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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want a long commute

23 replies

Zeezee7 · 28/04/2018 16:07

I have been working in an industry where you have to get a job in London to make it to the top. Family encourage me to do this, but I don’t want to because of the conjuring - does that mean I have no ambition?

I used to travel 90 minutes to work each way, which consisted of a train journey and walking. It was knackering and I was out of the house for nearly 12 hours every day.

If I got a job in London I would have to do this journey again, and that’s what’s put me off. So much so I turned down a very good opportunity, because of the time and the annual train ticket cost (£4,500).

Instead I’ve been working in driveable locations for small companies. Family say I have to get to London or I’ll be in a dead end job forever). Am I throwing my life away? Am I lazy to not want a long commute? What’s your limit in terms of commuting?

OP posts:

Original poster

Zeezee7 · 28/04/2018 16:07

Commuting not conjuring!

OP posts:

Lethaldrizzle · 28/04/2018 16:11

And is a move to London out of the question?

Barbaro · 28/04/2018 16:11

No it's not for everyone. Long commutes suck and you can only put up with it for so long til you crack.

MojoMoon · 28/04/2018 16:15

Can you not move to London?

It's your life and there are pros and cons to all choices we make.
Start listing them
Pro: manh more career opportunities
con: more expensive to rent.

Etc

Then work out what your prefer. If you are happy in dead end jobs, it's fine. Just don't be surprised that you don't get to climb the career ladder

snowpo · 28/04/2018 16:17

I do the London commute bit over 90mins each way, but I only work 3 days a week. I couldn't get a part time job where I live for the money I earn and I can't do full time due to husband doing shifts.
There was a thread recently and hardly anyone was doing a commute that long.
A friend of mine gave up the London commute for a local job, less money, job less than her ability. She just couldn't go on juggling childcare and the stress was making her life miserable.

Original poster

Zeezee7 · 28/04/2018 16:24

No I can’t move tonight London, DP can’t do it and it would be so expensive it’s not worth it.

OP posts:

barleyfive · 28/04/2018 16:29

I think it depends, a lot of London based jobs now comprise of both flexible working (so you can travel at less busy times) and an element of working from home; so you may only have to do the commute for a few days a week which would probably be managable. It depends on the journey itself as well as the time it takes, eg. is it a direct train? would you need to get the underground as well? are you likely to get a seat? Plenty of people do it, so it might be worth looking into more and seeing what options are out there.

Lethaldrizzle · 28/04/2018 16:33

Well then you've answered your own question.

frostymorning1 · 28/04/2018 16:34

Would doing London for a couple of years help and then go back to doing what you do now, or wouldn't it help at all?

I chose not to do London. It doesn't really impact salary to be honest because the extra would be wiped out by travel. I was doing a door to door commute of 90 mins recently and now it's 30 mins. I've been doing it six weeks and I don't feel any benefit to the shorter commute yet

notWithoutFault · 28/04/2018 16:37

It's all about balance.

Both DH and I could earn more money but have balanced it with a lifestyle we want.

There's a big space between dead end and top of field.

We lived in London when young and childless and loved it. Now we have a family the move to the SW was the best thing we've done.

MyNameIsTotoro · 28/04/2018 16:42

YANBU. I do a 2.5 hr round commute each day and I'm absolutely certain I won't be doing it for the rest of my career.

I currently do it because it pays 20% more than similar roles closer to home. I see it as an excellent pension/income boost for a few years. I can only do it because kids are very young and in nursery, and DH works more flexibly closer to home. Means to an end.

It would be soul destroying to do it for the rest of my career. Moving also not an option - we could, we just don't want to.

Poptart4 · 28/04/2018 16:52

There's no point making loads of money if your miserable. I wouldn't want to spend 3hrs a day commuting. Doubt many people would.

Your family probably mean well but tell them straight your happy as you are and you don't need them telling you how to live your life.

FeckinCrunchiesInTheCar · 28/04/2018 17:14

No, YANBU.
I wouldn't do it either.
Its not just about money, its about your time.
You only get about 80 spins around the sun, if you're lucky. Don't flitter your time away on shit you know you don't ever want to do.

swingofthings · 28/04/2018 17:17

Do these family members ever commute such distances too? I think you have to do it for some time to understand how it becomes no life.

VioletCharlotte · 28/04/2018 17:21

I don't think you're lazy at all. I've been looking at London jobs, which would mean a 90 minute commute. It's tempting, as there's some fantastic jobs that pay really well. But I just don't think I'd cope. Maybe 3 days a week and 2 from home, but there's now way I could do it every day.

Idontdowindows · 28/04/2018 17:23

You're not lazy. We work to live, not live to work. Time with loved ones is more valuable than time at work.

BarbaraofSevillle · 28/04/2018 18:51

Spending 3 hours a day commuting is throwing your life away.

Spending £4500 a year on travel or struggling due to high housing costs closer in is throwing money away.

As a PP says, there's a huge gap between dead end and the top and many of us have a very fulfilling time in this gap.

Live to work, don't work to live.

MereDintofPandiculation · 28/04/2018 18:57

I moved out of London and cut commuting by 2hrs daily. It didn't have a good effect on my career, I basically came to a standstill. But quality of life and that extra 10 hours free time a week outweighed many times the career stagnation. Not everyone would feel the same.

Kingsclerelass · 28/04/2018 19:04

I did London for 10 years for the same reason and hated it. Then I took a 10k pay cut and took a similar job with a small company in a small town.

I cut my travel cost by £7k and regained two and a half hours a day. There's less stress, the air is cleaner, I have time to help ds with homework and take him for bike rides. I wouldn't go back.

Zintox · 28/04/2018 19:10

I did a 2-hour commute each way to London for quite a few years. I don't miss it. I was miserable and spent all my week working as I'd leave home at 7 and get home at 9 most days. It was rubbish and I only coped because I was single and lived alone.
As soon as I met DH and we got engaged i found a local job in a different field and I don't regret it.

jay55 · 28/04/2018 19:51

Do your family actually have a point or do they just want to brag about you?

CuntinuousMingeprovement · 28/04/2018 20:06

Not at all.

SlackerMum1 · 28/04/2018 20:20

I’m with you OP. I would hate a long commute. I live pretty centrally in London so I can cycle to work and DH has 5 stops on the tube because he’s too lazy to cycle. But there is a trade off. We don’t have a massive place but we have great jobs and plenty of free time with DD. That’s the trade. Also depends on your DP and if you have/ want kids. I don’t know anyone who manages to have both parents working jobs with long commutes into London unless they have GPs right next door.

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