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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for exP's new girlfriend's phone number now that they are all staying over with her?

19 replies

blahblah12 · 30/04/2018 13:24

AIBU to ask for exP's new girlfriend's phone number/address now that they are all staying over with her? I only know about this because the kids have told me after the event. ExP and I do not have good relationship. I also gather that there was some time during the previous weekend with exP where new GF was in sole charge of my youngest child while exP was somewhere else with older children (new GF apparently has kids of similar ages, though again I only know this because my children have told me). So, is it ok to ask for her details? Children are 5 and 2. New GF seems nice from the 1 minute I got to say hello a couple of weeks ago. I have no issue with the kids spending time with her, they seem to like her, I just feel weird that I have no way to contact her. ExP likely to be unwilling, and haven't asked yet, but just wanted Mumsnet opinion on whether this is a reasonable request or not. Thanks

OP posts:
Aprilmightbemynewname · 30/04/2018 13:27

Sorry op but none of your business. You could offer up your number though.
My exh new gf was happy to keep me posted on my ds's - her decision, and it made exh raging!! But you can't insist on anything.

Ginmakesitallok · 30/04/2018 13:27

Nope not reasonable. I assume that if you need to contact the kids you can do so via your ex?

YetAnotherUser · 30/04/2018 13:28

YABU, it's a bit controlling.

Does/would your ex demand contact details for your new partner? Would you be happy to give it out since you don't have a good relationship with your ex?

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2018 13:31

Absolutely not. When they're having contact with their father, their equal parent, he's responsible for them and they can spend time with anyone he deems fit.

Likewise, when they're with you.

When you get a boyfriend, are you going to give your ex his number? Whether he likes it or not?

stressedbeyond123 · 30/04/2018 13:31

I totally get why you would want to ask for her number, i'd be the same.

maybe it might be best, to pass your number to her and say if she ever needs you to just ring/text. You never know, it might encourage her to give you her number also

Original poster
blahblah12 · 30/04/2018 13:33

Ok, perhaps I'll offer her my number if I ever get to meet her again. Thanks for your thoughts

OP posts:
ImNotMeImSomeoneElse · 30/04/2018 13:37

Totally understand how you feel, but do you tell your ex where your children are if they have a sleepover or are with family overnight? Do you make sure he has contact numbers for whoever they are with when they aren't with you?

JacquesHammer · 30/04/2018 13:42

Not whilst she’s a “new girlfriend” but if it becomes a long term thing I think it’s easier all round for all adults to be in contact with each other.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2018 14:03

Offering her your number in case she wants it is a good idea and your ex should appreciate the gesture on your part.

BitchQueen90 · 30/04/2018 14:27

My exh has a long term partner and I don't have her number. What would I need it for?

stressedbeyond123 · 30/04/2018 14:35

@BitchQueen90 - because the new GF watches her children.

if someone was watching my children i would like to have the means for contact, for both our sakes, not just mine x

Beamur · 30/04/2018 14:36

I've never had the phone number of my SC's Mum, nor offered mine. I would have found it weird to be asked. But, we all get on ok and DH gets on fine with his ex.

Peterrabbitscarrots · 30/04/2018 14:38

Maybe offer her your number for emergencies and see if she reciprocates.

Bluebell878275 · 30/04/2018 14:39

I think it's a good idea. I have my DSD's mum's number and she has mine. I'm just another person to contact if she can't get hold of my DH. Seems practical to me.

pinkflamingo121318 · 30/04/2018 14:41

As others have suggested, I agree with giving her your number in case of an emergency.

It would be easier for her to get in contact with you if something did happen, than having to tell your ex and have him contact you.. cuts out the middle man!

NightAndShiningArmour · 30/04/2018 14:43

Wow. An unusual consensus on MN!

The one about whether a woman who had been separated from her ExDH for EIGHT years and 50:50 childcare should have a say in whether the GF could come to a blumin open evening produced much more mixed results...

But anyway, sorry, I digress...

Really nice idea from someone above to offer your own number first, OP :) be prepared for the offer to still be interpreted poorly if you don’t have a good relationship with your Ex.

Fatted · 30/04/2018 14:46

If she's looking after the kids, then it's more than reasonable to have some means of contacting her in an emergency.

Original poster
blahblah12 · 01/05/2018 12:43

Thanks all, it's useful to have an outside perspective.

OP posts:
Marriedwithchildren5 · 01/05/2018 12:50

Could have sworn op said they had no issue at all with gf spending time with children and she seems very nice. The only issue being exP isnt very good at passing on info.

Op is obviously controlling, unreasonable. Only on mumsnet. Best and most normal advice is to offer your number to gf.

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