Set me straight please

[radiosfantastic]

I feel utterly drained at the moment, my teenagers come home and shut themselves away in their bedrooms my younger dc are hard work and my dh is, in my opinion, lazy.

I do all the clothes washing, iron all the uniforms (kids, dh's and my own), I iron any extras (usually just dh'a going out clothes), I load the dishwasher and wash by hand any remaining dishes, I bath the youngest dc and I normally do bedtime, I make the packed lunches, I make sure everyone is up on time in the morning and dress the youngest (yes I know they should do it themselves but I don't have time for that in the morning) and take them to breakfast club. So basically all the normal stuff.

My dh thinks that saying stuff like 'you have had a day off today' is funny because he knows I haven't just sat doing nothing as the youngest have been off school because their school is used as a polling station. He knows that statements like this really piss me off.

My basic hours are 18 a week but often do more, and my youngest children are quite demanding after school up until they go to bed.

Am I in the wrong for a; getting pissed off when dh makes his oh so funny 'jokes' and b; wanting him to do more at home.

His argument is that he works lots of hours to provide the money for bills but I feel I work pretty hard in my job and at home.

I have been experiencing quite low moods recently as well which he knows but just moans at me for being moody.

Sorry this was so long, I just needed to rant.

YANBU

This drives me up the sodding wall. Imagine if you broke down how many hours you spend as a cleaner, a cook, a childminder and doing everyone else's washing.

Then apply those hours at the rate of pay for those jobs. Bet he wouldnt like to be paying that bill!

Youre not being unreasonable, just wanting some support rather than bitching. LTB!!! (just kidding ) but maybe tell him how you feel and that he's testing your last nerve. You have every right to feel pissed off as the home he enjoys after working long hours wouldnt he the home that he enjoys if you hadnt made it so.

If all else fails, go on strike and see how he likes wearing smelly socks and doing his own dishes.

Yeah he needs to do more housework and empathy. His jokes are shitty

Hi on strike.

Stop
Just stop

Talk to him and tell him you are happy or work during his working hours but before and after that needs to be shared,

Or invoice him at £15 ph as Bananna suggested

Mine are 10 and 4.

The 10yo is great at putting on a load (will correctly sort it from the laundry), and also puts away his and his sisters dry folded clothes.
My 4yo gets herself dressed in the morning, and yes we have breakfast club and all leave the house at 7:30am.
Currently training my eldest to do more washing up.

Yes, it's hard work. I have a bitch of a routine as a single parent, but there's long term goal of training my kids to learn that this shit isn't done by the housework fairies and they need to help out.

No comment on your useless DH, other than im hoping to avoid growing yet another useless male with my eldest boy by teaching him otherwise.

Ffs, if my 10yo can reliably sort whites and filter out the errant pair of red pants, why can't your husband pull his weight.

Sorry, I realise that what I said wasn't particularly helpful

@IWantMyHatBack it made me smile 😀

Thank you everyone, you have helped.

I am current lying under a blanket on the sofa as I can't be in the same room as him right now.

He came downstairs while I was washing the dishes to wind me up then got in a mood when I told him he was lazy. He decided he couldn't go back up to bed ( where he had been for a good couple hours) because the bedroom was a mess. The mess was clean washing on the bed that he could easily have put away, he just never does. After I had put it away and got into bed he then came up, so I have come to the sofa!!

We need to have a discussion when we aren't angry, however i know nothing will change.

I think

Stop enabling him! It sounds like he can stomp his feet and have a bit of a sulk, until you hop right to it and sort things out .
Erm, fuck that. And fuck demonstrating that behaviour to your teens

(sorry again, I just feel strongly about this)

What exactly does he do domestically?

No, by far and large YANBU. The teens need to help, please get them on that! They can help with chores and make their own lunches.
As for your husband, well... there’s something very wrong about his “jokes” and deliberately upsetting you, in addition to not doing any of the domestic work. Just because you’re not earning a paycheck for your child rearing and domestic chores, doesn’t mean you’re not working your butt off! The duties of motherhood have been likened to holding two full time jobs.
Don’t do your husband’s laundry. He can either wear dirty clothes or learn to wash them his self.

@NoSquirrels he quite often gets home and states that it's a fucking shit hole and he hates living here and will have a quick throwing away spree of anything he thinks is rubbish and throw the hoover round the living room.
He will put the bin out on rubbish day if he remembers, I quite often do it.
He will clean the bathroom about once every few months and then wants a medal for it.
He believes that his job in the home is the repairing of things and the arranging for work to be done.

@Daifuku9 I shouted at him last night telling him that I wasn't ironing him a shirt for today, he has gone wearing a creased one

Glad you didn’t iron it!
Reading your post about him arriving home to act like that makes me sad (and mad) for you. That’s atrocious behavior and no way to treat a loved one. If he says that again, perhaps tell him, “well then, don’t live here. Bye!” 🤚🏼

Sorry, I wish I could be more helpful.

I think you're in need of a holiday, on your own or with a friend. Have a well earned break and leave them to get on with it. Yes, I know you'll tell me all the reasons why you can't and how unrealistic it is, but carry on like this much longer and you're going to have a breakdown.