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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not making teenager study at a desk in her room?

26 replies

Keeptrudging · 29/04/2018 19:56

DD is getting to the age of studying for exams. She's really conscientious, always hands homework in on time, work of a high standard, generally top/near top of class in most subjects. She studies 2 instruments and practices for them too (all unprompted). I genuinely don't ever have to get onto her, she's really organised. She studies either at the dining table or the coffee table in the living room.

DH is now suggesting it's time she did all her studying at a desk in her room, so she's got everything in one place/isn't distracted. I'm disagreeing, I don't care where she studies as long as she keeps her grades up. I trust her to know herself what works for her.

I quite often have to work at home and also prefer working on the sofa/at the kitchen table, I only use the study if I really need total quiet. I'm a teacher, so IMO it's not the location that matters, it's the motivation (which she's got in spades).

OP posts:
emmaluvseeyore · 29/04/2018 19:57

If it’s working how she studies now, then leave her to it. I work so much better if I’ve got the tv on in the background. I wrote my entire PhD thesis sat in my living room with the tv on!

Pengggwn · 29/04/2018 19:57

Is all her stuff in his way?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/04/2018 19:58

You are right - if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! Why would your dh want to change things when it is working just fine for your dd, as it is now?

britnay · 29/04/2018 19:59

I used to study sat on my bed as that is where I was most comfortable and I could spread out nicely.

Breakfastofmilk · 29/04/2018 20:24

Completely agree, some people work better with a bit of background noise. If it works for her leave it alone.

Aftershock15 · 29/04/2018 20:31

Personally I think studying in bed rooms is a really bad idea for teens. When / If they do start stressing about work and exams it’s the last thing they see at night and the first thing they see in the morning and I’m sure doesn’t help stress. Much better to work at the dining table. Encourage her to keep her stuff organised and not leave it spread about when she has finished studying, but otherwise I would leave it as is.

Original poster
Keeptrudging · 29/04/2018 20:34

No stuff in his way, so no reason for him being all Victorian. 😃 I'm so glad to hear your replies, I hated studying in a quiet place, much preferred background noise/people around.

OP posts:
Original poster
Keeptrudging · 29/04/2018 20:36

Also, her brother used to claim to 'study' in his room but wasn't really. Homework often missed, messed up exams etc, so I'm much happier she's in plain sight!

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 29/04/2018 20:40

If it genuinely doesn't affect him and she is working really well, I don't get why he would care. Not sure it's Victorian, it's odd, though.

KindergartenKop · 29/04/2018 20:43

I used to not study in my bedroom. My mum thought I was up there for hours! The kitchen table is better IMHO.

TenancyTroublesAgain · 29/04/2018 21:44

Let her study where she wants.

MotherOfBeagles · 29/04/2018 21:48

My best study space was always my bed with the tv on long films or tv series i had seen several times. Look like a bomb had hit with books and paper and noise but that's when I was most productive.

My step dad used to try and get me at a desk in quiet and I couldn't cope I couldn't concentrate. I still work best at work with my stuff spread around me and lots of noise.

FASH84 · 29/04/2018 21:51

If she's fine as is let her keep doing it, unless she leaves a mess and the table is then out of action for meals etc, then the deal would be use it, but we need it clear for dinner time etc.

Thundercracker · 29/04/2018 22:14

Leave her be. I got all As at GCSE and A level lying on my bedroom floor, or sometimes on the bed, with either the tv or the radio on permanently. If it ain't broke and all that...

Original poster
Keeptrudging · 29/04/2018 22:21

Grin Have now gleefully told DH he's been unanimously outvoted by Mumsnet Grin Of course DD will probably now decide to study at her desk Wink

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 29/04/2018 22:26

Two sayings - "it's only a problem if it's a problem"

And

"Don't fix what's not broken"

😘

Angie169 · 29/04/2018 22:28

her grades are good , she is organised , hands work in on time . why on earth would DH want to change where she studies . Madness !

bringincrazyback · 29/04/2018 22:44

YANBU. Different people work in different ways.

SenecaFalls · 29/04/2018 22:54

I mostly work from home. I have a fully equipped home office, but I am usually at the dining room table or on the sofa.

Let her study where she is comfortable.

InfiniteCurve · 29/04/2018 23:06

At one point in our school life our parents got DSis and I desks so we could work in our bedroom.We hated them and it - desks too small,room too quiet,we carried on working on the dining room table where there was enough space (and for me I work better if I've got a bit of noise and stuff going on around me - if it's too quiet that distracts me ,I'm then listening for every stray noise.I need my music or something similar)
If what she is doing works for her let her keep on doing it!

Original poster
Keeptrudging · 29/04/2018 23:18

Sometimes I sit and work at one end of the dining table, DD working at the other, it's lovely! DH meant well, he's not generally bossy, I think it's down to his own study habits (he used a desk). I was forced to study at a desk as a teenager and perfected the art of pretending to study whilst doing anything but.

OP posts:
opinionatedfreak · 29/04/2018 23:18

We used to have to do homework in our rooms but in the run up to exams were always allowed to take over the dining room. My parents have a big table so we I used to always have a seat per subject...

I think my siblings did the same. We are spaced in such a way two of us were never doing big exams at the same time..

We also used to eat meals at the kitchen table so the summer term dining room takeover was never an issue.

SaltyPeanut · 29/04/2018 23:31

No offence meant here but you are a teacher and your DH thinks his suggestion would be better, that's a little bit funny (ha ha not nasty).

Has he got a slight touch of the mansplains?

Working together at the dining table sounds lovely by the way and your daughter is lucky to have such an understanding mum.

Dragongirl10 · 29/04/2018 23:36

I say let her be where she is happy.

Also bedrooms should be the most relaxing places to get away from work, l couldn't sleep with my work all around me!

Its much nicer to have a peaceful bedroom to go to after work/studying is done....

She sounds like a great daughter.

Petitepamplemousse · 29/04/2018 23:36

Obviously she should study where she likes. Some people like background noise. How lovely that she likes to be near her family. He is BU.