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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About the neighbors footballs?

29 replies

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 01/05/2018 18:03

I'll preface this by saying I am not the perfect neighbor, I don't mow my garden enough (it's always raining, honest!) and my drive needs the occasional sweeping from the debris that the wind blows in... But I am normal and approachable and I try to keep my head below the parapet for the sake of a cordial relationship with my neighbors.

So my husband and I have lived in our home for just over 2 years and this is the beginning of our third sprint/summer. We live in a detached house at the end of the street and only really have a neighbor to our immediate right (as you look at the house). The neighbors are nice enough, always say hello and may take in parcels, send Christmas Cards, etc. You know, the normal neighborly things you do when you're normal people.

I just need to know if I am being unreasonable about the balls... the constant fecking balls!

They have children between the ages of 5 and 10 who love to play out (we're childless) and make a noise and play games and shout and trampoline. That's OK, we accept that, when we actually do get a day that isn't miserable, the kids are gonna want to play out and its the price you pay for living close to others.

But the balls have already started. We spend endless days from April through to late September listening to balls being kicked at the fence repeatedly. Mainly on a weekend but, if we're lucky enough to get home from work at a reasonable hour, then we hear it in the week too.

And then the balls come flying over... It isn't uncommon for us to have at least two in our garden at any one time (there are currently three). They only stop when we stop throwing them back. But because we're trying to be nice, that could be several times a day...

Until late last summer the kids used to lift the fence panels to come into our garden and retrieve the balls. Mum and Dad used to shout at them for this but Dad would sometimes lift the panels himself and send the kids in to get the balls. This became less frequent when the fence panels began to break from the excessive lifting.

It is really getting on our nerves, we are desperately trying to be good neighbors but AWBU to not be expected to throw the balls back more than once a day and AWBU to get annoyed at the kids coming into our garden to get the pissing things!!!

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 01/05/2018 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 01/05/2018 18:10

I realise I sound like a total wet lettuce... I’m not! But this is an area where I’m worried about going down my usual “all guns blazing” path... I have to live next to these people Blush

OP posts:
my2bundles · 01/05/2018 18:12

My son sometimes kicks balls over the fences. The neighbor at one side I
Allows him to retrieve them himself, the other side throws them back. He would never try to life fence posts tho he walks round and carefully gets them back.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 01/05/2018 18:12

Deflate and throw back.
Every time.

GrimSqueaker · 01/05/2018 18:14

I have the house number (so its obvious which direction to throw in) and a nice "please throw back" request on the kids balls and the kid's get told they'll just have to wait till a neighbour is in their garden.

DairyisClosed · 01/05/2018 18:16

I have two children. If my children regularly kicked balls over the fence I would send them next door to apologise and take away the balls so that they would do being a nuisance. Likewise if they couldn't keep noise to a speaking volume they would not be allowed to play in the garden any more that day.

DrEustaciaBenson · 01/05/2018 18:17

Whose fence is it? If it's yours, you can definitely ask them not to kick balls against it, or to lift panels out to come through.

Original poster
AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 01/05/2018 18:19

Thanks for the feedback, good to know I’m not being a total twat about it.

With regards to the ownership of the fence... no idea but we assume ours due to it being on the right as you look at the house!

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 01/05/2018 18:20

Can you get a read on the type of people they are? Do they hassle you for the balls?

My neighbours’ kids do this occasionally but they are VERY polite, apologetic and never ask us for the ball, just wait until we get it back to them.

I know if I talked to them they’d be very reasonable about it.

If you’re already friendly to each other I think a pleasant but firm approach will be well received.

NotAgainYoda · 01/05/2018 18:22

I have two sons. If they had been remotely interested in football and were regularly kicking balls over the fence, I'd have taken them to the park.

As for the kicking against the fence, that would not be allowed; nor would shouting and screaming

I see your dilemma but I think it's reasonable for you to tell them you won't throw balls back more than once a day and to tell them not to go into your garden. If they don't get the message, I would puncture a ball every so often

Original poster
AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 01/05/2018 18:23

They’re decent and nice people, we’re just new to all this garden malarkey (always lived in apartments until we moved here) and we didn’t want to make waves if repeatedly retrieving balls was the done thing!

OP posts:
Original poster
AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 01/05/2018 18:25

Thanks everyone, I feel like I’ve had a virtual gentle shake and been told to pull my big knickers on and deal with it like an actual adult. I’ll update as soon as I have an update Grin

OP posts:
Flutist · 01/05/2018 18:28

Disgraceful behaviour from the parents next door. Fences cost a lot of money to repair. My DC would not be allowed to kick a ball against the fence full stop, never mind damage it by crawling under to trespass in the neighbour's garden. Go round and ask for them to stop it. And check your deeds to see if you own the fence. I'd be inclined to nail the panels down if I owned the fence or erect another fence alongside if I didn't own it, to prevent further trespass.

VelvetSpoon · 01/05/2018 18:29

But for the fact you are in a detached I could have written something very similar.

My neighbours kids were constantly kicking the ball up against the fence (which became broken and tatty as a result) and kicking it over (indeed on occasion deliberately throwing it over, I saw them) and then climbing over to get it themselves. They are all under 10.

I did ask the dad to stop them climbing over and to not deliberately chuck balls over. His response was that it's what kids do. Knobber.

We have however recently replaced the fence with a higher, sturdier one and so far no balls over. Long may it continue!

WomanEqualsAdultHumanFemale · 01/05/2018 18:30

I have two boys. One football mad. He isn’t allowed to kick footballs at the fence on either side. His ball went over once and I said he could go and apologise and ask For it back but that if it ever went over again he could consider it lost. It helps that we don’t get on with my neighbour so I have no interest in creating any more rows with him! Grin the DCs know this.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 01/05/2018 18:31

I'd also be making them pay for and repair the damage done to the fence by their actions.

VioletCharlotte · 01/05/2018 18:41

I'd go round and speak to them nicely about it (not all guns blazing!). I have to admit, my neighbour had to have a quiet with me when my boys were little and played football in the garden. I think when you have small boys you can become immune to the noise they make and forget how irritating they are to other people! I was mortified when she said, and made them use soft balls only in the garden after that.

Sandra2167 · 01/07/2022 02:53

I have dealt with a recurring ball problem from my neighbours, and I understand your pain. I have a newborn at the time, and they balls always woke him up, and my husband and I were getting tired of the constant noise and fence climbing. He was too shy to do anything, so I did. Every ball I found, I waited till the neighbours kids came looking, and I would have a big friendly smile, hold the ball under my arm and ask if this was theirs. They replied yes, and then I would pop it, and squeeze it flat under my arm. I told them that would happen to every ball in my yard, regardless of size and worth. After I got through six balls, we haven't had any trouble since.

Remember, they have to see you punish them, to fully understand :)

Ninjasan · 01/07/2022 04:04

Sandra2167 · 01/07/2022 02:53

I have dealt with a recurring ball problem from my neighbours, and I understand your pain. I have a newborn at the time, and they balls always woke him up, and my husband and I were getting tired of the constant noise and fence climbing. He was too shy to do anything, so I did. Every ball I found, I waited till the neighbours kids came looking, and I would have a big friendly smile, hold the ball under my arm and ask if this was theirs. They replied yes, and then I would pop it, and squeeze it flat under my arm. I told them that would happen to every ball in my yard, regardless of size and worth. After I got through six balls, we haven't had any trouble since.

Remember, they have to see you punish them, to fully understand :)

You must be so proud of yourself. I hope your neighbours will be so lovely to your child one day. You sound crazy.

AgentProvocateur · 01/07/2022 04:41

@Sandra2167 I hope you’re joking. Hard to believe anyone would be this much of an arsehole in real life.

vodkaredbullgirl · 01/07/2022 05:26

Sandra 🙄

Onlyhuman123 · 01/07/2022 05:35

Sandra2167 · 01/07/2022 02:53

I have dealt with a recurring ball problem from my neighbours, and I understand your pain. I have a newborn at the time, and they balls always woke him up, and my husband and I were getting tired of the constant noise and fence climbing. He was too shy to do anything, so I did. Every ball I found, I waited till the neighbours kids came looking, and I would have a big friendly smile, hold the ball under my arm and ask if this was theirs. They replied yes, and then I would pop it, and squeeze it flat under my arm. I told them that would happen to every ball in my yard, regardless of size and worth. After I got through six balls, we haven't had any trouble since.

Remember, they have to see you punish them, to fully understand :)

You sound like a neighbour from hell. There are much nicer and kinder ways to resolve this issue before resorting to being horrible and cruel to young kids. 🙄

piqueet · 01/07/2022 05:48

I think people who pop the balls have issues! Glad I don't live by you.

My ds football often ends up in neighbors garden. Ds knows they pass them back when they can.

We have nice neighbors.

Tontostitis · 01/07/2022 05:54

You have 2 issues first it's not OK to kick hard balls against a fence so politely ask them ro stop, second throw balls back when it suits you not straight away.

ItsJustASimpleLine · 01/07/2022 05:57

I feel your pain. We went away for 4 nights came back to 16 balls in our garden. Our house is slightly out of line with the neighbours so overlaps the neighbour to the right and their neighbour behind. The boys throw balls over their shared fence all the time and sometimes miss and the one behind is football mad and has a goal up against our fence (as opposed to against his garage Hmm). We usually get a couple of balls a day in our garden normally. We throw back when we go outside but they clearly have plenty balls between them so don't go out specifically everytime.

A ball came over from the othersode for the time the other day and they knocked for it. If they hadn't it would have gone over the fence the other way as I had no idea so think we could have problems in the future Confused