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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I can't cope any more. What's the point?

19 replies

hehitmeanditfeltlikeakiss · 29/04/2018 04:08

Single parent to dd (3). Completely on my own. No support network.

She's been awake since 1.30 and has hit me, scratched me and pulled my hair. Refuses to sleep. I'm sobbing. I can't fucking do this any more. Where has my life gone? Where have I gone?

OP posts:

AhoyDelBoy · 29/04/2018 04:11

Does DD attend nursery?
OP
That sounds really tough

nervousseacreature · 29/04/2018 04:11

Hand holding

Can you leave her in her room/somewhere safe and make yourself a tea? Get 5 mins peace

heyday · 29/04/2018 04:21

The more stressed you are the less you will be able to cope and your little one will pick up on this. Remove yourself from this situation for a few minutes. Go to the kitchen, make yourself a cup of tea, put on some quiet, calm music to help you. Could she lie on the sofa and watch TV whilst you nap beside her. Get through the night somehow and then try to start establishing proper bedtime routine again once this blip is over. Hopefully you have some friends/others mums you can talk to tomorrow. Stay strong, not sleeping is just so very stressful.

3kidsnomore · 29/04/2018 04:26

how are you doing now?

MummyHLondon · 29/04/2018 04:31

As someone else said put the TV on and cuddle her. She feels your stress and it becomes a bad cycle.
She is your baby and she only has you to reassure her.
You can do it and will go through it. I am a single mum to three children, 11/ 13 yo and 15 months old and my ex-partner is waiting trial for harassment after two years of trying to break my spirit and isolating me. So I know the feeling of being alone and sometimes not being able to cope but you've got to pull yourself together.

It seems that not sleeping tonight for you is just one side of the problem. Go through the night, be kind to her and then as soon as you have some time take a hard look at your situation and start changing what you can.
There is help and support out there, just find it and never ever make your little girl feel responsible for your situation.

CaffeineAndCrochet · 29/04/2018 04:37

Is this a regular thing or a one off? If it's a one off she might be feeling poorly so I would just cuddle her and forget about trying to get her back to sleep. If she's calm she might then fall asleep herself.

I'm up myself for the third time tonight. It's tough.

Igmum · 29/04/2018 04:41

💐💐💐 single mum here too and know what it’s like. Be kind to yourself OP, get through the night. Nursery and children’s groups will help you build a network 💐💐💐

AliciaSJ · 29/04/2018 04:46

OP are you ok?
Hope you two are sleeping now. We'll check back tomorrow. I felt like you... a long time ago in a stinky tower block. All alone. No internet then. She's 30 now ... I'm 28 years older too!
I'm here to tell you, you WILL get through this. You will get your life back.I promise you.
Believe
X
Tomorrow (today), tell us where in the country you are too.

LittleMissB83 · 29/04/2018 04:51

Single parent here too, been up for a lot of the night with my DS (9 weeks). He’s been in a feeding frenzy: knackering. Been like this for some days and he keeps kicking me!
Just to say you’re not on your own!

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 29/04/2018 05:05

I don't know if this will be of any use in your situation but lavender essentiap oil has very calming properties to it...when did has her bath could you use a child friend lavender scented one...that will make her feel relaxed and sleepy and calm...and during the day you could use dab on or roll on lavender essential oil on yourself and her (as long as it says it's child friendly) and the scent of it will lower anxiety and make you both feel relaxed and caller..there's also lavender essential oil spray that you can spray in the air and as you breathe in you are taking in the scent that way...make.sure if you get a product its lavender essential oil as it's the essential oil that has the effect...I have used it in the bath and shower before and by the time I get out it really relaxes me to the point I'm sleepy...I also used it for college yeats and yeats ago to calm and relax me because I was getting anxiety to the extent I didnt know how I was going to cope.

Also an extra idea would be if you have got a local library can you get super nannys parenting book (I think she is called Jo frost but there have been similar super nannys in tv since her )...it will be full.of tips and tools for situations like this and will help you feel like you have got control of the situation .

mogloveseggs · 29/04/2018 05:13

can you pop the telly on and doze while she watches? Not a long term solution but it might help you get some sleep tonight.

Rainbowqueeen · 29/04/2018 05:22

. It sounds really tough.

Try the tv idea for tonight. She might be getting sick and that's why she is behaving this way.

The Samaritans are always available if you just need to talk. Other sources of support are home start and your HV. Even your G P if you are feeling you can't cope.

Handhold, I hope tomorrow is a better day

SM2132 · 29/04/2018 06:14

It is really hard. This stage will pass honestly. Things always seem worse in the middle of the night when you are shattered. Hope you have a better day today.

tomhazard · 29/04/2018 06:28

Life feels like the fucking pits when you are up with a non sleeping child in the dead of night and exhausted. Hang on in there op- you can cope because you have for all this time already and you love her. She will not be an unreasonable threenager forever. Hope you two got some sleep in the end

AndMiffyWentToSleep · 29/04/2018 06:30

Ooh it is so hard! SM2132 is spot on.

Can you contact Homestart? They offer volunteers to come and help with practical stuff -whatever you need- for 2 hours a week.

Also nothing wrong with using free creches - ikea if there is one nearby, or your local gym may have one (and a cafe!). You need some time off.

Original poster

hehitmeanditfeltlikeakiss · 29/04/2018 11:32

Sorry it's taken until now to come back. I really appreciate all of your replies.

We've just woken up and already she's back into the tantrums and is talking to me like I'm her slave. Have I let this happen? Have I been too soft with her all along? Lately I've been letting her watch YouTube so I can get some time to myself but I think that's having a negative effect on her behaviour.. some American girls playing with dolls and being very diva-like. From today she's also on a sugar ban. I've been a bit slack this weekend as we had a wedding to go to and it seems to have transformed her personality.

She kicks up a fuss before she goes to nursery but although it's reading week this week, I'm going to send her and go to the gym or go swimming or something. I can't carry on like this. I'm comfort eating and have gone from a size 12 to a 16 in a year. I'm covered in spots and have no energy. Zero family who give a shit.

Luckily I have a couple of really good friends so I'm going to stop being reluctant to ask for help. This can't continue.

OP posts:

tomhazard · 29/04/2018 13:16

Op you should drop the YouTube that's not good for her. Download some pre-schooler apps so she can still use it but not for mindless videos.

I mean this super kindly but have you just got up with her at 11.30? If so this won't be helping your night time waking issues. You should aim to be up by 7.30 latest and in bed around the same time in the evening to allow her plenty of sleep (these might counteract some of the tantrums and make it easier on you)

Keep up nursery and maybe sign her up to some exercise type classes- ballet? Gymnastics? Bounce and roll ?

MummyHLondon · 29/04/2018 13:43

I mean this kindly too but sort it out ASAP. Drop YouTube too. Unless I read it wrong, she is only three. If you feel you can't cope now what will you do when she'll reach the teenage years and even pre-teenage. What's worrying is that reading your two posts you seem to be putting a lot of blame on her.

AliciaSJ · 30/04/2018 01:04

OP
Just dropping in to say hi. Really hope you're sleeping but if not, I'm here if you need a chat. Hope you're feeling much better!
Alicia

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