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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have sent DD to school with a pair of boots for her friend?

3 replies

AjasLipstick · 04/05/2018 00:32

DD's ten. She and her friends often pass and swap clothing between themselves.

Either the child or a Mum will say "Oh I've brought these clothes for any kid that want them" and the kids will just look through and see if there's anything they want.

Usually it happens when they've grown out of them, it's a normal part of the culture. DD passes things on and receives things too. Often it's the same child getting stuff from taller kids...so any child bigger than DD will pass things down and then DD passes things to friends smaller than her...and so on.

We're in Australia and it's now winter here...so it's getting colder and wetter.

I saw yesterday that one of her friends, a boy, has big holes in the top of his trainers. He often looks scruffy and I know his Mum is unemployed and struggles.

I gave DD a pair of boots bought for her last year but unworn as "they're boys boots"....(eye roll) she wouldn't wear them and now they're too small. They are good boots and I'm pretty sure they will fit her mate.

I told her to give them to her friend and say she'd grown out of them and they've not been worn.

But now I am worried the boy's mum will be offended. Confused

If it were one of her other friends, I probably wouldn't think twice...but because we've never really passed anything onto him, I'm a tiny bit worried but did it without thinking.

I told DD "If they don't fit him or he doesn't want them just bring them home and we will take them to charity"

Have I been insensitive?

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 04/05/2018 00:38

The kid needs winter shoes and you had a pair, dont worry about it. He needs the boots more than he needs no boots but lots of politeness.

resetEntries · 04/05/2018 04:55

If she's offended then she's foolish.

Skittlesandbeer · 04/05/2018 05:29

I’ve been in this situation. I’m careful to do it face to face with the mum, at least the first time.

I find it useful to be cheery, matter-of-fact. Not like it’s a big thing, or a tricky thing. I usually go with ‘Look, my kid just won’t fit them, and I spent quite a bit on them. I’m just too busy to eBay them at the moment. Would your kid like them/fit them, do you think?’. I promise I won’t be offended if they’re not your cup of tea.’

Then it gives her the excuse of saying they are not his/her STYLE, if she’d rather not take them. Or she knows she can take them and sell them/give them on.

Nice of you to make an effort to help them, in this situation.

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