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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner going on holiday abroad with their ex

33 replies

ReallyWTF · 01/05/2018 19:29

Do you think most people would be okay with the following scenario:

Blended family: Parent 1 has a daughter from previous relationship. Parent 2 also has a daughter from a previous relationship. Parent 1 & 2 now have a son together.

The ex of Parent 1 will not allow Parent 1 to take their daughter out of the country. This means that both Parent 1 and Parent 2 cannot have a family holiday abroad together.

In response, Parent 1 has said that Parent 2 can go on holiday abroad with Parent 2's ex so that at least Parent 2's daughter gets a holiday.

Is it acceptable for one person from a relationship to go abroad with their ex if this was the only way to take their children on a foreign holiday? Would you be cool with it?

OP posts:
ClashCityRocker · 01/05/2018 19:30

Nope. I'd probably be going to court to get permission to take the kid on holiday.

Maryann1975 · 01/05/2018 19:31

I think that’s really strange. Is there a back story? How long ago did they split up? (Although I’m guessing a while if there is a new child here).

StopBeingNosey · 01/05/2018 19:31

I would be ok with dh going on holiday with his ex if it was the only way for their shared dc to have a holiday. I would not be happy with it if by doing that she would be ensuring that my children didn’t get a holiday with their father.

DuchessofManchester · 01/05/2018 19:32

No way....is there a particular reason parent 1's ex won't let them take child abroad?

AuntieStella · 01/05/2018 19:34

No, I wouidn't be cool with thus.

But then again, I don't think holidays have to be abroad to be wonderful. I would start planning something fantastic, all together somewhere in Britain.

You can add foreign holidays when the DC are teens and competent to decide for themselves where they go.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 01/05/2018 19:34

The ex of parent 1 has got no say in what parent two does with their child?

LaGattaNera · 01/05/2018 19:35

No, I'd expect him to take her to a UK holiday with rest of blended family ie 5 of us if he didn't go to court to get an order allowing him to take his DD abroad. Frankly neither his ex nor he is being reasonable here imo and I wonder if he guilt trips you if you object. Can't see of a reasonable reason for his ex to object to him taking her abroad. Be nice if he went with the blended family not ex.

OreoMini · 01/05/2018 19:42

Nope. I wouldn’t accept that.

GabriellaMontez · 01/05/2018 19:44

How old is the child?

12Nameymcnamechange · 01/05/2018 19:49

Why do they need a foreign holiday? Can’t you all have a holiday in this country (whilst you take parent 1s ex to court for the ability to go abroad next year!)

Viviennemary · 01/05/2018 19:49

No it's not acceptable for somebody to lay the law down like this and be so controlling. Not sure if it's normal for separated parents not to allow the child to be taken abroad. But I think the best answer in the short term is to go on holiday in the UK. Sounds as if the ex is just being awkward for the sake of it and is a bit jealous.

Original poster
ReallyWTF · 01/05/2018 20:20

Child in question is 8.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReallyWTF · 01/05/2018 20:22

Btw, Parent 1 (the one with the dodgy ex) has suggested that Parent 2 go on holiday abroad with their ex (friendly ex).

Hope that makes sense.

OP posts:
Aprilmightbemynewname · 01/05/2018 20:23

Why not a big huge holiday with everyone?? Wink

happypoobum · 01/05/2018 20:32

I don't understand

The ex of Parent 1 will not allow Parent 1 to take their daughter out of the country. This means that both Parent 1 and Parent 2 cannot have a family holiday abroad together.

Surely they can? Why would they let the ex dictate what they do??? Confused

I have been the child in this situation and the reasonable parent just explained they would have loved to take me with them but unreasonable parent wouldn't allow it. I never blamed reasonable parent.

If you actually stood up to this bullshit the ex would probably back down. 8 year olds can be quite vocal about injustice!! Either way, I would not stop it from allowing me to take a family holiday. In blended families that I know, it's usual for variations of the mix to go on different holidays.

As Pp have said, you could always take another break in the Uk for everyone.

Original poster
ReallyWTF · 01/05/2018 20:35

Surely they can? Why would they let the ex dictate what they do???

They could holiday abroad together, but only if they leave Parent 1's child behind, which is a bit shit.

OP posts:
happypoobum · 01/05/2018 20:39

Yes but that child would know it was their unreasonable parent who had caused this. Like I said - I have been that child. I blamed my mother who refused to let me go, not my lovely dad and stepmother.

If you don't go you ARE letting this person control your life. Up to you, your choice.

We tell children to stand up to bullies so maybe we should be modelling that behaviour ourselves?

SoozC · 01/05/2018 20:41

So the daughter gets to go with both her parents somewhere abroad. You could take your daughter with your ex, so she gets a holiday abroad with both her parents. When does your son get to go with both his parents abroad?

If the ex won't give up the passport surely you can fight that? I, too, would be settling for holidays where a passport isn't needed until I could get it sorted somehow.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/05/2018 20:43

No way. Just weird.

Original poster
ReallyWTF · 01/05/2018 20:54

I blamed my mother who refused to let me go

What was her reasoning?

When does your son get to go with both his parents abroad?

When he's older I guess. He's only an infant at present.

OP posts:
NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 01/05/2018 20:55

Unless she has good reason I would contest it tbh.

MorningsEleven · 01/05/2018 20:58

What's wrong with a UK holiday?

Original poster
ReallyWTF · 01/05/2018 20:59

The kids really want to go to Disney. (And so do the adults).

OP posts:
MismatchedStripySocks · 01/05/2018 21:03

There needs to be some sort of custody agreement in place, to include foreign holidays. An ex shouldn’t be allowed to hold this much power, it’s not fair.

NewYearNewMe18 · 01/05/2018 21:05

The ex of Parent 1 will not allow Parent 1 to take their daughter out of the country. This means that both Parent 1 and Parent 2 cannot have a family holiday abroad together.

This can be challenged in court. Why people put up with this old bollox is beyond me.

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