To Want to Tell my Boss to Fuck Off

[SatNavRequired]

My line manager is generally a well-intentioned man. He is knowledgeable and does show he gives a shit... at times.

Despite this, he constantly comments on what I'm wearing. He continues to tell me about what I need to improve on in order to be able to progress in the business. This is almost always focused on leadership qualities such as improving my self-awareness. God, he loves to tell me about myself.

He is a chronic mansplainer!

I do feel he has good intentions and actually wants to help me succeed, but I can't help but feel he's more interested in making himself look superior.

YANBU. Tell the twat to fuck off.

What are his issues with what you wear?

I don't think you are being unreasonable but
Despite this, he constantly comments on what I'm wearing

That's strange.... what is he saying?

He will say things like "oh you've got your jazzy trousers on today", "did you jump out the bed and land in those jeans to get them on", "who are you looking to impress today" and "what are those shoes" with a .

General comments about clothing. There is always something.

Do it back to him, every time you see him.

Don't back down to these comments. If you like unusual or "jazzy" clothes (his words) then you own it! Fire back - "yeah I love these aren't they great?!" Or "I was gonna get the other colour too!" Work it! Individuality and personality trumps one trip ponies in a work environment

Appreciate the advice - thank you. Will put in into action on Monday.

I've had to explain to well intentioned colleagues that it isn't always helpful or professional for that matter to comment on clothing in a work environment. If there is a problem with my clothing from a business perspective then I expect my manager to raise it in private and with consideration. If there isn't a problem then I don't expect it to be mentioned at all.

So next time he mentions your clothes I would suggest a gentle 'is this a management issue? Is there a specific problem with my clothing that you feel needs addressing?

If he says no, then say 'I would rather we only talk about my appearance if there is a problem you need to address as my manager in future as otherwise it makes me uncomfortable.'

@Morphene perfect response. Thank you.

I think him commenting on your c!others is pretty inappropriate tbh - unless you are wearing something that is completely inappropriate for your job. My line manager likes to mansplain me to myself too and it makes me inwardly rage (he hasn't a clue, he likes to tell me that I have a face that shows when I'm angry although he doesn't seem to notice when I actually am!). But commenting on my clothes would be crossing a line.

A very serious stare and say ‘I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to constantly comment on my outfits’.

The mansplaining is horrendous. I completely relate to your scenario. I need to work on my poker face, apparently. I need to alter my way of being on a person-by-person basis to ensure I have the best working relationships with each of my colleagues. Is this really what's necessary to succeed? I appreciate it's important to acknowledge how my approach can influence the response of others, but I can't get on board of with the whole 'change depending on who you are with to play the game' attitude.

Is ^ that really what good leadership is about?

I used to say when a male colleague used to comment on my clothes, 'Yes, thank youvery much for that Gok Wan' soon stopped.

SatNat no, it's not. That's not good leadership. he sounds like an undermining arse.

I wonder how aware of his own biases he is.

I think you're right. It does feel very undermining. I wonder how someone could then demonstrate good leadership when it comes to trying to improve someone's self-awareness.

He is the only male in the environment. Relevant?

I think what he’s trying to say is be like me. If he wouldn’t wear your clothes, or express himself as you do, or have the same relationships with other individuals as you do, he thinks you just don’t yet know how things should be.

There are loads of people out there like this, male and female. It’s not unusual but you still don’t have to bow to it. Be yourself.

Interesting. Thank you. I feel that he is trying to remove any form of personality from my professional approach. It works for me. I am relatively well respected in my work environment. Why does he constantly feel the need to tell me how to improve?! Ahh! FRO.

I work very differently from others with people in my industry and often wonder how I come across. I just can’t bear to behave like an automaton and am actually interested in the people I work with.

Because of that my approach is direct and interested and I share parts of myself that might be considered not strictly necessary. Also because of that I make good relationships based on understanding and trust with people and get the job done with everyone happily cooperating.

Even I think I stick out like a sore thumb, but it gets the job done much quicker and better in the end. I don’t think finding my own way is a problem and neither should you.

hmmm maybe you could try 'feedback works better when people are prepared and ready for it. Maybe you could save your advice for a monthly mentoring meeting? I might be more receptive then.'

aaand then just make sure that meeting never gets scheduled....