AIBU to think that "everyone list what they're bringing" is clearly a way of making sure we don't end up with eveyone bringing the same sodding thing?

[TheKitchenWitch]

Every single time anything is organised where people are asked to provide food/baked goods etc:

list is put up - either a real paper one or a virtual one via FB/WhatsApp.

And every single time you get this:
Jane: vanilla cupcakes
Matt: brownies
Maya: victoria sponge
Wendy: brownies
Bob: chocolate muffins
Alex: carrot cake
Peggy: carrot cake

aaarrgh!!
The whole bloody point is so that we don't get duplicates of things, otherwise WHY HAVE THE LIST IN THE FIRST PLACE?

We even had one event where we had to choose from a list what we would provide (so "I'm bringing the paper plates" and then it would have my name next to it) and STILL people ignored the list and brought whatever they felt like. Which means we had too many paper plates and no sodding cutlery.

Why is this so hard? Why??

People are busy and want to bring whatever’s easiest for them I guess. Depending on what the occasion/event is, often it doesn’t really matter

Obviously your plates/cutlery example being one of the times it does

At keast it’s better than ten pots of coleslaw which is what happens despite us having a similar list

I have no idea either OP hopefully someone will enlighten us

Or whoever sets up the list pre writes what is needed and people put themselves beside the thing?

Loaf of bread of egg sandwiches:
Brownies :
Bottle of diluting juice:

Avoid having same lazy types all bringing multi pack crisps to the children's picnic!!

We had same problem... much easier this way!!

We did that! That's how we ended up with no bloody cutlery.
I get that when it doesn't matter then everyone just brings whatever - but then you don't need a list, do you? The very existence of the list suggests that actually we DON'T want ten pots of coleslaw etc.

Some people have an absolute hatred of being controlled. I am related to one these people. She wouldn’t sign up anything or would stick any old thing down and turn up with what she wanted to bring. She doesn’t like to feel like a child. Once I worked that out it was a lot easier to deal with.
Also when someone agrees to bring bread why do they only every bring a half loaf?

For church functions we use a doodle poll. doodle.com
The person making the poll lists the items needed ie plates, cutlery, bread, crisps, etc. Then sends out the poll link in an email. Everyone puts their names on and ticks which item they will bring. When you click on the poll you can clearly see what everyone is bringing and what still needs doing.
We even do this to organise takeaways when there is a large group of us - coming, not coming, meat eater, veggie, happy to collect, etc

There are so many ways of organising things, but my point is that some people seem to wilfully ignore them either by not putting anything down, putting down the same as someone else or - as Nonobaloni's relative - turning up with whatever regardless of what they've put down.
Why?
It's nothing to do with being controlled/controlling - it's a simple organisational thing and at best makes sure that there is a good spread of food on offer and that all the bits and pieces required actually are brought. There is no down side at all. It's just bloody annoying.
I am on another list at the moment for salads. One person has written "tomato and mozarella" and about 3 items later someone else has put "I think I'll bring tomato mozarella too". FFS. Why? Just why?
Last summer at the playgroup bbq we ended up with 4 gigantic bowls of potato salad, which was utterly stupid. 3 bowls ended up going home again uneaten because if you're picking at a salad buffet you don't go "I'll have some of this potato salad, oooh and some of this potato salad, and yes lovely more potato salad" do you?

This is annoying me more than it shoudl :D

I do actually really like potato salad not helpful

There's that viral rant by an American lady regarding her family's Thanksgiving. It looks very draconian, but you can see her frustration in telling people what to bring - and what not to bring - is the result of years of frustration.

I think some people are cheapskates - who is going to bring a beef casserole when they could make some cupcakes? And others just can't be arsed.

I think when organising events like this there needs to be some monetary parity - eg everyone puts in a tenner and then the jobs are divvied up and reimbursed - otherwise why should you provide a side of salmon as opposed to a tub of potato salad?

I have to say I would probably just avoid going completely, it doesn’t sound much fun

So how would you do it Slightly?

1. Class is organising a get-together, everyone has been asked to bring a side salad for the buffet.

If you don't ask people to write down what the are bringing you will end up with masses of the same stuff that nobody will eat - so you might as well not bother.

1. Playgroup is organising a cake sale. Again, if everyone brings chocolate muffins, they will not sell because people want variety and choice. The only way to make sure you get that is to ask everyone to write down what they're bringing - the logic being that if you see someone else is bringing chocolate muffins you then bring something else.

How about reverse psycology. Tell everyone you have decided it will be a potato salad only buffet and wait for everyone to disagree and get cross and put some thought into what they are making.

Because cake Peggy is best at baking is carrot cake and she wants to bring what she hopes will sell best at the cake sale. Leave Peggy alone.

Playgroup is organising a cake sale. Again, if everyone brings chocolate muffins, they will not sell because people want variety and choice. The only way to make sure you get that is to ask everyone to write down what they're bringing - the logic being that if you see someone else is bringing chocolate muffins you then bring something else.

Tbh as long as it was chocolate crispy cakes/cornflake cakes I would happily buy them all as a job lot. Screw everyone else.

I do actually really like potato salad

I think there is a difference between home made and shop bought. There is for me anyway.

Shop bought - I'll buy whatever is needed provided I can get it at my local Waitrose

Home made - I want to provide something I feel comfortable with making. e.g. I will do cupcakes, or a chocolate dessert or trifle, but don't ask me to make a couscous salad.

And you can never have too many chocolate cakes at a cake sale.

@Slightlyperturbedowlagain Your comment really made me laugh out loud! I agree

But the thing is OP - some people just aren't bothered so if you've made a list and people are ignoring it or whatever; let it be. Bit like not rsvp-ing for parties - it's a pain but people are just a bit meh about this sort of thing.

I have to say I would probably just avoid going completely, it doesn’t sound much fun

Why is that then Slightly?

Do you think it doesn't sound much fun because you are generally anti-social and don't like organized events? In which case any of the catering arrangements have nothing to do with it.

Or do you like the idea of the get together but think the fun is diminished by actually having to do something or provide something yourself? In which case where do you think the food will come from?

Or is the sole reason you think it sounds not fun the fact that someone is trying to take sensible steps to ensure a nice varied spread?

Personally I think the OP is not at all unreasonable and I sympathize completely. A social group I am in often have get-togethers where we all take something and at the very least we usually sign up to take either a savoury or a sweet or something to drink so we get a bit of balance.

With close family we sometimes have a bring and share picnic and with that we pretty much agree who is bringing what beforehand and that way it goes well.

if you're picking at a salad buffet you don't go "I'll have some of this potato salad, oooh and some of this potato salad, and yes lovely more potato salad" do you?

I've just realised why I'm fat

I don't think OP is unreasonable in her assertion that that's the whole point of the list, but if the list is badly organised then it will fail. As pp points out, if some things on the list are cheap and easy, and others are expensive and difficult, it can be very unfair to whoever gets to the list last ...

If I'm baking then there's half a dozen things in my repertoire which I can send along without spending a zillion pounds on ingredients or risking their not being wanted. Example: my brownie is often specifically requested. If I get to the list and it just says carrot cake then NOPE.

I'm reminded of a funny bit at the end of the Flint Street Nativity where one of the mums is being ridiculously competitive about whose mince pies are nicer ... .

I'd make it clear on your list what you want - i.e. make a list of sweets and list of savouries and list of drinks and tell people to put their names next to one or two. And also put 'please don't bring the same as somebody else as we want a variety of food, not ten bowls of potato salad' bring the cutlery/plates and anything essential yourself.

Then I'd go round with the list and badger people to commit to something (but I'm horrible and get pissed off when people act flaky or disorganized and always expect someone else to do everything for them )

Anything where people have to respond in a chain- email, WhatsApp- is hopeless. People dont read back & just respond with what they like OR they do read back and think “great idea I’m good at flapjacks too”.

Doodle poll sounds best - very visual. With a big note saying “please try to tick an unloved item - no need for 3 lots of potato salad if we’ve got no plates or forks!”

Then make sure someone organising covers the basics.

Other people are hell, basically.

That’s fine if it works for you, and if it’s a mutual thing, but very annoying when those that insist on micromanaging everything impose themselves on others. If it’s a social event it should be about interacting with other people and having fun, no one will starve to death if you turn up to a picnic in the park and there is only potato salad or chocolate buns. Some people have real problems to deal with and there’s no need to make them feel like shit as well because they only managed to bring x and not y.