worth a GP visit .

I keep self worth by not buying into this ‘motherhood is wonderful, I am so happy at all time bollocks’ . It is fucking hard at times and I read stuff like Hurrah for Gin on Facebook (hated on here I know but I have found blogs like that so, so helpful).

Really though, go and see your GP or contact your health visitor, they can support you .

I know how you feel OP. I don’t think I had pnd but I definitely stopped caring about myself in the way you describe. You sort of get into a habit of neglect justified by putting the babies first and then hating yourself a bit later for losing your spark.

What really helped me was returning to a new job after dc2. New people who didn’t know me and I was able to be me and not old me who just had babies like i was at previous job.

You have to make time for yourself in the evenings and create new hobbies. I started colouring. Which sounds naff but i was exhausted and this helped calm the mind.

I exercise every evening now.

You will find you again, it’s just so hard during the baby years.

There are 3 people for whom you are the most important person in the world. It's hard being at home with babies but it won't last forever. No DM to give you a hand?

I feel exactly the same and I am in pretty much the same situation as you.
To start with I have started showering and putting makeup on every morning. I also play music when my DD takes a nap.
I'm starting to feel a little more human, small steps

You sounds very down. Sorry you are going through this. It does sound as if you need professional help with the PND.

Is your DP supportive to you? Or do you feel he is making things worse? Do you have family/friends who can take the weight off at all so you can get a bit of a break?

It is not uncommon for women to lose a sense of who they are when looking after small children and it can be difficult to build that back up. You can and will do it over time through a variety of outlets: work/hobbies/friends/volunteering. It will get easier as your kids get older and you get more head-space.

But first things first, you need support from your GP and also a bit of time and space for you.

Honestly, OP?

I just enjoyed it as much as I could. I always kept the phrase “this too shall pass” forefront in my mind when times got a bit ropey.

I also found getting back to work was helpful as I didn’t have to talk about nappies, milestones etc and I knew that while my baby was interesting to me, an office full of people weren’t that fussed about him 😂 so I talked about adult things and could give a professional opinion etc. Honestly it has kept me sane. I go home at night and enjoy the silly games I play with my DS and nighttime
Routine but I didn’t want to be defined by being only someone’s mum

Why do you think you’re not worth anything?

I have two DC (3 and 1) and I have become a very different person. I used to be very sociable but I haven’t been on a night out drinking for over 4 years. I don’t relate to the feelings you have and I agree with others about going to the dr but I do relate to feeling a bit lost in my new identity sometimes.

Do you get time away from your dc? Can you set up some small acts of self care for you to do on a daily basis?-bath, candles, colouring, crosswords etc

Hi OP. I felt the same as you. I still do some days. I do struggle doing things for me. Even washing my hair is a struggle. Mostly because dd is hard work but also because I almost feel like it's not worth it. Other days I'm up, dressed and off out.

I would refer yourself to your local IAPT for some CBT or talking therapy. They will have practical tips for you, as well as helping you make changes to your thought processes.

I had some talking therapy and while it didn't feel like I had got much out of it because I felt the counsellor wasn't understanding me, and I wasn't telling her the extent of my unhappiness, it was a kind of kick up the bum I needed.

Things are a lot better now and I am glad that I spoke to someone. Even if it was just to rant to an outside person about how absolutely shit I felt.

Thank you all ♥
Dp Is supportive but says things wrong. He has good Intentions and he's booking me into the doctors on Tuesday. I just feel I've lost everything. But then I feel selfish as I've gained two beautiful dcs. They're amazing and they should be my world.
But when you're sleep deprived with a newborn and he goes back to sleep in the night and you get up after to go downstairs and sob for two hours in the night, there's definitely a problem..
I won't tell dm. I love her and she loves our dcs and sometimes takes our dd to a wacky warehouse to give me a break. I lost my brother to suicide and depression a few years ago. I can't tell her. She's had enough worry

Like PP’s have said, get yourself off to the GP. And be kind to yourself. I had PND after my little girl was born last year, I honestly hated every moment of being a mum for the first few months and the guilt I felt was unreal. Everyone puts on this show of motherhood being wonderful but once you scratch the surface and talk to people you realise everyone is finding it hard in their own way, and it defo isn’t all flowers and rainbows all the time. Once I realised that, and that I wasn’t a bad mum for not enjoying it, I found it a little easier. So be kind to yourself and maybe try and talk to some other mums, if you have Mum friends, and be honest how you feel. But defo go to the doctors. You’re not alone, this motherhood thing is super hard and we’re all just making it up as we go along.