To be fixated on moving house

[LittleBlueBirdie]

God moved to what should have been a dream house but for various reasons I definitely picked the wrong newbuild development to move to...nightmare builder, noisy road, noisy neighbours, cliquey neighbours, nightmare parking honestly the list is ever growing.
Financially we can’t afford to move until I’m working again in 2 years time (when youngest starts school). Even then we wouldn’t be moving ‘up’ just across probably something smaller even.
I just feel so unhappy in this house it’s dragging me down- I feel like I’m counting down the days until I can move desperately checking rightmove on a daily basis.
I trying to keep it to myself as my Dh is fed up of hearing it, and I don’t want the kids to know how much I dislike this house.
I just want a home this house is definitely not that

Sorry that was just a huge moan...I suppose it’s ways I can snap out of it?

Did you buy or rent?

Brought so it was a costly mistake in moving fees etc

As tough as it is it sounds like the only thing that can change is your mind set..

There must ge some good points about the house - keep concentrating on those, and breathe......

Think you’re right atm I feel very much trapped here- less of an issue for Dh as he’s at work whereas I’m a sahm so have this constantly. Already dreading summer holidays and Xmas what should be happy times are not enjoyable here.

Honestly. Just try one positive about the house every week and concentrate on that. If you focus only on the negatives it will get worse. There must be some good things about the house if you chose it in the first place.

Try to remember - you can move and will move eventually.

The fact you have your own home enables this. Think of the people stuck in unsuitable social housing (me for instance).

But I agree its hard not to remain positive, especially when those people closest don't get what you're problem is, as it doesn't bother them.

I get the "Rightmove" thing but how about giving it a break until you're ready. Set a date when you want to start looking to move - in a year, two, whatever you decide. In the meantime try and make positive plans in between in terms of other aspects of life. Focus on having a nice time with the kids whilst they're still young etc.

Also you could perhaps spend some time making your home more attractive to sellers when you are ready to "go". Making some more money if possible to enable the move? Borrow off family?

How about making one of those 'vision board' things of the things you want to do. I know its very New Age 90s thing but its creative and it might help (note to self).

Is it def the house? I have had all sorts of anxiety since we moved last year and have gone through every possible worry over the house we chose but ultimately the issue is in my head. I am hyper aware of noises etc that wouldn’t even have registered in our old house. For me it’s a panic over how much we spent and we took a long time to find it so I keep worrying we made a wrong choice, what if there was something better etc. The house itself is actually perfect for us 🙈

I think you need to give yourself at least a year before you will know how you actually feel about the house, maybe even longer.

I think we live on the same development, you have described ours as I would describe it. I’m also on Rightmove daily!

Thanks all good suggestions re: vision board and I definitely do need to step away from rightmove!
*curious’ i think the anxiety is linked to house I just knew it was wrong but by then we’d signed everything -House was brought off plan and I was so naive I really didn’t realise how tightly packed in they’d be, how disruptive the builders would be and it grew from there to me picking faults as time went on and other problems have added to how much I hate living here- I know I sound spoilt and I’m lucky to have a roof over my head. It’s just I blame myself for choosing so badly.

Gin will you make a move do you think?

The builders won't always be there. Could you concentrate your energy on making it a home? You could decorate creatively, plant the garden, really make it your own. You could even learn to love it eventually.

:( that does sound hard. New builds tend not to be great for things like soundproofing too. Can you spend some time decorating and accessorising to make it feel more homey? Don’t feel guilty. Yes you are lucky to have a home but you can’t help how you feel about it!

Very few people can afford to buy an ideal home with money no object. You have made a decision based what you knew about the area and the money you had to spend. For the sake of your emotional well being Its now about being positive making the best of that decision until your income goes up and new doors start to open. My first home cost 25,000 (definitely not a good area but I loved it) and I have moved on to 'better' things. This is normal and being where you are now is not some kind of a grim life sentence unless you choose to see it that way.

Is the new build estate full of rental properties too, as lots are?
You may find that a good number of the annoying neighbours move on before too long, and the cliques break up as people come and go.
My mother had the same thoughts after buying a similar house, but a year later and the dynamic of the street she lives in has changed loads over the last year.

Failing that, try and find a like-minded neighbour or two! If there's some irritating neighbours around, you won't be the only one annoyed, and there'll be a good few people to rant about the disruptive builders with I imagine!
The builders at least are only short term.

Failing that, just muscle your way into the cliques and ignore any flakiness. We moved into a tiny, very close knit village and certainly were the victims of curtain twitching, avoidance and gossip for the first few months. We helped out loads for village events and I joined the WI and horticultural society. Once we had the old people on side (who rule the roost around here!) we were accepted with open arms. Some of the old ladies who'd lived here for decades told me they still feel like outsiders/newcomers - we've all banded together and now we absolutely love it here and never entertain the thought of leaving anymore.
Not the same situation, I know, but I guess I'm just trying to make the point that you won't be the only person feeling this way. Find the others & group together!

Thank you all.
I have lots of friends in the village we are in just not well liked on the estate- I’ve posted before about this but I dared to question the clique when they were being bitchy towards a new neighbour and I wasn’t so welcome at wine night after that!

I loved it when my estate was still being built. There was so much going on and it was different every day. My dc didn’t move a muscle the day the roads were tarmaced (is that a word?) as they were glued to the window. It all felt so dull when they finally went.

That sounds difficult, I've seen how packed in the new builds are so I can understand that you're feeling like a battery hen, but is the cliquish thing really a problem? How often do you see your neighbours for it to be an issue?

Wrt feeling trapped in the house - the weather seems to be turning so could you head out to the park with the kids all day? Just be away from the house physically?

Some great advice on this thread especially about finding other disgruntled outsiders. There's nothing quite like bonding over things that make two people rage.

Def going to move but finding a house to move to is also proofing difficult.

I have been where you are, and it is difficult especially when everyone else in the house likes it and doesn't see the issue. As others have said though the acceptance that I wasn't moving at that point, but would in the future gave me some degree of peace. Thank fully my house did have its redeeming features, mainly a good garden and close to some nice green spaces. I did some things to make it more homely - a rug, new bedding etc.

We are now in the process of moving, probably in less than 3 weeks, and part of me is sad to be leaving this house, we have lived here over 15 years so it does hold memories but it is also the right move. It was difficult to get dh to agree to the move, but in the end he realised how unhappy I was.

We almost bought a new build, but the reasons you are not happy are what put us off. Many people move in and move out of new builds quickly - we bought this house at 18mths old (ours was one of the newest on the road) and at the time we were looking there were another 4 houses on the market (possibly 5) out of 52. It has reasonably settled since - people have moved in and out, but there has been quite a number who have been here all this time.

I was always looking on rightmove, I tried to be critical though and see the faults in those houses, more to appease myself that the current house was right for now.