to offer a friend help?

[IHateMyChin]

I guess this isn't really an AIBU question but there's more traffic here and I'm looking for opinions on something.

My friend & her husband work at the same place & their split shifts are due to be merged so they'll always be at work together. They have 4 kids and 2 dogs. My friend is super stressed about this and many other things going on in her life at the moment. I am able to help her as I do not work during the day. I am considering offering my help with her dogs (be it letting them out for a pee or take them for a walk), I can do this as it fits in with my own life. My friend is super stubborn, she will say no even if it'll help by saying yes because that's who she is. Her husband has also said he doesn't want people in the house when they're out (fair enough). I've tested the water, asking subtle questions but not pushed it further yet. I'd really like to offer to help but for fear of being told "no, we'll sort something", ive kept quiet, I don't want or need the rejection. I guess I'm looking for opinions or suggestions on what to do or how to approach it or even if I should mention anything at all.

All you can do is offer. I would if you are genuinely happy to do it and you would enjoy it. It can be good for your health too so you could sell it as beneficial to you too. All they can do is say no but you shouldn't take it as a rejection, they just won't want to take advantage of your good nature, which means they are nice people and don't want you to be tied to a commitment and value your friendship, just be really honest like you have been here.

Yes, just offer and see what they say. No pressure. The alternative is doggy daycare which is likely to be expensive!

Thank you. Part of the reason for consudering this is that with the children having to potentially go to school by taxi which will be expensive, and the potential cost of a dog walker, it will wipe a huge chunk of friends wages out. That's part of my rationale for offering anyway. I'm still mulling it over either way.

Sorry but you sound a bit too keen and invested? If you come across to them like this IRL it may be too intense.
To say you can’t face the rejection is an odd comment. Sorry OP

Bear in mind that it's quite a tie for you if you offer to do it every day.
But that aside there's no harm in offering. Be prepared for them to say no if you offer outright but it's a nice thing to do even if they don't take you up on it.

I think you already know the answer will be no and you will be putting them in an awkward position because it seems helpful.

But I think you need to back off, even though you think you are being kind. They have said they will sort something - let them. It’s their life.

It would be a significant commitment. What would happen if you were ill or going on holiday? Maybe they're worrying about this as well as all the other issues like feeling indebted to you, having someone in the house, insurance etc.

You could mention casually that you could be around if they need occasional help? I think I would back off from offering permanent help as none of you sound that comfortable with it.

@NotTakenUsername
They have said they will sort something - let them.

I've not said anything yet so no, they've not said they'll sort anything yet.

@LuluBellaBlue
keen and invested

Please explain what that means?!

I'd really like to offer to help but for fear of being told "no, we'll sort something",

Sorry - I misread that. I thought that is what she said when you had tested the water. However, your fear isn’t unfounded, is it?

My friend is super stubborn, she will say no even if it'll help by saying yes because that's who she is.

You say super stubborn, someone else would frame this as very independent. Or unwilling to become dependent or indebted to someone. We’ve all been taught that ‘there’s no such thing as a free lunch.’

Her husband has also said he doesn't want people in the house when they're out (fair enough).

Surely the issue starts and ends here - the husband has set a very reasonable boundary. To offer this help in that knowledge is to push his boundary. Unreasonable.

I don’t doubt your heart is in the right place, or at least you think it is. But I think you were right to check here first because deep down I think although it is hard to see your friend struggling, your help is not the solution they require.

@NotTakenUsername

An insightful set of replies there, thank you. I think I will leave it and not say anything unless she comes to me, I just hate to see how upset and stressed out she is at the minute. I can help to aliviate some of that stress but I will hold back and leave it to them.

Just to clarify though, her husband said he doesn't want anyone in the house, which includes dog sitters/child minders/taxi chaperones, not me personally. I know them both well but I'm not going to push it.