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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Confused and not sure if I need help

4 replies

TotallyChorkie · 02/05/2018 20:17

NC as people in RL know my usual username. I am sorry that this is long.

I would really appreciate some help as I am struggling to understand this situation.

When I met DH 20 years ago, he had minimum contact with his family. We tried over the years to form a relationship but the interest was not there and we gave up. Over the years MIL and FIL did some underhand things which were upsetting and so when the relationship became no contact I can’t say that we were upset. This is relevant to the situation.

I have always had an OK relationship with my family. A few years ago I fell out with my sister. At the time my parents said very little but I have since found out that my sister was telling them all sorts of things which she claimed that I said that is untrue. They didn’t tell me (I found out from one of my sisters friends who decided to confront me in the street).

I have since made peace with my sister for the sake of my family but they keep making comments and it is really making me question my sanity. They will frequently refer to my depression during the time and point out how we don’t have family in our lives telling us to be careful about keeping people around.

The thing is the more I point out that I did not have depression or that some of the information they have been told is lies, the more it seems to confirm to them that I am lying and depressed.

I decided to pull my sister up on this and she just stood there as bold as brass telling me that I did do all of it.

I know I didn’t and yet here I am questioning myself. I even asked my mum why she was not there for me during the depression and then remembered it was because it didn’t happen!

I have spoken to a friend about this in RL but I actually sound really crazy even to myself and now I am worried that I might have some form of mental illness.I have actually looked at kind and loving DH today and wondered if he has somehow managed to isolate me without me realising it.

I am feeling really down about it all now.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 02/05/2018 20:20

My instinct would be to trust your DH.
As you say, if you were depressed, then why weren't they supporting you? They seem to playing on any insecurities they can find in you.

NewYearNewMe18 · 02/05/2018 20:26

Someone is gaslighting you.

You haven't really expanded on what your sister said, its probably irrelevant, but could you elaborate on the depression bit ? Your sister has told your family you were/are depressed?

TotallyChorkie · 02/05/2018 20:41

My sister told them that I made physical threats towards her and although I have disputed this, my Mum still refers to the things that I said so it is clear that they believe her. I think because I did not confide in them (I did not think it was fair to them to discuss it) or have a relationship with my DH’s side that it must be us. That it is not normal?

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 02/05/2018 21:13

See your GP. Pay for a private letter confirming you have not had depression (likely cost around £20).
Make loads of photocopies and hand them out. You'll feel so much better and in control!

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