Am I a horrible friend?

[CaraDeanna]

I have a friend who I have known a little over a year. We get on really well but she's an extremely negative person which I do find myself struggling with a little. We get on well but she is very much in a constant state of:

• "bad things always happen to me"
• "I'm so ugly"
• "I'm so boring"
• "life is so awful"

I find it incredibly draining and the last straw was when she appeared to be extremely negative about my current pregnancy, telling me that my "body is going to be ruined"

Problem is... her boyfriend of 6 months ended their relationship last week and whilst I know this is awful, I'm so stressed and anxious about my own health problems at the moment, I can't deal with her 'why does this always happen to me's', 'I'm disgusting that's why he left me' etc.

AIBU to want to distance myself from this? I'm currently high risk for miscarriage, having lots of extra tests and suffering from extreme sickness. Am I an awful friend to distance myself from her at this point in her life? Im struggling with my own mental health at the moment but can't help but feel guilty for not wanting to help with hers...

No, YANBU. She sounds draining.

SOme people are drainers and some are radiators. It's ok for people to go through bad patches but drainers drain you. Last year I came out of a toxic friendship with a woman. She used to moan all the time, and I was going through a tough time, and I cheered her up like sweet polyanna. But it took it's toll on me, seriously. She took the little energy I had left, I was robbed.

You are not this woman's keeper. She needs to get active and make a busy life with interests and many people. She can do that by joining clubs, yoga, swimming etc. Save yourself. You also have your own life too. So invite her over a bit, but limit it, and then have a reason that you have to go out etc.......... encourage her to get a job in a cafe or pub or just anywhere out of your hair.

What's good about this friendship?

Honestly, life's too short for friends who don't (overall) bring joy to your life. Save your energy to support those who will support you back.

I was in a friendship with someone who was extremely draining, she would WhatsApp me numerous times a day with all her latest moans!
Then, she let me down in a big way so I told her that was the end of our friendship. Suddenly it was like a big weight had been lifted and I realised just how much her constant negativity had been bringing me down. I had felt all that time that I had to listen to her/support her because that’s what friends do, but I hadn’t realised how detrimental it was to my own well being. So no, YNBU