Feels like I'll never get there...

[GeordieGirl233]

I don't really know why I'm posting this, I guess sometimes it's just good to write it down...

I left home at 19. Really didn't have much choice because as much as my Mum and I are best friends now we just couldn't live together anymore so I moved into a rented flat near the coast. Stayed there for years, made it my own etc. Then I hit 30 and started to worry about my future so after a year or so of fretting, another fucking rent increase and a lot of tears I sold my things, moved into a shared house and I'm still here now. I'm 34. Still (hopefully no more than) 3 or 4 years away from a deposit for a nice little house.

A lot of people my age are married and have their own homes etc. Some people I know 10 years younger than me are buying houses. To be clear I am happily single and even if I met someone I'd still want to do this on my own as I want it to be just for me, my own security if a relationship doesn't work out, I don't want to rely on another person to bring half of what I need to the table. I don't have or want children so no issues there.

I just feel a bit pathetic if you like. A couple of years ago I'd never have thought I'd be doing this in a million years, especially as I like my own company so much. I feel a bit embarrassed that I'm lodging in my mid 30s when most other people seem to have their shit together by the time they're through their 20s.

I dream constantly of having my own home and filling it with my own things again and having people over (and watching them go home!) whenever it suits me. The woman I live with is okay but a bit of a twat (she doesn't clean much so I end up doing most of it but I can't look at the mess and she just doesn't give a shit) but the good definitely outweighs the bad. At least there is only me and her, I'm not in a house full of noisy students and I obviously have a little in the bank that wouldn't be there if I was still filling greedy landlord pockets, I know the situation could be a lot worse and there are people who can't have the freedom to put themselves on the road I have because they have children so I am very sorry for whining.

People say things like "oh I bet you're loving having all this extra cash now that you've no rent and bills to worry about" but if anything I stress even more if I spend a penny more than I have to because of this plan I'm on. I worry constantly about money and the future (I'm a Virgo - we worry!)

Does anyone else out there feel like they're sometimes aiming for something that seems so impossible to achieve? X

"Have their shit together"? You sound like one of the most having their shit together people I have ever read!

Well done you. Seriously. You know what you want and are going for it.

Keep plugging away. That house deposit is on the horizon.

Will your mortgage be the same as what you are paying out now? I mean will you be able to treat yourself a bit when you have a house?

Thank you so much Frasier. I wish I'd had my shit together 10 years ago lol... mortgage will be actually a lot cheaper (but the renting cap that needs putting in place rant I shall save for another rainy day).

Plus my plan will be to get a Mon to Fri lodger in maybe even two if I can buy a 3 bed. Just for a couple of years to bulk up my savings... so yes hopefully I'll treat myself. If I can get all the above into place the first thing I'll do is book that much wanted holiday!

You're doing better than me. I left home at 18. I'm now a single mum on minimum wage renting a flat with no hope of buying until I'm at least 40. Saving for a house is brilliant and you'll feel amazing when you get there.

Just wanted to say well done. You seem to have a plan that will give you what you want soon. Hope it all works out well. Ps make sure if you get a lodger in the house you own, that they like cleaning.

Seriously cool it. You'll look back and think that you made right choices.

Its good, great even to have goals, ambtions...but...where is the living? Enjoying the moment. Having experiences. There really needs to be a balance. It doesn't need to be bank breaking but life can be so short and change so quickly that having the chance to enjoy it should be grabbed.

"I wish I'd had my shit together 10 years ago lol... "

So many people had their shit together 10 years ago and are now stuck in relationships they want out of, or are out of those relationships and starting again with less than you.

You're a blank page! You have everything ahead of you!

Thank you so much all of you for your supportive and encouraging messages. I guess we all need a little reassurance sometimes.

Youwouldthink - I know what you mean. I still buy myself a dress if I really like it, still have the odd night out etc but at the same time I turned down a weekend away in the summer because I can't justify a couple of hundred quid, so I won't have that experience / memories. I think that's partly why I put myself under so much pressure... the quicker I get where I need to be the quicker I can enjoy life and stop feeling so old, stressed and downtrodden 😊

My mate's in a house share in her 50s and has never owned. Sure, her housemates are younger, mostly 20s/30s, but they all get on and there's no judging going on. It sounds like you have a good set-up (okay your flatmate isn't perfect but could be a lot worse), have your goals sorted and are happily single so on balance all is well. Just remember to enjoy your 30s and don't feel like your 20s were a waste cos of some idea of having your shit together. Most people are too busy living in their 20s and that's fine. Your rented flat near the coast sounds nice.