To leave a 9yr alone with 2 12 year olds?

[yetAnotherNewName1000]

Inspired by another thread, but interested to know how other people feel.
My 2 dd's (9 and 12 yrs) went to a sleepover with a friend (12 yrs). They were left alone for 1.5 hours while the parents went to a local (

I'd be very upset about this, they were a bit irresponsible really.

Depends on how responsible their 12yo is. She must be trusted for them to leave.

No, not okay at all.

I have left my 10 yo alone with friends if they have come round but only with their parents permission and I don't think I would do it in the evening.

Fine with your own children but not with someone else’s.

I can’t fathom people who would do this

I have 3 dc of about those ages and no way in hell would I leave them home alone!!
That's disgusting to leave someone else's dc when you have responsibility for them!!

So if i'm nbu, would you say anything? And if so, what? I'm thinking not so much now (it's happened and gone), but if they're invited again, or should I just put it down to experience and not let them go until the younger one is older?

It isnt reasonable to leave them at this age without getting parents' permission. In fact its outrageous to leave someone elses 9 year old unsupervised without speaking to
the parent first. How you deal with it depends on the details in my opinion. Are the adults your friends? If so you must speak to them. If they are not your friends are the girls likely to be invited again? I would say something if they are invited again otherwise i would leave it. If they are invited just say that you don't want them being left alone. If its never likely to happen again and you don't see these parents socially I would leave it but make your girls aware that you are not happy and would expect them to let you know If they are ever left in this circumstance again.

I would be unhappy and just wouldn't let them go again. I couldn't be arsed with a confrontation. I guess if the parents ask why you're not letting them then you'll have to say something.

IME, children together are likely to be much more badly behaved than when alone!

Whether their children are responsible or not they should have asked you first. I would be pissed off if someone did this to me. I wouldn't let my dd stay again

I agree it needs to be discussed and agreed in advance. We are in the early stages of planning an evening out with parents of two of my 12 yr old's schoolfriends. When I commented perhaps we could leave the boys together at our place, I was reminded of the existence of 9 yr old younger sister. I do think that this group could work though as the boys are pretty reliable.

I would say something and then not let them go again. If they wanted a night out they should have got a sitter. Twelve is too young to babysit and they shouldn't be responsible for others as children themselves.

I probably a bit biased given what my thread was about but I don't think it's acceptable at all.
If I've assumed responsibility for someone else's child I wouldn't be going out to the pub leaving a 12 yr old in charge, and certainly not without letting the other child's parents know so they can make an informed decision about their own child's well being. Just because A thinks something acceptable it doesn't follow that parent B would agree.
How you broach it though depends on your friendship. But no I wouldn't be best pleased.

Firstly it is illegal to leave children under 12 years old alone in the house (for the poster who leaves 10 year olds alone). Secondly, as it is just legal for a 12 year old to be left alone, I don't think they should be responsible for younger siblings/children. I would be pissed, OP.

It's not illegal, but in this situation I would not be happy at all.

You say "Hey, my DD told me that she was left with (friends children's names) while you and husband went out. I don't feel comfortable with this so I'd appreciate it if you didn't do this when DD is staying over."

claire90ftm where does it say it’s illegal to leave a 12 year old in the house alone??!! Many travel miles alone on public transport at that age.

No, it's not illegal to leave children under 12 alone in a house. The law is based on whetehr leaving them alone places them at risk, not on how old they are.
www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

Litr I agree. Surely pub night is another night

I have never understood how some parents, when taking responsibility for other people's children, think it's ok to continue with their way of parenting without consulting the other parents .

I might leave my own kids in my own home at that age, but I wouldn't make the decision for someone else's kids.

I have an 11 and 8 year old, get on well, bicker, but know when to be sensible. I haven't yet but id possibly leave them in the daytime to pop to the local shop. I wouldn't leave them in the evening, even when it's light (and I can't see that changing in a year).

I was left on my own at that age with my 2 younger brothers. This was in Canada, where children don't seem to require nearly as much supervision. I wouldn't be happy if another parent made that decision for me though.

I wouldn't have a problem with it. As long as the 12 year olds are responsible, I think it's fine and probably quite common with siblings. My bigger concern would be whether they would fall out.