Is this selfish?

[Lovelydovey]

Help settle an argument between DH and I please.

I officially work 4 days a week, though since Christmas due to workload have mostly been working 5 (I am being paid for the extra days). I’ve not taken any leave since the new year also due to work pressures, except 2 days at Easter to look after the DC (8 and 6). I’m working far longer hours than I want to, and feeling rather stressed and overwhelmed. I need some time to chill out, focus on me and get on top of things at home again. But I’m not going to be able to do that until at least early June due to work pressures. And in mid June I also start the next module of my masters course.

DH has taken 4 days leave in this period. 2 to look after dc and 2 to play golf, he also has 5 days leave booked for a golf trip later in the year. He works shorter hours than I do. He also plays golf every other weekend. Not relevant but he also earns less than I do.

I suggested to DH that I might take some time off in early June, 2 days of annual leave and 2 days discretionary leave I have been given in lieu of all the extra hours I’ve worked.

Apparently this is selfish as I will be at home while he is at work and the DC are at school. My view is that I need a few days to relax (me time if you will) and then to do things at home which will benefit all of them (cleaning, sorting out garden and cupboards etc). And DC will enjoy not having to go to breakfast and after school club for that week also.

For full info I normally end up with around 9 weeks leave each year (core leave, leave I buy, a handful of discretionary days and additional leave because I don’t work Mondays and so get a pro rate share of the bank holidays off in lieu). So not taking any real leave for 5 months leaves me in a position where I can afford to take some now and still have plenty left for the rest of the year. (5 weeks leave is already booked, most of which we will be going away as a family for, or I will be spending time with the DC in the summer holidays while DH works).

AIBU to take a few days leave for myself?

Why is it selfish for you to take those days but not selfish for him to take those days for golf? It doesn’t really make sense and is no different apart from you aren’t doing a structured activity and also you’ll be home in the evenings compared to his golf trip

If it's ok for him do have time of for golf is ok for you to have time off for yourself!

YANBU at all , everybody needs some down time were they can do what they want , and realistically you will only be have a few hours each day to yourself as you will have DC before and after school , personally I would still send them to the school clubs so you have a bit more me time, and as you are planning to do stuff in the house it is not like you are planning to go to a spa / long coffee morning / expensive lunches ( all of which I think you should do ) you are still 'working' at home ,
How about asking him to take the DC out on the weekends that he is not playing golf so you can have some proper 'me time' not house work time

He’s being the selfish one - why is it ok for him to have time off for golf and spend weekends but not you?? I’m also assuming every other weekend he doesn’t play golf you don’t get that time to do as you please either?

Not selfish at all.

So it's ok for him to take time off for golf but you have to use your days to do stuff he approves of and with him - eh fuck off love would be that he'd get from me

It's not at all selfish and you don't need his permission to have afew days to yourself.

It's odd he's getting upset by this. Is there another underlying issue we don't know about? It almost sounds like he is jealous/resentful of you having afew days leave.

I don’t understand. What does he think his golf trip is? Tell him to pretend you are playing golf and make it 5 days, the same length as his trip.