How much did you consider your guests when planning your wedding?

[BigPinkBall]

As there’s always a thread on here about brides and grooms unreasonable expectations it got me thinking about how much people actually think about their guests, or has the wedding industry promoted the idea of it being “your special day” so much that couples think everyone has to go along with whatever they want?

For my wedding we invited all the children of family and friends, because we wanted the adults to come and didn’t want anyone to have to pay for childcare if they didn’t want to.

We cut back on the bridal party to 1 best man and 1 bridesmaid so we could pay for their outfits, because we wanted them to wear something specific, we also paid for their accommodation.

We picked a venue near where most guests lived and a travel lodge so there was affordable accommodation available for those coming further.

Hen night and stag night were local and probably cost £50 for guest to attend.

Location chosen to allow the maximum of guests an easy journey home with no need to stay over.
Minimal room in the schedule for standing around aimlessly during endless photos.
Good food and wine and plenty of it #1 priority.
Paid for all outfits for wedding party, plus bridesmaids' hair.
As few demands as possible on wedding party- they're the favourite guests, not skivvies.
Wedding party all sitting with partners and friends rather than stuck with our parents or "hosting" tables.
So we've tried pretty hard. Not hard enough to please our families, who have varied from whiny and needy to demanding and bossy to just not bothering to rsvp. Some of them, anyway.

100%.

Didn't invite any .

Getting married in July.

We've tried our best. My Dad is in a wheelchair so obviously ensured disabled friendly. Kids welcome or not. Old school marquee set up and close (30 min train) from most friends.

It's pretty rural, purely on account of being near my childhood church, but we're bussing people between church and venue. Offered camping for those who don't want to pay for hotel rooms. Haven't demanded any gifts. Wedding party paying for nothing except accommodation on the night and outfit accessories. Cash bar after dinner but drinks and loads of food covered until 7pm.

We've done our best so I'd be a bit sad if people thought they could complain.

Not many responses - perhaps it is unusual to think of your guests?

Not many responses - perhaps it is unusual to think of your guests?

Haha that’s certainly the impression I’ve got from weddings I’ve been to!

A huge amount. We had a big traditional wedding but were very conscious of time taken for photos, enough seats for everyone, drinks etc for while photos were being taken. Half the family is Irish and so good, drink and seats are key items!

*food

I wonder whether it's because the focus has become all about the B&G having everything they want for their one special day. This then leads to lots of guests wanting them to have a lovely day but very conscious of ever increasing costs to attend with no recognition from the b&g of the impact it can have on their guests - needing extra time off work for midweek weddings, childcare, having to stay at specific expensive hotels etc.

Yes it's an invitation not a summons but you can see from the threads on MN that increasingly turning down invitations causes more grief and long term issues. Can't help but think if more thought was given to guests (while keeping some personal touches) people would be looking forward to attending and weddings would become special for everyone.

I considered guests quite a lot. We got married in my hometown, which isn't where DH and I live. So many of our guests had a long journey (3.5/4 hours)

I looked for reasonably priced hotels, I arranged a creche for the kids. It's unrealistic to expect some people to find childcare when it's so far away and you've invited them and their siblings...so nobody close to leave the kids with overnight.

We had an evening reception...But all guests who travelled the distance were invited for the whole day.

I see on here people inviting guests to the evening only when it's hours away.

I had precision planning for my wedding and one thing that annoys me at weddings is the time taken for photographs by the bride and groom ...leaving guests standing around for ages.

So I had a list of what photos I wanted to avoid this. The photographer had the list and it worked really well.
Example
B & G with:
• siblings
• Bride's parents
• Groom's parents
• siblings etc..

People travel miles for weddings quite often ...they're hungry/thirsty and don't want to be hanging around while the bridal party take endless pictures.

As a student I worked at wedding receptions... so I knew what had worked well and what didn't.

I considered guests....but also had it the way I wanted... DH was happy for me to take control of the all the planning. Nothing I wanted was compromised in considering the guests.

I tried to balance it as you've said. In some ways it was OUR wedding so we wanted it OUR way but at the same time we wanted our guests to enjoy it. The main things for us was that everyone was comfortable, fed, watered and having fun.
So we chose a late slot for the service so people could travel and have lunch beforehand, then had canapés during photos.
The photographer was under strict instructions to keep formal photos to under an hour so guests weren't waiting around. We cut corners by DIY-ing invitations and hair/make up etc so that we could spend more on alcohol and food.
I'm VERY particular about music so I asked everyone for a song suggestion that was guaranteed to be played because I'm very aware that not everyone shared my musical tastes
I'm pretty sure everyone had a good time and it was certainly the best day of my life.

We paid for 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen...outfits, hair, makeup, accommodation for them and their partners. We paid for elderly relations' accommodation, also elderly neighbours' accommodation and transport. We had free wine and drinks for the wedding, and subsidised the bar for the weekend. Plenty of food etc. Even now ten years later, people tell others it was the best wedding they were ever at.
The only person to say a bad word was MIL who cornered me one night two years later to tell me what she didn't like . I just replied that it was a shame she felt that way.

We did in that we planned it so that people could be relaxed and have fun as we figured that would make it a great night. We just tried not to do what we found boring at other weddings. We picked a venue with a nice atmosphere rather than the most grand, we had it all in one place (been to too many long journeys between churches and venues), put on entertainment and nibbles during the photo bit, seated people with people they'd get on with. We invited and couple of guest that we wouldn't normally have but felt it would make it better i.e. There was one couple of school friends we were set on inviting but felt they wouldn't really have such a good time as they didn't know many people so we invited a few more from the old "gang" and they all had a ball. Was like a reunion. We put on a bus going back to a central point so people didn't have to bring cars, picked a menu with a choice and didn't focus on all the wee detail bits that really no one notices.

So it was kinda for our guests but so we would have a good time. Our wedding wasn't the grandest, didn't have the fanciest flowers or most spectacular venue but it was a brilliant party and friends still talk about how much fun it was.

Magicstar my MIL hated ours to, but she didn't wait two years, she made it clear on the day. But I couldn't have cared less. Unless we had organised the day to revolve around telling her how wonderful she was she wouldn't have been happy.

We tried to be as accommodating as possible in terms of arranging transport and hotel rooms for out of town guests (they still paid for them, we just booked a batch for anyone who wanted them). We also kept food and drink flowing and speeches short! And we provided toiletries in the bathroom. And invited kids.

That said - we were lucky because we could afford to make these accommodations. I don't think there's anything wrong with a couple prioritising their own wants for their own wedding. Nobody has to come to a wedding after all, and you simply can't please everyone. You have to think about what matters most to you.

As PPs, thought about all the things we had hated about weddings. Kept it simple. Just register office ceremony followed by lunch in a local restaurant. Very few photos minimal hanging around. Did the speeches and toasts before the meal. Then everyone was free to get on with their day.

We did what we could. Family are scattered around quite a bit so we just held it in our own hometown.

We invited people to come and park at the reception venue then put on buses to and from the ceremony venue, as it was a distance away. I think people liked it, there are some lovely photos of people chatting on the buses and they got to see a bit of London.

There was plenty of food and drink - sandwiches and cake served at 1pm and a full sit-down dinner at 7pm plus drinks. We had a "free bar" so no-one had to pay for any drinks and there was champagne, beer, wine (red & white), whiskey, gin, vodka and mixers. We really wanted everyone to be well fed and 'watered' and to have a good time.

Local register office, then back to PILs house for a garden party and a barbecue. Had a few little bridesmaids in summer dresses, that was it.
Whole thing totally casual and relaxed (and the weather was nice too, thank God!).

If guests could come, fine. And I think almost everybody did. If they needed somewhere to stay, they pretty much arranged it among themselves.

Whilst it's obviously the bride and groom's day... you really don't want guests who are pissed off with your lack of consideration.

You can never please everyone. We laid on a coach from London to my hometown and even then some people were just moaning and asking why we didn't just get married in London.... because it was easier for them.

A friend decided to take photographs in this (very awkward) location because of the view ...which involved climbing up narrow spiral stairs.

I knew her wedding would involve enough nonsense...so I told her I could only make the reception.

I was told she was 2 hours later than stated time on the invite to the church. Kids were getting restless and it was a very hot day.

There was so much more inconsiderate nonsense..but it's so unique I don't want her to identify herself if she reads it.

As much as possible without compromising on the things that mattered to us.

We didn't want children there, so we didn't invite them. No bullshit about how parents want a day off, we just didn't invite anyone we didn't want there.

We provided a lot of food and drink, low key entertainment during the day, football was on (during the world cup), gave a choice for the menu, catered for people's individual quirks as much as possible, considered where people might like to sit when doing the seating plan, considered disabilities etc.

We paid for everything for everyone. We organised a coach to transport people from my home town too. My hen do was local, I've no idea about his stag.

Oh I tell a lie, we allowed any kids to come to the evening do and there were loads there too.

We were married in central London where we live and relatively easy for everyone to get to although neither of us are from the UK so our families all had to travel. It was a small child free wedding and all the decisions we made were special to us. My parents and in laws all kept repeating that we should have the wedding we wanted and that should be our main concern. Luckily everyone seemed to have had a good time - relaxed, casual with no crisis along the way. (We didn’t pay for anyone’s accommodation or outfits.)

We didn't consider our guests massively but didn't have a particularly complicated or fancy wedding (we were mid-twenties and working to a small budget). There were two things we wanted to avoid. The first was a wedding service that any parents felt they needed to remove their children from, and the second was that anyone we invited was welcome to the whole thing.

Because we were marrying at a church near a football stadium and the team were playing at home on our wedding day, we had our service in the morning. It was followed by drinks and cake at the church for everyone. A few photos were taken outside whilst this happened and that was it until the evening when we had a party (with speeches). It was in London so most people used it as an opportunity to do some sight-seeing.

We did send out a map with the invitation as well as a list of local, affordable accommodation and public transport options. Large print service booklets were produced for elderly relatives and I put together a different service booklet for the children so they could colour bits in, draw etc (I included pencils) - the priest speaking at our wedding said he didn't mind at all if children (or adults!) wanted to lie on the floor and do colouring during his talk.

It was nearly 20 years ago and is still talked about by friends and family as being a really chilled wedding.