Desperate for some help/advice/opinion .. what would you do??

[Mummygettingthroughit201]

I feel like I'm going to lose the plot!! I don't know what is going to make me happy and it's eating me up!!

I have a new baby, who is bloody gorgeous she's my world, I look at her and just feel so bad for feeling so down!! I'm single and her father is taking me to court for 50% access (that's a whole other story that's coming with its own stress!). My family live 160 miles from me - so I'm very much by myself apart from a few friends.

I have found a new house to move back to near my family but as soon as I got the news it was mine if I wanted it I burst into tears, I was so sad! What the hell?! Why was I so upset? When I'm upset when I'm by myself with no support other than a couple of mates anyway?! I would be leaving my job too unless they can transfer me after my mat leave is over.

Would you move away and start a fresh? I'm scared I'm going to make such a big move and regret it, and I don't want to mess anymore people around and I just want me and my baby settled.

I don't know what to do and I'm tearing my hair out!

Bless you, why wouldn't you be upset/second guessing yourself? You're no doubt full of new baby hormones, adapting to a new life as a mum and at a time when the father should be supporting you through all of this instead he's threatening you with court!

Find me anyone who wouldn't struggle with this!

I think moving back to your family is an excellent idea, but only if they're loving and helpful!

I’m guessing you didn’t plan to have your baby alone. No wonder you’re upset. So much change in such a short time. 💐

Don't rush into leaving your job before you have another one. Tell your friends how you are feeling and get some help to support you through the court case.

If your family will definitely be supportive then I'd probably do it BUT will it work out if you have shared access?

My family are very supportive, they were the ones that supported me throughout my pregnancy not baby's father. They are also putting up the cost of the legal side of things for me and my solicitor is based over near them. My friends are absolutely sick to death of hearing me talk about it all now I think, and I don't want to bring them down anymore with everything that's going on in my life. I'm not due back to work until the end of the year so I can't 100% secure anything else in case they can't transfer me ... 😞

Sorry you’re in this situation.

Doesn’t where you’ll live need to be resolved in court?

What are the work opportunities (beyond your current employer) and housing costs like where your family live, relative to where you live now?

Suggest seeing if any counselling is available on the NHS, you’re under a lot of stress and support would be good.

I've moved while in mat leave, leaving my job behind and a city I loved to live in, but I now live in my home city and although I cried a lot pre move (and during) I couldn't be happier now. I still know the area so well and it's amazing being close to so almost all of my family. I've realised is the best setting and place to be for this stage of my life and I haven't looked back.

Sorry for typos!

I'm not sure about the court thing? I don't know if that's something that can be decided or not with me not being from the area ..

I didn't plan on doing this by myself, I was planning on him being a better person but I was very wrong. Now I feel like I have nowhere to go/turn. I have my friends but I have no sitters, nobody I can call to come over if it gets to be a tough day...

I've spent most of my adult life in this place and I don't know if that's what's upsetting me, I hate change at the best of times and I feel like my entire world has just collapsed and I don't know how to piece everything back together I honestly think im going to have a breakdown and I can't because there's a little person relying on me, she's the only reason I put a smile on my face and get out. Everything else has gone to shit.

Did you move alone? Or with a partner?

X

YADNBU to feel upset

Moving to be closer to family makes a lot of sense, but that doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to be sad at leaving where you are now. Possibly the news about the house made the move seem more real, which made the shitty situation with ex more real too?

You sound close to breaking point and in no state to make a big decision. You should get legal advice on the advisability of moving but right now can you go and stay with your family for a week or more to get support and feel calmer?

If you haven’t seen your GP to be assessed for PND then please do that. Your situation sounds very tough.

Dear OP, you are in such a stressful situation and you need some help to see your options clearly.
Firstly, can you see your GP and get assessed for postnatal depression? It sounds like you are depressed and it is very, very common (up to 20% of new mums, and up to 40% in first month) so there is no need to feel bad about this. You are more likely to get postnatal depression as you seem to have no support and you really need lots of support and sleep to cope with a new baby. You are amazing and your DD is very lucky to have you so now you need to focus on getting well so that you can both have the best life together.
Remember, postnatal depression is only a short term illness but if you do not get help from your GP or HV it can drag on and leave you exhausted. The sadness is very much part of it and then you have all of this stress on top of it.
Please keep talking to us here, PM me if you need a one to one chat. You are doing all the right things but there are extra supports available if you have postnatal depression which will help you recover your energy and your happiness

Ask your solicitor for advice re moving. Since this will make it much harder for your ex to share residency / have contact, he will probably object, and it’s very relevant to your disagreement on all that.

Top priority should be seeking support for your mental health.

Move now because if he gets a court order later he could stop you moving.

I will ask about the moving situation .. I just don't know what to do. There isn't many houses around this area to rent and the one I've been offered I need to make a decision on by tomorrow .. But I don't want to make the wrong decision and then regret doing it f that makes sense .. Im just really struggling with the whole situation, I don't want to be in it. I can't piece everything back together I'm constantly second guessing myself .. and I just wanted to use my maternity to enjoy my baby

Have you already started the court process or is it still at the stage where he bellows and blusters but doesn't actually do anything?

If it's not at the court stage, you could probably move still but you choosing to move would be taken into consideration with regard to transport for contact if he does take you to court for contact. Also, if he finds out you're moving, he could apply for a court order that legally prevents you moving with the baby.

If it's already all in court etc you need legal advice because it would not look great if it can be twisted into a you moving to prevent contact narrative.

It's already at that stage, and it says he isn't going to order me back to the area