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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DS out of school tomorrow

37 replies

IsabelleSE19 · 02/05/2018 13:02

DS is in Year 2. His year are on a one-night residential this week, over the course of three days (some children are going Wed-Thu and the rest Thu-Fri, out of school for two full days each). He was one of 6 DC who wanted to go but weren't selected (limited places). There are also about 20 DC who didn't want to go who are staying behind (out of a year group of about 85 DC).

So on Thu there will be about 25 children still in school. I haven't really been able to find out what they will be doing despite messages to teachers. WIBU to take my son out and take him on a trip of our own instead? I think I would tell the truth about what I was doing, rather than lie and say he's ill, although it will presumably be unauthorised absence. Am a bit Angry that the school do this kind of trip (and bang on about how great it is for independence and bonding) but don't allow for everyone to have the chance to go.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 02/05/2018 13:04

I agree. I'd be seriously annoyed whatever happened to equal opportunities?

Ruddyuseless · 02/05/2018 13:06

I think it's crap that your son couldn't go-he must have been really disappointed
But
I would maintain the upper hand and send him in as usual.

Pikehau · 02/05/2018 13:12

Tough one for you ... I too would be Angry at the fact there was not enough space for everyone. And I would feel like taking my ds out too but I do feel it’s a bit stamp foot , not fair attitude and I try and stop myself from that (has been known though Grin)

but I do wonder if you need to rise above it and communicate your anger in a different way.

They should be doing something special with those left behind. Like an activities day (2days) doing “fun learning” lots of outside etc.

Funnyface1 · 02/05/2018 13:33

Absolutely take him out. That is one of the crappiest things I have ever heard. How can they justify it?

Frazzled2207 · 02/05/2018 23:19

That's unbelievably rubbish. On what basis was he not selected??!

I would still send to school but poss try and do something nice at the weekend to compensate.

I do hope you are complaining to the HT.

Handsfull13 · 02/05/2018 23:25

I remember a week long trip in my last year of primary. It's supposed to be this amazing trip one for the girls and one for the boys but only 10 places each. There were 15 girls in my year and I didn't get a place.
My mum told the school I wouldn't be attending school that week as they should know better to have the big final year trip with limited places instead of finding something for everyone.
We did lots of fun things together to make up for it.

Haudyerwheesht · 02/05/2018 23:26

I’d probably not send him tbh

BlowAnne · 02/05/2018 23:27

Yanbu

wurlie · 02/05/2018 23:29

One of only 6?! That's horrible.

Yes I would take him out. Sod it being unauthorised.

Myotherusernameisbest · 02/05/2018 23:34

If I was you I'd take him out. How crap of the school not to be prepared to include everyone who wanted to go. I hope you have a lovely day together.

BeBesideTheSea · 02/05/2018 23:41

One of only six!! How can they not have found space for an extra 3 kids per trip?!?
How were these 6 chosen - first come first served, names in a hat, or did the school choose. If the latter, are there any similar characteristics of the 6? I would be asking the school how they are guarding against accusations of discrimination.

PurplePumpkinPiss · 02/05/2018 23:42

I would take him out. That is a really shit process your school has for residentials.

Fruitcorner123 · 02/05/2018 23:46

This is really rubbish thing to do to small children I actually can't believe they did this. I would keep him off school and write to the head and the chair of governors explaining why and detailing the learning experience that he will have with you on those 2 days. I wonder if the governors know they have used such a cruel selection process.

sprinks · 02/05/2018 23:48

As a teacher I would say take him out! I think it's horrible that they aren't taking all the children!

Let him have the day off and take him on your own trip and make memories!

Lalliella · 02/05/2018 23:55

That’s awful to not take all the children who wanted to go. I’m sure they could have bent the rules and taken 6 extra. Definitely take him out. And definitely don’t lie. Tell the school exactly why you’ve done it, and tell the governors too. (Saying this as a governor.) And have a fantastic trip with DS that you will both remember.

chocatoo · 02/05/2018 23:58

I think School should do residentials that can accommodate all children who want to go!

CheeseRollingChampion · 03/05/2018 00:04

So by the sounds of it the school has a 3 form year group but the big School trip can only accommodate 2 forms? (Since 26 kids aren't going) That is absolutely ridiculous. A third of the year can't go? I'd kick up a fuss about that.

Also I'd take him out and tell them why. Ridiculous rule.

Moimasturbate · 03/05/2018 00:09

This happens at my DC's secondary school in year 7. They go to France for a week and there aren't enough spaces for everyone. They get everyone in the hall and pull the names out of a bag and if you are the unlucky child to get pulled out, you aren't going.

It's really upsetting for the children that get pulled out because it's such a fun trip and their first time abroad too. Both my DC's were lucky and got to go but those that weren't were so upset.

Moimasturbate · 03/05/2018 00:10

100% take him out and be honest.

Super123 · 03/05/2018 00:14

That's awful. School should find a bigger venue.
I wouldn't hesitate to keep him off.

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn · 03/05/2018 00:23

Yep, take him out. Have fun experiences he’ll look back on - the exitement of a mum sanctioned free day will out way anything the trip could offer. Enjoy your day together. It’s up to you if you want to be open with the school re absence (I wouldn’t). But do send a measured letter to the governors asking them to re-assess their school trip policy and ask what this is currently policy communicates about school sanctioned inclusion and exclusion.

TeresasGreen · 03/05/2018 00:26

I think that is par for the course in secondary, but I have never ever heard of it in infants. That is atrocious. I’m not sure if YABU though because presumably you knew he might not get to go when you agreed.

MumofBoysx2 · 03/05/2018 00:47

What a bad idea, only having some of the children going. They should have invited all or none. And year 2 seems young for a residential trip. What poor organisation. Do it, take him out and give him a nice time, I definitely would!!

minderful · 03/05/2018 03:47

I'm another teacher who thinks this is really shit.

Yes, do something nice together and complain.

MadamGrumps · 03/05/2018 04:11

@Moimasturbate that's awful to have your name pulled out in front of everyone to say you can't go!

For what it's worth I was one of 6 who couldn't go in year 6 for a week long trip and we had a tea party and did fun stuff all week but for some reason I don't think that the case here as the children are split into two lots. I bet the work would be writing/drawing about their time away so they would feel doubly left out. Take your ds out and have a special day with him, I bet he will remember it.

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