Favouritism?

[UpSideDownBrain]

Lots of threads about favouritism recently which have made me think about it a bit more. I'm in the middle of 2 boys - the youngest son is the golden child and lives nearby. The oldest son lives a long way from all of us. I'm the daughter who is expected to do everything - but can do no right. Nothing I do is good enough.
How do you break the cycle? How do you make your parent see how crap this is?
I was sitting in my mum's house the other day and realised I was surrounded by photos of my younger brother, but there were none of me anywhere.

You don't OP, because the parent doesn't care. Your expecting a narcissist to have empathy and that's really not what they are about. You have to change the rules or go LC or NC whichever you can feel is best for you.

A friend in not a dissimilar position managed to change the rules. She did this after realising she actually "held most of the cards". Her Golden Child DB had no intention of sticking around being "The Golden Boy" he had far more important things like travel and a great job overseas. He started a family and lived his life with little to no thought to the parents who placed him on a pedestal. Meanwhile my friends parents had no real friends and started to really rely more and more on her. She maintain a relationship with her parents, but very much on her own terms when and how it suited her. Suddenly, they started to treat her very nicely and she is quick to treat any backsliding with a firm withdrawal of assistance.

She is thinking of moving overseas herself and they will just have to cope as best they can. They really treated her with such contempt when she was a child and as a young women.

I maintain a good relationship with my one sibling, a brother. No opportunity to offset one of us against the other - not that my parents would. With my own DC, they get on together very well and support each other and that is important.

Just a question about the photos - do you ever give your parents photos or you and your family?

You don't change it. You step away from it.

You can't change it, because they don't care.

You won't change it, because they don't listen.

Put yourself first.

Unfortunately you can't change how your parents behave, all you can do is change how you behave. Stop allowing them to tell you to do "everything" and also learn a lesson to never do that to your own children (if you have any) I'm sorry though, as a parent myself I really don't know how parents can treat their kids that way :(

No answers just to echo what others have said. Now you have realised what is going on change how yo behave and they may amend some behaviours towards your but unlikely that they will alter enough to make you feel more central!

I'm the middle child and definitely not the favourite! My older brother has always been my mum's favorite and youngest sister is dad's favorite. Although, it's never been hugely spiteful. My mum has a lot of undiagnosed mental health problems and control issues and she has spent a life time telling me I'm not good enough and nothing I can do is right. But I think she's like that with us all really.

Honestly, I just withdraw from it. I do my own thing, I don't involve her in a lot of my day to day life. I don't have conversations with her about things I know will start a fight. I do end up helping because I'm the nearest, but I wouldn't say I do more than the others.

It's annoying now because my youngest son is my mum's new favorite. He was ill the other day and she rang straight away after I text my dad to ask how he was. I've been struggling with health problems for ages and she's never once asked about that (although I'm glad about this). Also eldest was ill the other day and she never rang asking after him when she knew!

I hear you! Middle child here, younger brother is the golden child. Issues have come up over the years and the straw that broke the camels back happened recently. I'm so sick of being the bad daughter, everything depends on making sure gb is treated fairly, sod the fact that previously everything was skewed towards him being treated better/more favorably. That has rankled for years.
So now I don't phone, I'm busy if the parents ring then ring back when it suits me, totally disengaged. I'm not volunteering to help with anything and was given some handy phrases from people on here if I get caught on the hop and are asked to do anything. The sad thing is I don't think it's been noticed I'm not ringing them.

How do you want to manage the situation?

Do you want to...

*challenge their behaviour?
*slip quietly away?

Only you know how your parents will react to each situation.

The way to manage each option (for yourself) is to be prepared for the worst. Either they deny their behaviour and don’t change, or they don’t notice you’ve gone. Both will hurt. Protect yourself.

The only behaviour you can change is yours.