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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

reclaiming myself

3 replies

blackbirdsbeak · 28/04/2018 13:12

I know that I will get flamed but please hear me out. I have changed the name in case anyone recognises me. In recent times I have nursed my husband through a life-threatening illness. He is better now. I did not expect thanks or gratitude but what I did expect was a little bit of respect. Instead, my husband constantly puts me down, does sneaky things (but he says its ok because he tells me after ) I wore myself out caring for him and have let myself go a bit. I have put two stone on, roots need doing and my nails are a mess. I feel like I
have no fight left in me.
I cannot leave because of several things but I do need to get my self-confidence back somehow. I hate looking at myself in the mirror.
Has anyone else been in this situation? I have started healthy eating today and will have my roots done next week. Its probably a silly post but I feel like I am drowning. I have good friends so I am lucky. I think I have lost my identity, I used to be so confident. Deep down I know that I love my husband I just don't like him very much. I feel resentful but maybe its because I have let myself drift into this unhappy position Maybe if I can get myself back to being healthy I will feel stronger. Does anyone out there feel like a stealth mission to improve
themselves. The worse thing is that I know that if I tell my husband he will just say that he has heard it all before, and to be fair he has.

OP posts:
Itsnotmesothere · 28/04/2018 14:53

Your husband sounds horrible. Would he nurse you through a life threatening illness. By all means, eat good food and look after your appearance but you will feel a lot better ditching the person who has ground you down.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, could he still be traumatised by the illness and would counselling for him help?

blackbirdsbeak · 28/04/2018 17:53

Husband will not hear of counselling. I have started to take care of myself more. I am going to put my needs first in future and I think this will help me mentally too. I just wondered if anyone else felt a bit lost,

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 28/04/2018 17:59

My life fell to pieces a few years ago after a serious assault, and I've had to completely rebuild from scratch. My advice is to focus on yourself. You are still in there, you just have to find yourself again.
Start with a list of things you enjoy or like doing. They don't have to be at all important. Just things like food, colours, music tracks, clothes, books, food.
Give yourself an interim makeover while you sort out your health and fitness. Set yourself some goals to acheive over 3 months.
Find one activity or group that interests you.

Then in 3 months time, reassess. What works, what doesn't. You'll find your confidence comes back slowly and you can start to look to the future again. Flowers

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