Friend is different when she isn't in a relationship. Do I wait it again.

[Tmtiger]

When she is in a relationship she is a lovely friend. So supportive and kind and loving etc.

When she's out of her on and off again relationship with the partner of her children. She is totally different. Cold, sharp lots of passive aggressive comments.

Do I accept the fact that she is hard work right now and struggling with single parenthood? Or is it a real friendship if she can't be nice when I am happy and she is not?

*should say father of her children

When you say she's "in a relationship", do you mean when she's dating someone casually in between the father of her children? Doesn't really sound like she's in a relationship, it sounds like she's happier when she's single and not being dragged down by a bad relationship!

That aside, the relationship with the father of her children sounds very toxic. Why does she continue going back to him? It sounds like she may need some support on this front -- is she having difficulty getting away from him?

From what you've posted it sounds as if your energies need to be focused on figuring out why she keeps returning to something which is very negative and unhelpful, rather than encouraging her to get into other relationships.

How long has she been like this? That would affect my approach as it does take some time to detach from a serious relationship.

They have kids together they have broken up twice. Once about 6 years ago. What followed was two very strange years of friendship in for us. She told me the flat share I was in at the time wasn't homely and I lived in a shit hole area asked me if I've put on plus many many other unpleasant comments.

She then gets back with her partner again for two years she is my lovely supportive friend. Who i love. Then they split up a year ago and she's telling me my wedding list was over the top and criticising pictures in my house plus many other bitchy comments.

*asked me if ive put on weight that should say

she's a selfish cow......who consciously chooses to be nasty and take all her shit out on you.
she can't/won't be happy for anyone else unless she has what she wants first.

move on.....this isn't a real friend

From those examples she sounds like she’s putting you down to make herself feel better (than you). But when she’s happy, everyone else can be happy.

I wouldn’t bother with her if it happened again tbh.

I've got a friend who's the opposite. Awesome friend when she's single but a real overdramatic bitch when she's in a relationship.

I spent years putting up with it when we were younger but now i don't bother. I still see her now and again and I'm friendly on Facebook but I definitely keep her at arms length. It's not worth putting up with people like that.

She's not a friend. Dump her and don't look back.

You’re her emotional punchbag. I suspect when she is with her partner, he gets all the shit your get when he isn’t there. She sounds abusive tbh.

It sounds like she’s stressed & miserable and taking it out on you because you are the only person who hangs around to support her.
The next time she does it, you could say you realise she’s feeling low but sniping at you won’t help and try to make her take a long look at herself.
Depends how much you value her.