To be cross that ds has been told all about paedophiles by his school friend and her Mum?

[clumsymum]

While I make sure that ds is aware of 'stranger danger' I don't think it is necessary for a child of 7 to even know the word paedophile, never mind go into how they may be attacked, have their willy felt, or be killed.

When we were on a long car journey the other day ds told me all about what J and her mum told him when he went to tea one day.

Now I can't reverse what has been done, so I'm not going to make a fuss with J's mum, but can I ask her in some way not to discuss it on another occasion?

I know she is of the view that there is a paedophile lurking around every corner. Same lady was going into detail in the playground last week about how she thinks Maddy McCann has been stolen and sold to a paedophile gang.

i would be really cross too. Even if it had come up in the conversation while your ds was with these people, the mum should have left the subject well alone and then told you what was said. Ask her what was said in as light and conversational a way as poss to let her know you didn't like the way it was handled.

i would have been pretty pissed off! one of my mindees used the word 'pervert' the other day in front of my 3 and 5 year olds. i told him i did not want to hear him discussing that sort of thing, by which time the little ones were already asking what it meant! i managed to convince them that he had used a different word and, thankfully, they accepted it.

I would be cross too, what a liberty! Some people are obsessed with paedophiles.

You could ask her not to talk about it again on the grounds that it upsets your DS and you would prefer to keep discussions like that within the family.

I'm not looking forward to this kind of silly playground talk when DS is at school. Apart from anything else, making kids think that paedophiles are strangers lurking round corners just blinds them to the real paedophiles in their lives (if any).

YANBU

Not another mothers job to 'enlighten' your child. Completely irresponsible as well.

YANBU I would have been really annoyed it could have really frighted your ds

Such things need more than a little care. Kids lack a sense of proportion. After propaganda from school DS thinks all animals are endangered up to and including cows.

In that context, it's just funny, but to a 7yo the set of "strangers" is pretty much everyone, they forget the stream of faces from more distant relatives, friends of his parents, and parents of his friends.

As a bloke I feel a vague vulnerability here to people with that sort of issue. Since I work at home I have far more contact with DS friends than most dads, and when we go out to play both DCs are at an age a "friend" can be someone they've never seen before.
For instance, a month ago, a little girl was on a climbing frame, and in my judgement was possibly going to fall, she was certainly distressed. So I grabbed her.
Mother got there a little later and thanked me.
What if it was this clearly obsessed woman ?

Could have ended badly for me, and of course whilst thinking about the issue the girl could have fallen. OK, I'm not some superhero, patrolling playgrounds to rescue kids, but stuff like that happens, and men will make other, rather less successful decisions.

DD 5 doesnt know of the word peadophile but she knows all about stranger danger

or as she calls it "the child catcher"

dont think i would want my son to know that eirther as well as what guy means too
he is 10

Dominic,

I agree that, as a bloke, you are in a very difficult situation regarding other kids, and yes, I think J's mum may have suspected your motives in that playground situation.

2 Years ago dh took ds and his friend to a softplay centre one inset day. While the kids were playing, dh sat having a coffee. At the next table were two women, chatting. One of them had a baby girl with her, but she was strapped in a car seat, on the floor, and her mum was taking notice of her. Dh was smiling and waving to her from his chair, which was keeping the baby amused.

Suddenly the mother realised that dh was smiling at the baby. She tutted to her friend, scowled at dh and moved the baby round to the other side of the table, where dh couldn't see her.
Now he was in a soft play centre. He would only be there if he was a parent. Surely this woman couldn't have thought that he had 'unreasonable designs' on her child? It seems she did.

I also remember a case in the paper a while ago, where a toddler got out of a nursery gate, and was later found drowned in a garden pond. Later a van driver came forward and said he had seen the child running along the pavement alone. He had stopped and called the police, but by the time a squad car had got to that place the child had gone. The van driver said he had not dared to stop and pick up the child, because he was afraid of being accused of something (and I fully understand his point). That child died simply because of the paranoid attitude we have now.