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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Too sensitive

22 replies

Weebabs17 · 04/05/2018 22:17

I am rather overweight and very unhappy about it especially as am on holiday just now and surrounded by bikini clad women and girls .. my normally lovely husband made what he called a wee joke and called me jabba as in jabba the hut when he saw a pic we h ad taken during tbe holiday ... well to say i was upset as understatement and im currently not talking to him... am i being too sensitive ... hes very sorry but thinks im being overly so ...

OP posts:

CaledonianQueen · 04/05/2018 22:22

You are not being overly sensitive, your DH was being cruel, what an assh*le! He was incredibly insulting and if my DH did this he would be sleeping on the sofa until he apologised for his nastiness!

ScreamingValenta · 04/05/2018 22:26

No, his comment was thoughtless - I don't blame you for being upset .

Lifeisabeach09 · 04/05/2018 22:29

Definitely not oversensitive.
I do hope you responded in kind.

NewYearNewMe18 · 04/05/2018 22:31

As you say, this isn't normal, its misjudged. You say you are unhappy with your weight etc. Are you in a position to deal with it and get to a weight you are happy with?

BusterGonad · 04/05/2018 22:34

He was being very insensitive, and it was misjudged but may I ask do you make jokes about your weight to kind of make yourself feel better? Maybe he was doing the same in a very very ill manner. I am not condoning him at all.

IronMansIronButt · 04/05/2018 22:45

I have a hide like a rhino but that would have bothered me.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 04/05/2018 22:48

LTB

AlmostAJillSandwich · 04/05/2018 22:50

I'd be devastated!
Anything less than grovelling i'd feel his apology wasn't sincere enough. I'd feel low enough being critical of myself without him doing it too. Why would anyone even make a joke like that about someone they loved, especially if they know you're sensitive about your weight, it's just wrong.

Keeoe · 04/05/2018 23:11

Honestly? I'd be absolutely mortified and gutted if my dh said this. I'm a size 20 at the moment and I'm more than aware of how I look. He wouldn't think of commenting negatively on my appearance as he know it'd upset me. I'm wondering though, do you normally have this kind of jest with each other? It would explain why he thought this was appropriate. If not, he's just a dickhead!

FluffyHippo · 05/05/2018 04:20

If you don't want this sort of thing to happen, you could try losing some weight. Or leave your partner. Either way, it's your body and your choices. But, please, take some responsibility for this situation - unless your partner's a feeder, you're reaping what you've sowed.

Rollawolla · 05/05/2018 04:21

Think you are over reacting.

ChickenOrEgg6 · 05/05/2018 06:34

I don't think anyone is reaping what they sow by having a partner take the piss out of them!

It's one thing for your husband to sit you down and explain his (likely valid) concerns for your health and wellbeing. Which would be fine.
It's another to call you Jabba the hut for fucks sake.
That's not supportive, nor is it going to help matters. its only going to serve to make you feel insecure and ugly, how will that help? When I was overweight something like that would make me cover up more and stay away from him. it wouldn't incentivise me to lose weight (I lost weight with positive support and a fuck tonne of willpower)
It's just a really nasty thing to say.
YANBU.

ChickenOrEgg6 · 05/05/2018 06:38

Also; when he next wants to get his leg over,
Ask him why the fuck he wants to shag jabba the hut, then read a book until you fall asleep.

speakout · 05/05/2018 06:38

How horrible OP.

Be angry though- that's allowed!
I would take myself off somewhere for the day on a local bus without him. Go have some lunch, a glass of wine some shopping.
Let him stew a while.

Ohyesiam · 05/05/2018 06:44

Presumably he knows you are unhappy with your weight? So why would it be ok to take the piss out of you?
But I’m interested to know his motivation. If he wanted to put you down for not being good enough, then keep up the silence. Is undermining you a thing he does?

Or was is that odd wind up piss take male humour thing? My oh constantly does this with our dd, everything is a piss take. ( she’s right back at him with it, to her it’s bants) just sort of rubbish non funny jokes about every aspect of everything. But he loves her with all his heart and would never undermine her confidence. I don’t get it, find it irritating as hell.

But if it could have been that, not an insult, then for the sake of you enjoying your holiday, let it go, and tell him to up his game on the humour stakes.

cafune7 · 05/05/2018 06:46

Your husband is an asshole. However, you do realise you have an issue with being overweight. Why don't you tackle it? You know, I don't mean to be insensitive, but it clearly bothers YOU.

Yorkshirebetty · 05/05/2018 09:35

I'm guessing that he looks like a younger, fitter George Clooney?!

JaretsGirlfren · 05/05/2018 09:44

Wow YANBU at all, I’d have caused merry hell if dp had said anything like this to me.

HoldingTheLineWinston · 05/05/2018 09:52

That is a very unkind and unnecessary thing for your DH to say. I don't blame you for feeling upset. He might find that he struggles with his weight one day, and I doubt he would welcome the comparison in return. As to those taking the time to point out that you are reaping what you sowed - I very much doubt that OP is unaware of why her weight has changed, but I hardly think that entitles anyone to make fun of her anymore than any other physical quality gives carte blanche to act like an utter twat and purposefully use words to hurt someone.

Smeddum · 05/05/2018 09:55

Oh god that was one of XH favourites, along with hippo (I was size 14 at the time).

You are not being sensitive, he was being a dick.

bobstersmum · 05/05/2018 09:56

He is an arse!

Smeddum · 05/05/2018 09:56

Or was is that odd wind up piss take male humour thing?

It’s not a male humour thing, I don’t understand why people make it about gender when someone is being an arsehole.

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