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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell our manager?

16 replies

DoublyTroubly · 27/04/2018 20:38

So, when I was last in the office (Tuesday just gone) I had a strange experience with a colleague and I’m not sure whether to tell our manager

So as not to drip feed, I am more senior than this colleague but we both report in to the same manager. On Tuesday, my colleague was working from home. He was acting very strangely (meant to be chairing a couple of conference calls but dialled in very late to the first and didn’t say a word in the second - I ended up chairing both). This is very unlike him so I sent him a message over the office messenger system asking if everything was ok as he seemed quieter than normal. He responded very strangely, repeatedly asking exactly what was different and re-establishing the conversation after I politely left a couple of times. At one point he said that there was something wrong, so I said just let me know if I can do anything to help and left it there. He made another couple of strange comments at which point I warned him that I had a meeting and then would be going home so had to dial off.

He re-established the conversation again saying something like ‘it’s a mystery’ which I saw after I got back from the meeting, just as I was logging off. I replied something like ‘I’m heading off now, I’ll see you next week” and shut down my computer. Also. I should add that his grammar and spelling b was bad throughout the messages, which also is not like him

So I got home and he sent the following WhatsApp message to my personal phone (we have literally never whatsapped before) - “Created mystery toda”. I didn’t respond and he sent the following message 50min later “????”, at which point I blocked him

So, should I raise this with my manager. I don’t want to tell tales but:

  1. I am concerned that there is something wrong and he’s having a breakdown or something
  2. It actually felt very intrusive receiving the messages on my personal phone

Sorry it’s so long

OP posts:
northbynorthwesty · 27/04/2018 20:42

I would. Wait til Monday but yes, I would. Like you said it sounds like he may be having some breakdown.

If he is ok on Monday I would leave it

SenoritaViva · 27/04/2018 20:42

I think in reporting you are simply doing so as a concerned person. Be factual. He is acting out of character and this is your cause for concern.

northbynorthwesty · 27/04/2018 20:42

Could he have a crush on you ?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 27/04/2018 20:43

Have you heard from him since? It's a long time since Tuesday.

Whereismumhiding2 · 27/04/2018 20:44

Was he drunk? Colleague doesn't sound like he was ok & shouldn't have been working that day.
Very reasonable to have a word with manager and let them look into it. I wouldn't guess at the reason, just relay the facts.

Original poster
DoublyTroubly · 27/04/2018 20:44

Prettt certain he doesn’t have a crush

I haven’t heard from him since and actually unblocked him again on WhatsApp yesterday in case he wanted to apologise

OP posts:
Happygummibear · 27/04/2018 20:45

Did he talk during the first call so you can be sure it was him and not someone he has asked to pretend to be him for the day...

Could be have taken drugs?

Have you had to converse with him before when he has worked from home?

Original poster
DoublyTroubly · 27/04/2018 20:46

One other thing I should have mentioned- he’s recently been out on painkillers (a couple of weeks ago). I guess he could have taken too many of those?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 27/04/2018 20:46

Why does he have your personal number?

Original poster
DoublyTroubly · 27/04/2018 20:48

I did wander if it was actually him as it all seems so out of character but there’s no way it was anyone else (he was logged on at home. He is probably late 40’s with grown up children who have moved out so only his wife at home who I’ve never met). The strange messages also came through the work network and our personal mobiles so completely different systems

OP posts:
Original poster
DoublyTroubly · 27/04/2018 20:49

He has my personal number as I use it when I work from home (I don’t get reception on work blackberry)

OP posts:
dudsville · 27/04/2018 20:53

It reminds me of a time years ago when I had to cancel work because I'd taken a prescribed sleeping tablet in the proper way but it left me seriously drunk-like and then hungover. It was embarrassing to admit but nothing else would have accounted for my odd behaviour and mysterious one day sick leave so I was honest. Hope it's something equally straight forward for him.

category12 · 27/04/2018 21:08

Drunk or stoned.

Baubles22 · 27/04/2018 21:20

I wouldn’t report to management and also unsure why you are expecting an apology. I would just ask next time if he was ok

Ginkypig · 27/04/2018 21:21

I was going to say it sounds like drugs (prescription or not) or alcohol.

I would mention it to manager or hr on Monday not to complain but just to make them aware especially as he contacted you on your personal number.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 27/04/2018 21:24

I'd say possibly a side affect from the painkillers. Yes mention it to your manager.

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