To be a doer not a planner?

[TokenBritPoshOfCourse]

I’ve had an idea for our garden involving sleepers and gravel which will be fabulous and make the garden much more useable this summer (we currently only have a tiny patio).

It’s about two days work and £300. I’ve read loads of how to articles and know what I’m doing. I’ve measured up and calculated and costed everything and I’m hovering over the order button.

DH is stalling. He wants to talk to his parents for advice, he wants to do one area first to ‘see how it goes’ before doing the rest. He wants to download a planning tool to see how it will look, he wants to go out and measure again, he wants to order samples of gravel, he wants to faff about with plastic hexagon things (that double the price and are unnecessary).

This drives me potty. The last big diy job I did was similar, I swapped two rooms and decorated, and I went with his whole rigmarole of 3D models and paint samples and measuring everything three times before going ahead and doing it exactly as I’d first planned (and it is perfect).

WIBU to just go ahead and do it? I don’t need his help except maybe with moving the sleepers, and it’s my little project. And I just know that he’ll faff and faff and we’ll circle right back round to my original (he thinks impulsive and rash) plan.

I work best when I just get in with it. He says I don’t plan and it stresses him out, but actually it’s never not worked out my way, and I deal with any problems as I go. And his weeks and weeks of prep for the slightest job stresses me out.

Who’s right? (I know it’s me).

Also, his parents are coming over today and I just know they will piss on my chips. They mean well but they are also arch faffers. I don’t want to get expert advice or another opinion or wait three months to see if the wood gets cheaper or any of the other faffs they’ll suggest.

Tell him to give you your project and to trust in you.
He needs to relinquish control on certain matters and this is one of them. It's not a huge amount of money either.

Dw does all our diy and I butt out, tis the only way!

Yep just get on with it.

Oh no he’s from a family of faffers and is showing signs of faffing himself.

It sounds to me like you have planned - you’ve checked measurements, you’ve read online what to do and thought about it, I’m assuming you can afford it.

It’s not as if you’ve woken up one morning, gone past a garden shop and randomly bought sleepers with a vague idea of what to do.

So you have planned, but not faffed about in the way of your DH family.

Ha ha! I could have written this! My oh is exactly the same. Always ‘planning’ aka procrastinating. Drives me bonkers! It’s a garden project not a life altering financial decision. No need to be indecisive. Just get it done!

The worst thing is that when I do eventually get my oh to do something/ agree to it afterwards he says how great it is! Just think why did it take you 9 months to agree to put this fence up or whatever it was? What took you so long!

Just start doing it.

Your title is misleading. It’s AIBU to be a planner AND doer and not a faffer.

Ha,

I have similar issues at work. Why do we need ten meetings? Can't we just get on and do it?

I'd give him a 'special project' and carry on regardless if I were you!

You just described my DP. The faffing! The indecision! The checking! The double-checking! And then eventually after an age of weighing up all the possible options and outcomes he decides that the colour I picked for the kitchen/the new washing machine I choose/the flights I wanted to book were fine all along.

I would definitely just start.

Was going to say the same as TheBlueDot - you sound like you've done some good planning and just want to get on with the job which I'd do if it were me.

I’m very much an “it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission” type person, so I’d just go ahead and do what you’ve planned already. Drives me nuts at work when people spend 6 months discussing doing something when you could just get on with it already, always works in my favour.

Yes, you all get it.

My version of planning isn’t good enough. Because it takes about three hours instead of three months so it can’t possibly be thorough.

I’m just going to get to it. I’ll get it done while he’s at work. There’s every chance it’ll take him three months to notice tbf...

Just do it! I'm going for a weekend away with a group of friends. They're fannying over menu planning and who will order or buy the food shop and where from. I've gone ahead and placed an online delivery order. When they finally stop procrastinating, I'll tweak it a bit. But the dithering is driving me insane! One of them who is coming by train is volunteering to bring everything with her. For 10 people. Madness.

I am a total planner. My job at work involves a lot of planning and project management. I was going to come on here to defend your dh but reading your OP, I cannot see how you could have done any differently.

You have planned. For a 3 day £300 job, that is as much planning as it needs.

What your dh is suggesting is not proportionate to the size of the project. What he proposes is ineffective and will only kick the project into the long grass.

What is he like at work? Does he get things done?

I get the impression they are all faffers at his work. Meetings about meetings, post and pre meeting meetings, that sort of thing.

Anyway, all ordered and arriving mid week. Bish bash bosh.

Well done OP 💪🏼

Well done.