To ask for positive stories after being a trainwreck?

[TrainwreckTwenties]

I feel like I've been a trainwreck for most of my twenties. I almost dropped out of my undergraduate degree (but thankfully got through with a decent grade), dropped out of postgraduate study.

Went from one toxic relationship to the next, got disowned by my parents (but of course that was all my fault), have no friends who live in the UK. I have one true and totally amazing friend who just happens to live in another country.

I have no job, no car (wrote it off after a week having caused an accident), my disability is getting progressively worse and I'm unable to do many of the things I used to enjoy and as a result don't really have any hobbies.

I'm currently in a relationship with someone who I adore but it feels as if we're constantly going through rough patches because of my issues.

Please can someone tell me positive stories of how they used to be a trainwreck but not they're through it? I'm feeling very sorry for myself right now. I don't want this to continue any longer.

Please can someone tell me positive stories of how they used to be a trainwreck but now they're through it?

I'm sorry you feel that way @SmashedMug

I'm genuinely in a really bad place right now and thought MN may be able to help but perhaps I was wrong

Yep me!
Chaotic upbringing with various run ins with the police (family stuff) drug addict member of family, (deliberately being vague), various abuse things, I failed all my exams, had no direction, no money, no sanity nearly.

Chucked everything in and went volunteering for a charity in France. They were that desperate for volunteers that they took me (!) and it turned my life around. I needed them as much as they needed me.

Fast forward 25 years and mentally although I suffer from some anxiety, I am up and together and fairly emotionally intelligent, lots of counselling over the years. Have a stable home life with three amazing children, very supportive DH, a job I love and I feel so lucky.

You can do it, but from my experience, you need to get away from all the crap that brings you down in order to really do it!

I don't "feel" any way. It's just strange to see such a similar thread started by a new username and I'm commenting on it. I don't think I speak for all of mumsnet either so don't post sad faces just yet!

I was a train wreck for three years. I was drinking excessively, being reckless and I barely ate. I was financially ruined and emotionally a mess. I was on a very scary path. The person I became wasn't me. I knew I had to change. I was very unwell and due to losing 6 stone in a very short time I was collapsing at work and I was very lost. I met my DH and that was almost 4 years ago. He got me to get help and I started to get back to myself and now I have a job I love, a happy relationship and I'm happy. I'm getting healthy again.

But what are your issues? Why did you cause an accident, drop out etc? If you can work out why and you eant to change, you probably can!

Me! I was drinking too much, making terrible decisions about who to have sex with and how, working in shit jobs I hated and living in shit holes.

I stopped drinking after making a REALLY bad sexual encounter and things gradually got better.

Note I'm happily (for the most part) married, 2 lovely kids, own house and retraining to do what I actually want to.

No point pretending a difficult upbringing doesn't have an effect on you. You can't move on from it until you accept it. Start there.

But what are your issues? Why did you cause an accident, drop out etc?

@Tortelliniforever To answer your questions. I dropped out because I felt I'd never be good enough to complete it. I lacked confidence in myself and my head was a mess having just broken up with someone who'd physically and sexually assaulted me. I'm not sure I can answer your question with regards to the accident. I don't really know. I think again my head was just elsewhere and a momentary lapse of concentration later I'd caused the accident which wrote off my car as well as two others and sent two people (myself inc) to A&E. Thankfully I came off the worst injury wise, was rushed to hospital in and ambulance on a back board with neck and back injuries and the other person was able to walk and went to A&E in the back of a car although I still felt awful about the other person.

My issues I think are that I struggle to let anyone in as growing up I was always taught my feelings and thoughts were wrong. I catastrophise a lot and always assume DP thinks badly of me because everyone in the past always has. I struggle to accept when things are good and always panic they won't stay that way and end up self sabotaging a lot.

I've put on so much weight as I comfort eat a lot which has only made my physical disability worse and within the space of 6 months I'd been charged with assault after a bad night and then charged with dangerous driving due to the accident.

I don't even know how to begin to turn my life around.

@SmashedMug I haven't seen the other thread. I have been here years but changed username for this. I'm not entirely sure why I did though tbh as even though I didn't want this linked to my usual posting name, it's not as if I know anyone who would see it. I'm definitely not a journalist. After a friend died years ago and the journalists posted some shameful material regarding the incident (blaming her parents for her death amongst other things), I can't say I have much respect for the profession.

@Mookatron I'm glad you've turned your life around. Bad upbringings are shit aren't they. Mine was pretty awful. My Dad was at best completely unequipped to deal with me and at worst borderline abusive - hit me, swore at me, threw me out. Mum wasn't much better- blamed me for being abused by my first boyfriend, supported my dad in throwing me out at 13. Was there anything in particular you think helped you turn things around other than stopping drinking?

@Raven88 what do you think is helping you get healthy and happy again?

@AFingerofFudge I'm so glad you've turned your life around.

I got some counselling. I didn't think it had had much effect at the time, but now I look back I can see that was the catalyst that allowed me to start valuing myself. Everything else followed.

I wrote this on the other turn your life around thread but here you go: Was forced into prostitution, ran away and was homeless, then a drug addict for a few horrible years, mental hospital after suicide attempt, don't really have/talk to family ...
Got clean and moved in with friend, then my own place, now I'm clean and sober and having a baby in October

My personal train wreck relates mostly to relationships. I realised that I had I able to make decisions that influenced the outcome of my life. I have a friend who is a probation officer who works in female offending. She says a lot of women she works with do not realise they are able to influence their lives by making their own (hopefully positive) choices.

Does anyone know where I can find the other thread? I'd love to read it.

@vampirethriller congratulations on your pregnancy I'm sorry for the horrible times you've been through but well done on turning your life around, that can't have been easy.

@CurcubitaPepo that's really interesting about your friend. I think in my case it's not so much that I don't realise I can make positive decisions, it's more not knowing how to