Out of order or not?

[MINKY75]

Should I be pi**ed off? In laws arrange a day out with me and kids. Next day ex (their son) asks for contact at same time. I say no due to plans and offer him an alternate time. He says he can't (meeting friends) but that his parents have now cancelled their plans with me so children can see him instead. Hit me with your reactions...

His dps are doormats.

No sorry I had plans for a day out with the kids, if your parents decide not to come then the kids and I are still going, they can cancel for themselves but they can't cancel for me

You need to get a proper contact schedule in place and then he can't pick and choose.

Well I'd check with in laws to be sure they have and he isn't just playing you off against each other. I'd also politely say what a shame it is as you and the kids were looking forward to seeing them and you hadn't realised they wanted to cancel.

If he's given mum a sob story about how he wants to see them scans he never can etc then I'm not surprised she's pulled out but she should have spoken to you as the plans involved you.

His parents might have felt like they were stopping their son seeing his kids, if he put it across that way. They've backed down to stop a row or to pacify him. I'm assuming there would've been no option of all going out together? Do you not have set contact arrangements with the children and their dad?

Tricky. Do any of them see the dc regularly and do all or any of you have a cordial relationship?

Most importantly, what would the dc have preferred?

YANBU to be fed up, though. Changing plans at the last minute is rude and inconsiderate unless unavoidable.

I bet he said that was the only day he could manage so they cancelled because they felt his relationship with the children was more important than theirs. Which of course it is.

What would the children prefer? That’s paramount, put that first and work your way backwards. He might be a flakey twit, his parents might be soft, but put your children first as those things matter less.

Why do you not have a regular contact in place . Can you continue on trip on your own .

What are usual contact plans?

Was he supposed to be having the children tomorrow, or is that something he has just decided? If so, I would take the kids out anyway by myself without the in laws.

My ex was like this (and still is) - changing contact days and times to suit himself. In the end I would ask him to make his mind up a week in advance, if he couldn't, we would plan our week, then if the kids were free when he was they went. If plans clashed with his last min contact decisions - tough, he lost out. Kids are 13 and 18 and we still do this now. Otherwise they would have missed out on lots of days out / invites / parties whilst he pratted about trying to make his mind up what day he may or may not be having them.

We have a contact schedule and he's given up his 3 evenings this week to work more hours. I think I'm just annoyed because why should I change my plans on Sunday when he's not willing to change his to have them on Saturday?