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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To no the get rid of my dog?

65 replies

BossyPaws · 28/04/2018 23:19

A year ago around this time of year i bought a Doberman puppy. The puppy proved to be super intelligent and I was able to train him in all basic commands (sit, down, paw, heel, fetch, stay etc) within months. By the time he was 6 months old he was utterly bombproof.

Unfortunately he's not great with other dogs or people he doesn't know. A stupid local woman kept walking her Frenchie around the same time as I waked my dog and she always lets him off the lead to "socialise". I have tried explaining to her that as her dog has NO recall whatsoever he should probably be kept on lead. She ignored me and insisted he needed socialising. This dogs idea of socialising is to clamber and jump at my dog. He gets pissed. Eventually he snaps and pins her dog to the ground by his throat. She reports me. Police come around and DH answers saying he has no idea as to what had gone on and the dog won't walk with him, therefore he never takes it out.

This us true. The dog is 100% devoted to me only. Follows me everywhere. Cries when I go to work and won't leave his vigil at the front door until I return. He won't "walk" with anyone but me.

Anyway with the police coming around and DHs failing relationship with me-obsessed dog he wants to rehome him.

AIBU to tell him to fuck off?

OP posts:

Oldsu · 29/04/2018 08:51

sorry yours not ours

IAmMotherOfDragons · 29/04/2018 08:56

Was your dog on its lead? If so then it's all frenchies fault for not listening and letting her dog jump up at yours.

Though I suppose it's OK because its a small breed

GinGeum · 29/04/2018 08:58

You really need to help your dog and DH bond. One of our dogs was like this when we first rescued her, the minute I drove her home she had ‘claimed’ me and would growl if DP or our other dog came near me. For the first week or so we had her, I had to basically completely ignore her. DP fed her for every meal, he had treats in his pocket whenever he came home from work (so she associated him coming home with something good) and I left the room silently if she tried to come on the sofa and sit near me. She soon realised she loved DP as well, and now she doesn’t try to guard me from anybody, and loves pretty much everyone she meets.

If I leave the house she does try to either sneak out the door with me, or run to the window to watch me leave, but she’s fine as soon as I’m out of sight. A bit like a toddler!

Lizzie48 · 29/04/2018 09:00

You need to muzzle the dog until it's trained not to lash out like that. Next time it could be a child, as a PP said. Not only could the child potentially be seriously hurt, but your dog could have to be PTS.

FrazzledAndFeelingIt · 29/04/2018 09:04

I don’t think you should get rid of the dog but I think seeing a behaviourist would help so you can make sure dog is happy, know what to do when other dogs approach & might appease your DH a bit?

muttmad · 29/04/2018 09:17

The first thing you need to do is invest in a muzzle, its your responsibility to ensure he doesn't harm another dog, child or adult no matter how annoying they may be to your dog.
Ifs not something he will necessarily grow out of some dogs just simply don't like other dogs and you need to protect him from situations where he may react.
Your husband is being unreasonable wanting to rehome but you do need to be proactive in making sure he's not a dangerous to others and you should really see a behaviourist or join a good dog club to see if his behaviour could be improved.
Meanwhile to improve your dogs bond with your husband maybe he should be the one to feed him every day and spend a bit of time everyday with a packet of treats asking for simple behaviours (sit, down etc) just so the dog starts to see him as an important part of his family.

LexieLulu · 29/04/2018 09:26

Muzzle your dog!!! This would never have happened if you had

JaneyEJones · 29/04/2018 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

He11y · 29/04/2018 09:32

You have a ticking time bomb and the most dangerous aspect Is your ignorance. I wish there was some way of ensuring idiots can’t keep a dog until they can prove they know what they are doing.

Kicking your partner out because you’ve created an insecure and defensive dog is ridiculous.

Kicking your dog out because you’ve failed him is also ridiculous.

Get him trained before he seriously hurts someone.

As an aside, I have a dog who doesn’t attack, but he does warn other dogs if he feels his space is being invaded and I have to take responsibility for heeding his warnings when other dog owners won’t, so I do understand the frustration when others allow their dog to run up and bother a dog on a lead, but you cannot allow your dog to pin another down by the throat. What would you do if a child approached and he reacted - would you be able to stop him?

Please open your eyes to the potential for serious harm!

ShinyShooney · 29/04/2018 09:44

Your dog is not "bombproof"!

Why didn'tt you socialise it as a puppy, if you've had it since a pup then its behaviour is clearly your own fault.

You sound pleased that your dog only walks with you. Why? It sounds neurotic and stressed with attachment issues.

At only a year old this problem may still be fixed, please see a behaviourist and put the work in or I think you should rehome with someone who will.

jamoncrumpets · 29/04/2018 09:54

Your dog is bad with strangers and attacks other dogs? Not very well trained at all then, in fact it sounds downright dangerous. What if that 'stupid pug' had been a toddler?

Muzzle your dog, before it kills another dog and ends up destroyed.

jamoncrumpets · 29/04/2018 09:55

Sorry, I meant Frenchie.

jamoncrumpets · 29/04/2018 09:56

P.S. that is not a happy and content dog you have there, OP. It sounds utterly miserable, and confused.

BarbaraOcumbungles · 29/04/2018 10:03

Sound like you’ve done a shit job of socialising your do. Didn’t you consider that a dog that will only respond to one member of the household is a big problem? I hope you don’t have kids!

tabulahrasa · 29/04/2018 10:04

Your DH, Dobermans are pretty well known for being one person dogs, so knowing that and as you’ve had him from a puppy your DH has surely had plenty of time to bond with him... what’s he done about it?

Pinning an annoying dog down without biting them isn’t a huge behavioural issue in itself, it’s a last resort ticking off... but if you add in your he’s not great with other dogs or people.... again, what have you done about it?

Realistically this dog is not being trained or managed by you currently, which suggests you don’t know how to and should be considering getting professional help to do that.

Possumfish · 29/04/2018 10:13

Sounds like your dog needs help and fast! It doesn't sound like you've socialised/trained your dog well and he certainly isn't bombproof!!! Doing paw and sit isn't enough....

You need to sort this before something really goes wrong!!!

Muzzle your dog and get a behaviourist to come in asap.

Woshambo · 29/04/2018 10:16

My large dog did the same when he was attacked by a border terrier. Pinned it and stopped when I said. He was also on the lead but the dog had came up behind us and ran underneath him. I hate that ppl assume their dog is friendly. My dog is fine if introduced properly but I think he got a fright that day. I'd inform the police that the woman had her dog off the lead.

Our youngest is at the teenager stage. She's been in 2 car crashes with us and witnessed my OH be attacked by 2 men so she's very wary of ppl. She barks at anyone covering their faces then pees herself and runs away, we are trying to get through the training with her now and she's come leaps and bounds.

I would tell my OH if he's not willing to put the effort in with the dog it's his problem. Too many ppl get rid of dogs as soon as they come up against an issue so I think it's great you want to keep him.

NutElla5x · 29/04/2018 10:26

I definitely would not get rid of the dog but I would be making efforts to sort out it's issues,not least because it must be awful for it to be so dependant on you.Did you not socialise it when it was younger?It's a shame because there is nothing nicer than seeing dogs playing together.Sort out the poor things anxieties and muzzle him in the meantime for it's own sake.

sunshinesupermum · 29/04/2018 10:31

While the other dog shouldn't have been off the lead your dog needs some behavioural lessons. If you get these done then your husband might become more friendly towards the dog and vice versa! Meanwhile muzzle your dog when you take him walking.

Maelstrop · 29/04/2018 10:45

You need to consult a behaviourist and have a vet check your dog.
You have a dog that has pinned another dog to the floor and also doesn't like strange people.

As do I. He is no trouble as long as other owners don’t allow their untrained ill-behaved mutts to jump at him. Dogs have personalities too (mine has it in spades!) and some aren’t social. Mine has his own pack and doesn’t need to socialise with others, nor do I want him to, given the aggressive dogs I’ve encountered over the years round here and the dumb owners who’ve never given the time to train the animal for which they’re responsible.

The separation anxiety is very sad, mine doesn’t care if it’s me, my dh or my parents/mates in the house. That needs addressing, especially if you’re separating, OP. I think find a dog walker who can create a bond so he’s not left anxious and upset when you’re at work.

elessar · 29/04/2018 10:46

OP you sound weirdly proud of the fact that your dog is only devoted to you and will not behave for anyone else. This is not something to be proud of - your job as the owner is to ensure that your dog is well trained and well socialised and a balanced individual who can function in society. What if you were taken ill and your husband had to look after the dog if you were incapable?

You have failed in your job as an owner if your dog is aggressive and fearful and will view you and only you as a comfort and authority. Nevermind how well your dog is trained to sit and stay, this is far more important - and you need to address this with proper training now before it becomes too deeply ingrained.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 29/04/2018 10:49

Your dog sounds dangerous and needs retraining. Muzzle it before it pins a toddler to the ground.

RandomAccess · 29/04/2018 10:50

If I was your DH I'd be telling you to fuck off, not the other way round.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 29/04/2018 10:50

Also do you work full time? I don't think a Doberman is a suitable breed for someone who works full time

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/04/2018 10:52

Dear god! Your dog is quite seriously unhappy!

Being pissed off at other dogs is one thing. But that level of separation anxiety and one-person obsession is not good for the poor thing.

Sod being pissed off at your DH, you need to find a good dog behaviourist who can undo the anxiety inducing behaviour you have trained into your 'bombproof' dog and only then you and your DH can revisit the re-home or keep the poor thing.

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