AIBU that this may end our relationship

[Topsyntimsmumdrivesmetogin]

I will try not to drop feed.

Me and partner with 2 kids at home
Boy -11 girl -5.
Good relationship normally, my best friend and love him more than anything.
Things have been tough due to youngest going through some very life threatening health issues ( a terminal disease)
5 weeks ago I lost a lil girl at nearly 18 weeks.
He was with me the whole time and the whole thing was traumatic and heart breaking.
Since I have been trying to hold things together, today for instance Im waiting in a waiting room for daughter to come out from surgery.
This is the problem he doesn't seem to want to touch me ( I'm not talking about sex but that defiantly won't be on the cards ) but even just holding me, hug me when we are asleep or kiss me.
We wasn't allowed to have sex for 3 months before due to my cervix either but we were still close.
I just feel like he can't really look at me anymore.
Is this normal ?

I think with the loss of your baby and your little girl being very sick, he sounds like he doesn’t know how to deal with it all and is withdrawing. I strongly suggest you encourgage him to seek a counsellor he can discuss his feelings with instead of bottling it up and keeping strong for your sake. Actually it wouldn’t hurt for you to get some support yourself, maybe you could do joint counselling?

So sorry you're going through this, I don't have any advice but 💐💐 for you.

Don't forget all these things are happening to him too. He may not know how to deal with it all either. Have you told him you need a hug? Asked him How's he's coping? He's just as traumatized as you are and maybe he's just barely holding it together too.
Ask him for what you need, dont assume help should intuitively know.

I think you are both grieving. Stay open and honest with each other. Grief takes time and people go through it their own ways, not necessarily by choice xx

I'm so sorry OP.

I highly recommend you find professional help as a matter of urgency, either for the two of you as a couple, for your partner alone, you alone, or all three. Don't wait for the NHS if you can afford it, or find a counsellor who works on a sliding scale of fees.
You can get through this.

I think you both need counselling of some sort, you're both going through so much, someone else to talk to might be all that's needed to improve things.

This doesn't have to be the end. You are both suffering unbearably and it's really common for the loss of a child to cause huge problems in a relationship. After my daughter was stillborn at 37 weeks, I had another miscarriage and my husband withdrew in a similar way. Eventually he agreed to speak to a priest (doctors or counsellors were out of the question for him) and it really helped.
That was 12 years ago and we are still together.
You must feel completely overwhelmed and I think that finding counselling and support for both of you is urgent. Nobody can make this go away for you obviously, but you don't have to carry the load alone.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and your little girl's illness.

People deal with grief in different ways, and it affects them in different ways that they have no control over. How he is behaving is no reflection on his feelings towards you. He is processing so many emotions at the moment - or not, he may just feel numb. It can take a lot of time.

Do seek counselling for you both. You may well both need different things at the moment, and may need to rely on other people to support you, as well as looking to each other for comfort. It's not wrong of you to want him to comfort you physically (have you told him that that is what you want? He may just not be processing the clues at the moment.) But it's not wrong if he wants to avoid physical contact at the moment. That may just be his way of coping at the moment.

Talk to each other if you can. Don't expect too much of each other. And don't make any big decisions - this is about getting through this week/this month/this year - not about forever.

Best of luck