Smoking DFiance whilst I'm 6 months pregnant.

[DippyDiplodocus]

We were both smokers when we met many years ago.

I quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant with DS in September 2016. DF carried on smoking even though I tried to get him to stop. He eventually started using a vape e-cig thing and came off cigarettes.

DS was stillborn in May last year. Our world fell apart pretty much and I started smoking again (annoyed with myself) and so did DF.

Fast forward to now, I'm 6 months pregnant with DD1 and DF is still smoking. I quit the day I found out I was pregnant and obviously I haven't touched a cigarette since.

When he does smoke it's not around me, not in the house and not when I'm with him at any time. He only tends to smoke when I'm at work, the rest of the time he vapes.

I've brought it up a few times that I would prefer if he stops before DD is born and he's given the "yeah I will" response but I find it pretty doubtful to be honest.

I know I can't make him stop and keep nagging and bringing it up will not make him quit, I accept that but it's getting on my tits and I just needed to vent a bit.

Aaaaaargh. Frustrated.

What's a DF? Excuse my ignorance if you can

Dear Fiancé

I think you would have to be pretty outrageous to be unreasonable after all you have been through. Maybe he's anxious and finding things hard too. I don't blame you though. 💕

I wouldn't see a problem as long as he doesn't smoke around you and you can't smell it on his clothes. Just ask him to wash his hands and change clothes after he has had them.

I think I find it frustrating because I just went cold turkey and quit, obviously for the well-being and safety of our daughter.

It bugs me that he can't/won't do the same. Maybe I'm expecting too much(?!)

Oh, gotcha. Hadn't seen DF before. Good on you for quitting cold turkey, that's hard to do.

Tell him being around a smoker increases the risk of cot death.

There's a big difference in an expectant mother smoking and the father smoking. You smoking would directly affect your baby.

He isn't smoking around you and quitting smoking isn't easy.

It's the same as drinking. You can't he can.

Susan, did you read the whole op? Shame on you. I imagine anyone who has been through what these two have been through don't need your flippant and thoughtless quips.

I don't really know if it's a mumsnet thing @TopShagger - just made it up and rolled with it 👍🏼

You can't nag someone to quit. Voice of experience here. All you'll do is create conflict and make both of you unhappy. You found it easier to quit when you got pregnant as you had no choice. He doesn't have the same pressing incentive. As long as he's not doing it around you, you might have to live with it.

I know I can't nag @Pebblespony and I don't, I just try to ignore it and leave him to it. It just bugs me.

Will it not directly affect the baby when she is born though @SandyY2K ?

I've read things about having to stay away from the baby for 30 minutes post cigarette, changing clothes, washing hands, etc. I'm sure a midwife has told me this before when I was pregnant with DS (?)

Tbh if he doesn't smoke in the house or anywhere near you (and presumably the baby once it's here) then I don't see the harm.

And if he doesn't smoke at home or near the baby then realistically he's probably not going to be able to pick the baby up right after having a cigarette.

Good on you for quitting cold turkey tho. That's not easy.

It's causing harm to him though isn't it, assuming smoking is still bad for your health

He already knows it's causing him harm. Every smoker does. You knew this when you were smoking but it didn't make you give up.

I don't think Susan was being flippant. Sadly smoking is a factor in the tragedy of SIDS.

Didn't mean for that to sound so critical. You have my sympathies OP. I was in the same situation.

OP I agree with you. It is a real shame he has not stopped.

I understand @Pebblespony - and you're right, the health side of things didn't make me stop, I didn't really care what harm it was causing me.
the health of my child did make me stop though and I guess I'd just hoped he'd do/feel the same but he's not attempted quitting yet and no sign of that so far.

And not only that they're such a bloody rip off these days, think they're nearly a tenner a pack!

12 euro here. My DH is always trying to stop but just doesn't.

Getting pregnant made me quit too. It's an immediate incentive.

Maybe he'll feel the same incentive when DD arrives. Hope so.

Congratulations x

Perhaps I need to try to let it not bother me.

I've got enough reason to be stressed during this pregnancy without something else