To think lying is lying?

[IncidentalAnarchist]

To be clear: I am NOT one of these people nor do I have a vested interest! It just made me think.
I know one person in a couple. They’ve been together a long time.
Person A cheated on person B. Person B can’t move on from this.
Person B is keeping a secret from person A in that they are not yet divorced from their first spouse who they split up with a LONGGG time ago.
AIBU to think that keeping being married from a long term partner is as bad as cheating on them?!

Genuine situation. But I don’t want to add any identifying info as it’s not MY story if you see what I mean. Sorry if it comes across as vaguebooking.
I know B. When they mentioned about still being married I said that’s as bad a deception as A’s infidelity. But is it? I can’t decide.

Fair enough.

So you told B their deception was equally bad but actually you're not sure? That's a bit cruel isn't it?

I don't believe that 'lying is lying' - that's a Sunday School version of morality. There can be a world of difference in the intention and/or impact of one lie and another. In this case, unless B's deception has had a significant impact on their relationship, I really don't see a comparison.

My instant reaction was it’s just as bad. I’m now reflecting I didn’t have a go at B about it, it was a bizarrely lighthearted conversation (guess I’ll get flamed for that too!)

You're going to get different answers, as people will view B's behaviour differently.

I feel it's just as bad, if not worse. To me, B has committed adultery. There isn't some mitigating reason for it from what you said earlier - B simply keeps 'forgetting'.

Fair enough if others don't agree. But no-one knows how A would feel about it because B hasn't told them.

Does A think B is divorced?

Flamed?

Yes, Marco
are you quite alright, Ruffian?

Err yes, i'm fine just didn't understand why my post warranted a and your comment suggesting you'd been flamed in some way.

Perhaps it wasn't directed at me. Whatever.

Wait, so A thinks B is divorced?

I'm sorry but B is a lying piece of shit who had no business getting involved with A and lying to her.

If B gets hit by a bus tomorrow, A will not even have the right to arrange his funeral.

A thinks B is divorced?

Zero sympathy for B. A should fill their boots.

Not getting divorced isnt as bad as cheating, theres lots of reasons for that maybe they couldnt afford to, maybe she wouldnt sign the papers or maybe they had lost contact and genuinely forgot about it.

I can't decide which is worse. But in terms of B, it's not just that they are not divorced, it's that they have lied about it.

B has been deceiving A throughout their relationship. S/he (not sure if sexes have been specified) has very little right to take the moral high ground re A's cheating.

B knows about A's cheating and can make an informed decision about whether to stay in the relationship. A doesn't know the truth about B and therefore can't make a decision based on the facts.

Has B made a will? If not, and s/he gets knocked down by the proverbial bus tomorrow, A isn't entitled to anything from B's estate; it goes to B's spouse.

I agree with every one saying B is in the wrong. At one point did B tell A he/she was divorced?

Hands down cheating is worse. The lie is bad but could be put down to burying head in sand.

I’ve deliberately not specified what sex anyone is.
It’s not my story and I’m not invested in it in any way but every time I think I know my views are solid, they change again. It’s an odd one!