To worry I've treated this person badly

[Leftcheekrightcheek]

I was very close friends with someone for a number of years and would see or speak to her most days - we were each other's main confident.

Then a year or so ago our lives started to head down different paths, or rather she took a sharp turn off the path I'm still following. I actually thought this would cause our friendship to drift and realised I'd become too reliant on her and decided to make an effort to widen my social circle. I also found myself becoming increasingly irritated and annoyed by certain personality traits of hers. They're not things she can easily change and I don't dislike her but started feeling that I needed to distance myself and not have her as a close friend anymore as she can be an attention seeking drama queen.

So I started the distancing process. Stopped initiating contact, was slow to respond to her messages, stopped reacting to her prolific fb posts, too busy to meet up etc etc. Instead of the friendship slowly drifting like I expected, her persistence intensified and she eventually asked if she'd done anything to offend to which I replied that I was just very busy (which is actually true these days!).

After I declined yet another invitation to meet up several weeks ago I've not heard from her since. So it seems I finally got what I was aiming for!

However, I feel guilty! She often posts "woe is me" type stuff on fb and in the past I'd always be one of the first to react. She seems to be going through a particularly tough time at the moment, although I do now believe a lot of her issues are of her own making. I've ignored every post and let others do the ((((hugs)))). We have a few mutual friends who have mentioned "poor X" and asked if I've seen her lately to which I've been non committal muttering about being "too busy". I'm sure sooner or later people will realise we're no longer friends and will think I'm a cold hearted cow

Honestly folks, AIBU or did I treat this friend like shit and handle the whole thing badly?!?

I had to dump someone last year after I found out she'd lied to me about something that had previously really hurt me. She lied because she wanted me to help her get a new job, not because she thought she was being kind. There had been other incidents - cheating on her taxes and being pissed off when she found out she could otherwise have claimed benefits, and stealing trinkets from shops when she was out with me (so I would have been pulled up too - my job depends of having a clean Disclosure).

I haven't told her she's dumped. What can I say? You're a liar, a cheat and a thief and I don't want to spend time with you?

OP might well have valid reasons for dumping and not spelling it out.

I think if the op has been asked straight out, which she had she should say.

I don’t think we have the same values and interests anymore and I think we are just in different spaces now. I’m really busy with this and this and this. You haven’t offended me, we are just in a bit of a trough. It’s inportnant to me that you don’t feel like you’ve done anything wrong, it’s just how things have played out.

Then leave it.

FFS. I can't believe the drama folk on here put up with from people who are neither:
a) family; nor
b) amazingly proficient sexual partners.
What. Is. The. Point? Dump and get another friend. There are, after all 6 billion people on the planet.

If I'm putting up with drama, it better be because that person gave birth to me or because I get fabulous coitus out it.

Atalune that's not hugely different to what the Op has done and sounds more like distancing than being clear that you no longer want to be friends. I mean what does we are just in a bit of a trough and we are just in different spaces now even mean? Those are just vague, meaningless phrases. Bearing in mind there is another person involved in this conversation who is extremely likely to want clarity ie the friend you're dropping.

I have a question for those who are saying this is a horrible thing to do (I agree). Would you change your mind if the OP had said that she was mildly depressed and that being in contact with her friend compounded this or does this not excuse such behaviour? Clearly the OP is not depressed, merely irked by the friend, I'm just curious as to whether this would change opinion.

porcupinepine, that's a really good point.
In my case, the other person either didn't realise we'd drifted apart ( not sure how, when we hadn't seen each other in over a year, despite living a mile apart, and hadn't had any involvement with each other on social media/ by phone), or wanted to put me in a position where I had to point it out to her, so as to make herself feel better by making me out to be unkind.

I have friends I don't see or speak to for months but they are still friends. Other friendships turn sour without a huge bust up and you can sense the tension in the silence - that was what happened in my case, and I just knew that the other person was going out of their way not to respond in any way to anything I said or did on FB ( which, in itself, was not an issue, obviously, but was indicative of her jealousy and a change in how she viewed the friendship).