Is it rude to fetch your own food?

[BurpeesAreTheWorkOfTheDevil]

I have a restrictive diet, instead of asking people to cater for it I just fetch my own food and enough for anyone who might want it.

I did this at a gathering last week and a family member says its embarrassing and I should just eat what's given.
The only thing on the buffet that I could eat was the lettuce garnish even tho the host knows my restrictions, she forgot which is not a problem at all, I know it's a pain.

Are you vegan?
I think maybe bringing enough for other people may come across as a bit rude.
But for yourself then its fine. Unless you know that the host was actually specifically catering for you in which case it would be rude.

My ex was vegan and it is a good idea to bring your own food to things as sometimes there was literally nothing he could eat at events.
Some people are just extremely judgemental so if it is something which is more of a moral than medical choice there will always be some dickheads who think you are just attention seeking or 'making fuss' whatever you do.
Saying that there are some people who will think you are just attention seeking even if you do have a medical issue!

Some people are just dickheads about anyone doing anything different.

I understand you wanting to provide enough food for yourself but I think taking extra seems a bit rude.
It's like you're saying to the other guests that your food is superior to the host's cooking, (which it may well be).

I was veggie for years and I often offered to take food so the host didn't need to cook something separate. Bitter experience taught me to take enough so that the other guests could eat it too - because they all seemed very eager to eat whatever I was having - despite them being well catered for. I was often left with a very small portion of the food I brought and no options to eat anything else.

Not rude

I wouldn’t like it as a host to be honest, I would be happy to make you something suitable after carefully checking with you and would find it rude if you brought something with you if I had gone to the trouble of doing that.
However, if the host couldn’t or wouldn’t cater for you it’s understandable

I think bringing your own is fine in your situation. I have a lot of sympathy for the mil with ham in her handbag too though so maybe I'm not the best one to ask!

As in if you just don't like the food then it's rude to get your own out and crack on.

An actual dietary requirement is different.

I agree with Corcai, bringing food for yourself is fine. Giving out food to other people at a party that has been catered is rude.

I’m assuming it’s allergies or a serious ethical/religious reason. If you’re just on a low carb diet or something then YABU.

I think it's ruder to make a fuss at not being catered for. OP you sound very pragmatic and sensible, and if you were at MY dinner party I wouldn't be at all put out if you made yourself something you knew you could eat and would enjoy. I mean, I would do my best to accommodate your diet, but I wouldn't be offended if you knew better. You've presumably got experience cooking things you like and which agree with you!

Not rude at all! In fact I wish more did it.

DD has a little mate who basically can eat barely anything and when he comes over, I struggle to feed him. If his Mum packed a bit of a snack box, it would be much easier.

I know this will sound judgy but I just can't be sure that someone else will check everything as closely as I do. They might think 'oh I will do rice rather than pasta', but then throw in a stock cube with gluten in or use the same spoon to stir it.

We still have gluten in the house as my gluten intollerance, although severe and for a known medical reason, is not coeliac. I would be cautious to describe a meal that I prepared as gluten free because I know that there might have been gluten on a pan previously.

I do now restrict gluten to preprepared food (bread, pizza) so no flour in the house. I have told school that they must be allowed to measure flour at school because a 12 year old measuring flour is a messy business and could spread everywhere. I can't help them otherwise I will be ill. I still wouldn't be offended if someone chose to bring their own gluten free food. In my book unless it comes from a gluten free packet then it isn't guaranteed gluten free.

I possibly would eat the food (if assured that it was gf) but it would make me anxious (not generally an anxious person) and I wouldn't enjoy it unless I knew they had taken loads of precautions- of course you can't ask someone that.

A friend of mine, in a similar situation, used to just bring a large dish of food she could eat for everyone to share. It didn't seem rude at all.

I think just bringing one portion for yourself is a little off.

the other guests could eat it too - because they all seemed very eager to eat whatever I was having - despite them being well catered for. I was often left with a very small portion of the food I brought and no options to eat anything else.

This! For some reasons non- veggies are always keen to eat or try food prepared/ brought for vegetarians.

Even if the host does cater- when it would be rude to tell everyone, sorry, that’s mine, you can’t have any- there is barely anything to eat. Particularly at buffets or self service.

Mil sometimes visits for a day and takes sandwiches with her, I offer her lunch but she gets out her little sandwich box because she doesn't wish to be a bother. It's odd because I usually cook for her when we visit her house for the weekend and she loves my food - she's fussy and hates cooking, I always try to cater for her tastes.
Her lunch box behaviour is odd, but she isn't trying to be rude or insulting and so I take it in the spirit it is delivered in...some people are a bit socially awkward but I doubt it's their intention to upset...lighten up people enjoy your guests company - the art of being a good host is knowing that the food is of secondary importance to your guest's comfort.

I'm surprised someone would thing it rude to bring an extra dish to a buffet. It's quite common among my friendship group. Same for a BBQ.

If it was a sit-down meal, I would just contact whoever was organising beforehand and ask if they want me to bring anything.

Depends if you agree it with host or not (and trust the host).

Big gathering with buffet - host probably glad that you are bringing something you will like.

DH and I went out with 2 friends last week. 5 minutes before finding somewhere to eat one announced they were gluten intolerant. Then when we finally found somewhere, she then added 'and I can't eat any spices except salt' and the other threw in 'I'm lactose intolerant'.

DH and I could gladly have murdered them at this point

With warning we could easily (OK not easily but we could have done it) found nice places to eat or gone back to ours and I would happily have catered.

You planning ahead is much much less rude than what we were faced with!