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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about how to get through workplace bullying

15 replies

user764329056 · 02/05/2018 16:10

I am in a bullying situation at work which management acknowledge and they are supportive of me and want to take action, however they want me to start the formal grievance process and I just don’t know if I can cope with all that brings with it. Has anyone been through this please? Am worried I will lose what’s left of my sanity if I go ahead, yet no action may be taken against the bully if I don’t go down this road, feel like I ‘m between a rock and a hard place

OP posts:
vitara · 02/05/2018 16:25

With management on your side it's hardly a rock and a hard place. More rock vs easy.

Why have they acknowledged it and how have they? If you have proof of their acknowledgement then it's a brilliant start to a formal process.

Original poster
user764329056 · 02/05/2018 17:31

Thank you Vitara, I appreciate you replying. I spoke to management about what was going on and they identified it as bullying, a verbal acknowledgment, have had 3 meetings with them and they are encouraging the grievance procedure but I am full of dread at going through it

OP posts:
StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 02/05/2018 18:08

well hard as it seems nothing will change if you don't. a lot of effort goes into writing and implementing the policies in workplaces to protect us all, hard as it is unless you are prepared o ignore things then you have to follow the procedures laid down for anything to change. even if HR know you are in the right they cant just dismiss someone or take action unless it's done 'by the book' or they will face legal action. take a breath, think about what you want change put on your big girl pants and make it happen, I guarantee (from experience) that you will eventually feel better about it and proud of yourself for taking action. You will of course also prevent the bully from doing it to someone else who may be even more vulnerable.

Ginorchoc · 02/05/2018 18:11

Looks like you have three choices, leave, carry on as you are, start the complaints procedure.

If you’ve had three meetings already surely the other party must have picked up on this?

Martinimonster · 02/05/2018 18:19

I was in your shoes once. It was manager that was bullying me but her manager wasn't helpful at all. I walked out one day.

If I were you take the support and advice from manager. If by the end of it all you aren't satisfied look for something else.

Original poster
user764329056 · 02/05/2018 18:21

Yes, them’s the choices Ginorchoc!
StepAway, several people have left due to this person’s behaviour so I would be taking a stand so to speak in staying put and making the official complaint rather than being another in the chain who have left due to this person’s behaviour.
While I desperately want resolution I was hoping there could be a softer option than what seems a daunting formal grievance procedure but I don’t think I can avoid it

OP posts:
StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 02/05/2018 18:30

go for it user764329056 you need resolution yourself and you can feel proud you have made a difference. shame those who left did not take this on too and you would not be in the position you are, you don't want others to go through it so be brave and take a stand, if you are correct (and I am sure you are) then there will be lots of support for you to take this forward, at the end of the day the bully is just a person, they are no one special and if their behaviour has lead to people being unhappy / leaving then it will all come to light and they will be dealt with. you have nothing to worry about, you are in the right and t will be heard.

Ginorchoc · 02/05/2018 21:36

Sounds as though the managers have your back and if you otherwise enjoy the job why let this person make it difficult especially with their history, be strong.

missymayhemsmum · 02/05/2018 21:56

Sounds like the managers know what this person is like, but until someone complains with actual incidents they can't start a disciplinary process. You are that someone. Document everything.

Giraffey1 · 02/05/2018 22:04

Is there someone st work who you trust, who can be your ‘buddy’ as you go through the process? I’ve been through bullying at work and I know how tough it can be. I got signed off with stress as a result of the way I was treated and it was only while I was off that I learned that several other staff had been experiencing a similar thing - and that more than one manager had been involved! Having someone there with you, particularly if HR are supporting you (which they weren’t, in my case) might make all the difference.

ZX81user · 02/05/2018 22:07

I am sorry but I think you are misreading the situation.If management were on your side they would tackle this without you needing to go to grievance.Grievance is a massive ballache for management and you will be viewed as a troublemaker
HR is NOT YOUR FRIEND!

Original poster
user764329056 · 02/05/2018 22:10

Thank you everyone, it’s difficult to think straight. Management said today “we’ve got your back” and I do know I have support from the right people, I just feel ill-equipped to go through what is going to be a difficult and demanding process, but if I don’t the choices are to continue as things are which is unbearable or leave and I really like the job and most colleagues with the exception of this toxic person. I wish there was a separate planet for narcs and psychopaths so that they could abuse each other and leave the rest of us alone!

OP posts:
stayanotherday · 02/05/2018 22:34

If only there was! I hope you see it through as it'll just carry on. It sounds as if management are aware of this person and think you have enough proof so they can discipline them.

wantmorenow · 02/05/2018 22:42

ZX81user is right.

Management could deal with it themselves if they wish. I was set up this way. Your grievance will show that a) they haven't dealt with it when they should have or b) you were not bullied.

If it's a) then they are at fault therefore it will be b)

HR are there to protect the organisation and the managers. Nothing more.

wantmorenow · 02/05/2018 22:45

They had my back too. Imagine my surprise to find that HR decided I was never bullied. It was a personality clash. I was redeployed. Bully still there.

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