AIBU to think this is gaslighting at its finest?

[eurgh]

Hi all, I'm only an occasional poster on here but I'm interested to hear your thoughts on the following...
I was chatting to a friend yesterday who casually told me that whilst she was pregnant (her DS now 7) she found out her DH had been messaging another woman. She confronted him about it and he told her that it was her fault because her pregnancy hormones were having weird effects on him and making him do things.
She accepted this. I recoiled when she told me! I honestly couldn't believe it but she seems so accepting that this was the case. I really want to talk to her about gaslighting and how her DH has turned it all on her to make her feel bad but am I overreacting (I don't think I am but willing to be told otherwise) or is this complete wankbadger behaviour?

Hes a wankbadger.

She's a bit daft to have accepted it. But it's seven years ago. Why is she bringing it up now?

I wouldn’t describe it as gaslighting, just being a horrible pig. Gaslighting involves confusing someone, making them think nothing happened when something did, making them question themselves. He just lied in a nasty way and must have known she was extremely gullible to buy it. It couldn’t hurt to talk to her about it to see if there’s anything else going on.

@ShatnersWig because some other stuff had happened since then and she was giving me a backstory

That’s not gaslighting.

Gaslighting would be telling her the messages didn’t exist and she must be paranoid and crazy to think they did.

Its not gaslighting but there must be a word for it. (wankbadgery will do for now)

Definite wankbadgery aka cockwombling behaviour

Not gaslighting

Unless he’s carried on I’d let it lie tbh. But love the term wankbadger. Expanding my vocabulary in this way is the reason I love mumsnet (off to find someone I can call a wank badger)

It may not be gaslighting but it's certainly a good example of denial! (On her part)

wankbadgery Brilliant

Ooo, ooo I've got one, Jeremy Hunt is a wankbadger!

eurgh Sounds like this is something you have concerns about, presumably because it's part of a pattern of other unpleasantness. Have a look at this link and see if anything seems familiar.
www.safe-services.org.uk/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship

Ok well at least I've learnt something here so it's not gaslighting. Just fucking wankbadgery behaviour. Wankbadgering shall hereforth be the new term, spread the word

@Weezol if genuinely is a friend not myself - I would have got rid of this guy long ago. He is a cocklodger as well as a wankbadger by I think gradually over the years my friend has accepted it as 'that's just what men are like' I didn't want to start preaching my opinions to her but wanted to show her that she is worth more than this

Total gaslighting and her partner sounds like an arse.

Quite awful wankbadgery, I'd say

eurgh I didn't think you were the friend, the link is just a pretty general standard list that anyone can look at to see if what they suspect is dodgy actually is abuse.

her hormones were making him do things?

every time I read a wonderful new MN word I get the urge to draw said animal. The Wankbadger, the Cockwomble.

Since I joined Mumsnet, I have the overwhelming urge to carry a couple of Jammy Dogers in my pocket to hand to people that push in to queues.

@Weezol pmsl for the first few days I thought that emoticon was a nipple and was very confused.

Thankyou for the mental image of you just giving strangers an angry stare and then handing them a jammy dodger though

It’s not gaslighting but it’s on a par with and typical of controlling narcissistic behaviour which dominant people will use along with gaslighting.

Haha @Weezol that's a great mental image. I'm also secretly enjoying the fact this thread turned into 'what Mumsnet taught me' post 😂

I have been told by a number of people that my 'hard stare' is of Paddington Bear quality.

I do have one of these: www.lakeland.co.uk/73007/Biscuits-For-One-Snack-Containers-Set-of-2. I'm trying very hard not to put a couple of JD's in it for my next trip to Primark.

My favourite MNism is 'an invitation is not a summons'. That's been incredibly liberating.