To let dc indulge in their obsessions and not do outings

[theduchessstill]

Just had another weekend in which we haven't really done much and am wondering whether I'm wrong here.

Ds2 went to his dance class on Saturday afternoon, and we had some errands to run before that, but otherwise they have done very little. Ds1 (11) has had 2-3 hours each day on xbox/phone games. He has also done music practice and spent ages kicking a soft ball around or following me around telling me stuff about football.

Ds2 (8) has spent the vast majority of the weekend on Spotify listening to a couple of singers he likes and looking stuff up about them online. He has also watched a few episodes of Lego Friends. He's done a fair bit of singing as well, including performing a concert for me. He's word perfect on a huge range of songs. He also used an electronic set to build a voice recorder thing on which he amused himself saying things like 'I need a poo,' and playing it back.

I planned an outing for today but neither of them wanted to go anywhere and, tbh, I had some work to catch up on and could really do without paying £30-50 to go somewhere they don't really want to go in the freezing cold. We've kind of exhausted all the cheaper, local options and the weather's shit, which doesn't help. But now I think I should have insisted or found somewhere else to go - I just have a sad feeling we wasted another weekend. I only have them every other one and their dad does fuck all with them on his, but, thinking about it, so do I lately. It's like we've got out of the habit of doing stuff.

They used to read loads, but both seem to have stopped and I feel awful that ds was on a screen for the majority of the time, though he was kind of reading then.

Do others force their dc into being more active/varied in their activities and if so, how?

Do they feel they're missing out on anything?

YANBU

Kids don’t need every minute of their lives to be sceduled and structured. We all need proper down time where we can literally please ourselves. That’s what yours did this weekend. It’s fine. Really. Don’t over think it. Tbh as a child most of my weekends went as follows: Saturday morning Kids TV with cereal on lap, go into town with Mum for groceries and visit nana. Possibly have lunch out. Home to put groceries away. Rest of the afternoon was our own to do as we pleased. There were no activities or outings unless it was someone’s birthday. And we lived in the country side so couldn’t call for friends. It was fine. I had a great childhood.

If you need a break at the weekend to do nothing and let your children just hang out in the house then I think that’s fine.

I have friends who need about 7 months notice to meet for lunch at the weekend because they literally book up every sat/sun with all sorts of activities ranging from essential to absolute shite that could be missed to give their kids a break.

Our weekend sounds like yours. This sat was dance club for one dd the rest of us went aldi. Today we caught up wits ninja warriors and bgt and went to ikea. The rest of the time I did hpuse work played with them a bit and that's it. It's fine ! They loved being at home.

Sounds like they have both been productive in their own ways and enjoyed their own interests. Doesn't sound like a wasted weekend to me

Sounds fine to me. Better weather might entice them out but I can't say I blame anyone for wanting to stay in when it's wet and windy.

I think it’s nice to have a balance of in and out of the house at the weekend. We try to keep one day plan free each weekend so that we can catch up on jobs and just mooch about a bit. We’re lucky that we have 3 playparks within striking distance (closest one is only a matter of yards away) so I’ll usually make myself a coffee and take Ds there for an hour with his scooter at least even if we spend the rest of the day snuggled up on the sofa watching documentaries about trains (his choice not mine I hasten to add!) I get cabin fever if I don’t leave the house at all for a whole day...

My 8 & 10yos love not doing anything. I used to always do clubs and outings but it got so hard to get them out of the house.

They want to maybe go to the park, go on a walk or bike ride and lounge in their jimjams.

children are so pressured at school these days they just need to breathe sometimes.

We took the children out for one hour this weekend, to run around the local wood and enjoy the bluebells. Otherwise, we just did clubs, football, dance etc. I prefer these weekends. They are restorative.

We had a chilled weekend. My ds played football then we popped to the supermarket, had a mooch round the shops. Mine find school exhausting, so like the odd relaxing weekend.

It sounds a lovely relaxing weekend with both boys spending time on things that they were interested in. Children need to learn how to entertain themselves and don't need constant scheduled outings and classes. Even a bit of boredom doesn't hurt. In fact, it's supposed to be good for children as it can provoke their creativity.

The only bit that made me a little sad was at the end of your op when you said that they used read a lot, but have stopped. Maybe if you cut down their screen time a little you can rekindle their interest in reading.
You could even offer to read to them and see if you can all snuggle up together with a book. I've got very fond memories of my mum reading to me years after I could read fluently to myself.

Kids don't need to be constantly doing stuff. Do stuff in the holidays, when there's more time. It's good for them to have a rest after they've been at school all week.

There's no place like home !
Sounds like you all enjoyed your weekend, in your own ways.
Wait until the sun shines, then you'll all want to go outside.

A day mooching and hanging out is a treat. Even children need to kick back sometimes.

I spent my weekends being dragged round mfi and grandparents house. (In fact I'm pretty sure I've visited every mfi in England ) I hated ever minute and only wanted to stay at home and play with my toys/friends.

I never plan anything for the weekend because I remember never feeling like ide been home and relaxed. I've put on clean pjs and haven't left the house all weekend it's been heaven.

Thanks for all the replies - nice not to be flamed as lazy!

cariadlet The reading thing makes me very sad too. I have tried all sorts to get them reading, but have had to back off as it wasn't working and was risking making it a battle ground, which I thought would be counter-productive. Ds1 does dip in and out of various non-fiction texts, and probably reads quite a bit that way (not this weekend though and ds2 will read at bedtime if there's a book he loves, but he hasn't got one at the moment. Need to shop!

I read aloud to them, but sometimes that can be dodgy as they get silly and then I get irritated and it's not joyful at all. I did read to them yesterday for half an hour and it was fine. Doesn't seem like a lot though.

It’s been a long winter and now it’s still cold so nobody feels much like doing outdoorsy stuff. I’m usually a great fan of getting out in the fresh air but haven’t even walked the dog this weekend. Not that she seems bothered.
Kids need a rest at weekends as much as adults. When summer finally arrives kids will be more inclined to get outdoors.

On the reading front have you thought about getting a subscription to a magazine on their favourite topic. There are loads of magasines available aimed at children from young through to teens issued both weekly and monthly. They're a way of getting children reading and encouraging their interest in the topic.

My 9 year old loves a 'lazy day', where we just mooch around the house doing whatever pleases us. I work full time and appreciate the chance to get caught up around the house then laze around with him watching a movie or some such.

I kick my kids out to play and think I am doing well to do that occasionally! DD, age 12, is pretty good, she will go off to mooch around shops with a friend or run around outside. She goes to the gym a lot, does karate, which takes up quite a bit of family time on weekends too.

DS is more reluctant to leave the house. He got on my laptop to play at 10 am, then eventually got prized away from it at 3 pm. He didn't leave the house at all today. Sometimes I sent my DD to get one of his friends to call for him, then he goes out.

We really enjoy chilling together as a family, so don't do outings as such on weekends. In the school holidays, I do more on my own with the DC.

Don’t worry OP it sounds like a nice weekend.
This weekend was really cold and rainy so we didn’t feel like going anywhere either! As others have said, kids need downtime too. I do outings with them in the school holidays, but at weekends by the time we’ve done a music lesson / sport lesson / usually a birthday party or two, plus homework, it would be too much of a rush to do an outing as well, so the rest of the time I let them mooch around, play computer games, read books. They’ve had the Lego out, had a Nerf gun battle. I’ve got all the ironing done! We all feel relaxed and rested and ready for the week ahead. In fact at dinner DS was saying how much he enjoyed playing at home with his siblings.

Magazine/comic subscriptions might be a nice ting to get them reading again? They could choose one each. Mine all love Fridays when their magazine comes in the post.

Meant to say, when the weather is warmer I am sure they will be keener to go out and do stuff. If it’s a nice day we’ll take the bikes and bats & balls to the local park for an hour or two, a cheap and cheerful outing. I prefer to save the bigger more expensive outings for school holidays when everyone is more relaxed.

How is letting dc relax and recharge batteries a 'waste of a weekend' ? .

The whole point of having time off from your work (as an adult) or school (as a child) is because you need a break and a rest. Some people catch up with sleep, others catch up with friends, some like to take part in hobbies or interests, and some like to just 'chill'.

I wouldn't flame you. My son is a homebod and loves nothing more than spending his weekend at home, doing what he wants to do, which is playing outside with friends, with Lego and Minecraft on his Xbox. He HATES spontaneous suggestions of outings and Sunday is his 'last day before school' when he creates all manner of fuss if I expect him to deviate from his own simple plans. It's not that we never go anywhere, we do, but I've stopped fighting it and feeling guilty that we don't have weekly weekend excursions or hobbies. He does mon-fri school, football and a kickboxing class, sometimes swimming and I make sure he gets plenty physical activity and fresh air when weather allows. I think there's way too much pressure to fill kids' time and give them non-stop 'experiences'. You have to listen to what makes them happy too and give them some space to create their own entertainment.