AIBU

[louisejanep]

Long story I will try and narrow it down.
Current situation : been with partner 10 years we have 2 yr old DD together.

7 years ago we won £250,000 on the euromillions. Which was amazing in complete shock. I always put the lottery on but didnt have card with me this particular day so partner put it on his card. We agreed to split money, anyway long story short we were arguing around the time and he kept all money in his account.

He then used money to set up a property developing company and said all the money was 'tied' up. I continued to work. Had DD in 2015 and i have done nothing but struggle financially to raise our little girl.

He has bought houses and weve lived there for a little while got settled then hes said there too much money in this house and sold it where weve had to move again. Current house we live in didnt have floor down for months and ended up living in hotel, daughter is nearly 3 and still sleeps in travel cot in r room because none of other rooms done.

I have returned to univeristy to do a masters degree will finish this October, i have DD all day (she goes nursery 2 mornings a week so i can go library for studying) and I work most nights when he finishes work i dont finish till around 11pm!

He tells everyone and me all the time that im so lucky that I live somewhere mortgage free and i have someone to pay my bills. Which is lucky I suppose but I still pay for food nursery fees (which cripple me) and pay for my car, phone and all my bills. So little money I am left with pays for days out in the week with my little girl to soft play, farm parks etc.

Im exhausted working all the time, trying to find things to sell on ebay. My family are amazing they buy my daughter lots of clothes etc, take her out so i can study.

I really want to go onto PHD study but I dont think im going to be able to, just because once DD starts preschool i need to work more hours. Im trying so hard and earlier he said im always relying on him and my family for handouts. I work my arse off and im working so intensly on my masters degree so I can have that financial freedom.

He borrows £1000s out to family as they ask a lot. But i ask for a little help towards nursery fees and he says no our daughter doesnt need to go nursery shes only going because you want to go to university so you will have to pay yourself.

I jsut feel really stressed in this current situation. Sorry for the long ranting post.

What a dick. I'm sorry you live with such a financially and emotionally abusive arsehole. Yadnbu.

Are you married? Divorce the selfish cunt and take him for half of everything you can get.

I've never heard anything so selfish. 'Help' towards nursery fees??? For his own child??

Fuck that for a laugh. You'll be better off without him.

He’s not treating you well or fairly at all. I would plan my exit.

Don’t stay for the money

Leave him now, you and your child deserve so much better, also seek legal advice as you will be entitled to something

we're not married, he said he would never marry me because his mum had loads of affairs and had bad upbringing that all women are sneeky and do the same!!
He said if we were ever to get married he would want pre-nups incase I took HIS money. We were together for 3 years when he lived in a bedroom in a rough area at his dad's house and had nothing!

Leave, he's a twat and you may we'll be entitled to a share anyway. See a solicitor.

Seriously, the man is a total fuckwit. Get out, you shouldn't live like that.

OP - if the roles were reversed, and you were working whilst your partner worked, studied, looked after your DD and (I'm guessing) did the housework/cooking/laundry.... would you treat him like this? Would you stand by with £££ and let your partner struggle financially raising the child you made together? And then boast that you were supporting him?

What at utter bellend he sounds.

Does he take any responsibility for his DD?

Um I'm not very good at this, hoping some better informed posters will be along... you might be better posting on the relationships board...

I'm honestly not asking for any handouts Im living off student loans and part time work. I am working my arse off at my degree so I can be financially independent. You would think Im asking him for expensive things. He knows I've wanted to leave and said I would never be able to support myself. I know if I enter full time work when my daughter starts preschool I will be better off but I would really like to go on to get my doctorate .

I think you should seek legal advice. Do you have anything in writing from him that acknowledges half the money is yours? Even a text message? Tbh you should have fought this at the time.

Forgetting about the lottó win, he should be going half with you on the creche fees. She's his child too, how dare he expect you to foot the whole bill. He should be going half on everything for dd.. Clothes, creche, toys, everything.

Whoops x-post. Didn't want it to go unanswered

This isn't how a relationship should be, though. By all means work hard to be financially independent, but it takes two to make a child and he is totally shirking his responsibilities. Also- I'm pretty gobsmacked that the lottery winnings weren't split equally, bearing in mind that you have your own separate finances.

If they arent married she wont be 'entitled' to his assets.

The lottery win was in his name, not joint names. The OP has no claim to his assets . She will only have claim to CM, and then, he's set up a business hasn't he? Self employed and paying himself a small wage to avoid income tax.

Definitely a case of LTB. He's a selfish bastard and you're better off on your own.

Eliza my STBEXH used to say the same thing, if I want to go back to work I have to pay for nursery because I'm the one who wants the child to go nursery, so I can work. Some men really do think like this and are just selfish twats.

I was so young and naive at the time I just trusted that we were going to split things. He set up a bank account in his name and put both our names on the account but when we argued once he took my name off and said I would be too irresponsible with the money as it was for OUR future. I give him the benefit of the doubt as in those days in my eyes he could do no wrong. I feel that the win is irrelevant now, I just want help. he will happily sit there and watch me sell things to make money.

His sister even said not so long ago hes so good to you paying all the house bills! SO then i start to doubt myself and think well he is paying for all the bills, but I dont think its fair when hes able to buy all the things he does. Yet all my money goes on our DD.

I don't have any rights to the money as were not married and have no proof

Poptart4 - No I have nothing in writing, texts would have been on old phones as was over 7 years ago now.

MotherofThousands yes he does look after our little girl when I go to work. But no I would never watch him struggle if I had £££'s . I even sold my old car to take him on holiday for his 30th bday as a suprise, when he had all that money in the bank. And even to this day now because i couldnt afford his spends when we were there he says I should never have booked the holiday because he practically paid for it himself

Ltb. You don't want your daughter growing up thinking this is how relationships work. And he would have to pay you maintenance.

Sadly, he would barely have to pay much maintenance as his money is all capital. CMS don't take any of that into account! It's messed up