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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To change driving instructor?

14 replies

Dementeddriver · 29/04/2018 15:38

NC for this.

I've recently started driving lessons quite late in life (am 43). I'm doing ok, been on some very busy local roads, doing turns in the road, reversing, hill starts etc. I've now had 9 lessons so have had time to get used to the instructor but find her hard work. She's so negative about things, gets me in situations I'm not prepared for, eg stuck in traffic on a hill and I stalled it twice and rolled back and got stressed, teaches turns in the road and then teaches me plain reversing. She seems to leave what to do up to me but then criticises when I don't do what I should have done eg let someone cross the road when she says I should have just made them wait. She's always telling me I'm too close to parked cars and cones even though I've never even had a near miss, wants me to park about 4 inches from the curb, is paranoid about her suspension so I get told off if I don't manage to avoid a pot hole and don't get me started on speed bumps that I have to take at 10mph. Put your hand brake on, then next week: you're using your hand brake too much. I have to ask if I've done something correctly, she doesn't give any positive comments. I dread lessons. I've heard she's been like this with others too. I feel like she doesn't tell me what to do so that I get it wrong so she can criticise. In the last lesson she told me to go and reflect on the lesson because I'd not signalled at a junction where the right turn is considered straight on and no one signals. She asked if I needed to signal, I said no and carried on and she had her head in her hands. Ffs why didn't she just tell me?! I feel like an idiot half the time but she keeps changing the goal posts.
Is this what learning is like? Would ibu to change instructors?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 29/04/2018 15:47

TBH I just skimmed your post but yes, if you’re not comfortable with your instructor, get another. You don’t need to justify it to yourself - having a good instructor is essential!

Sparklesocks · 29/04/2018 15:59

A good teacher will point out what you could be doing better, but it should be constructive and helpful and mixed in with positive comments too.

I was a very nervous learner and like you I had an instructor initially who made me feel even more on edge, she would raise her voice and I felt like a scolded child and had no confidence.

The final straw came when she told me to turn suddenly and I didn’t because I would’ve nearly hit another car. I refused and she had a go at me for being dangerous. She later apologised and realised she’d made a mistake but it was too late..I was done.

At the end of the day you need an instructor you feel comfortable with so you feel at ease and can learn well. You don’t owe the instructor anything, it’s a business transaction at the end of the day and you’re paying for a service. Not every pupil they take on will stay, not everyone will like their style and so will go elsewhere.

I say get rid and find someone you feel more comfortable with. You’re not going to learn if you’re always stressed and on edge.

Dementeddriver · 29/04/2018 20:58

I'm going to phone around tomorrow and see what I can sort out. I felt stressed about the lesson for the whole day after the last one. First time I'd done turning in the road and only touched the curb once in 4 complete turns in the road and she was so critical.

OP posts:
treeofhearts · 29/04/2018 21:11

If she's stressing you out then change. I did in the same situation and my new instructor is so much better.

Dementeddriver · 29/04/2018 22:21

Thank you. I've got a lesson booked for next weekend with her and really don't want to go so hoping I can find someone else quickly.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 29/04/2018 22:25

Why wouldn’t you change?

kaykay72 · 29/04/2018 23:14

You’ll be paying a lot of money for driving lessons, so if you don’t feel that you ‘gel’ with this instructor and that her teaching methods don’t suit how you learn, then pay someone else. My d was in a similar situation, she had a 3 week gap until the new guy could fit her in, but her skill and confidence after only 3 lessons with a different instructor are much better than they would have been after 6 weeks with the previous guy.

Stefoscope · 29/04/2018 23:29

Yes definitely change if you're not happy. I stuck out 9 months with my first idiot driving instructor and he did nothing for my confidence. I'm sure I would never have passed if I continued having him as my teacher. I still find I get irrationally nervous driving on roads he used to regularly take me and I've had my license for a while now!

greenlynx · 29/04/2018 23:41

It's obvious you need a new instructor.
Her approach looks very strange. She needs to explain you what to do beforehand, practice with help and gradually withdraw her help. Also you lessons sound a bit too intensive and not following the usual syllabus ( but probably you started with some experience) .

lhastingsmua · 29/04/2018 23:49

Yeah, just change

I had a LOT of instructors I didn’t get on with (think flirty/creepy, purposely wasting time to squeeze extra money out of me, bad hygiene, flaking on me etc) until I found the one. It’s a completely different experience when you get on with your instructor and they genuinely want to help you, I progressed so much faster. So I would go for it if I was you

youthrewmysandwichAWAY · 29/04/2018 23:55

Nah. I had 5 different instructors. You need to be compatible.

TroubledLichen · 29/04/2018 23:59

Cancel the next lesson and get someone else. No doubt about it. If you know someone that has recently passed their test then maybe ask around for some recommendations.

DownInTheDumps1 · 30/04/2018 09:04

If your not comfortable change, she's obviously making you nervous.

She isn't necessarily wrong in what she's trying to teach you, however she should also be constructive in her criticism and be positive when you've got something right.

Dementeddriver · 01/05/2018 23:07

I've cancelled my lesson and am looking for another instructor.

OP posts:
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