to be slightly miffed that DP is working nights for the next 3 months?

[LuckyLou59]

Long story short. Made it past the 12 week mark and am now finally in the second trimester! DP however just informed me that he's on night shifts for 3 months, which means that apart from weekends I will only see him for 20 minutes a day. Normally I wouldn't mind and I know he's chosen to do this to save money (he earns more on night) but I can't help but feel a bit miffed that I'm spending the second trimester along apart from weekends where he will be asleep for most of as he needs to stay in 'night routine'.

I have no friends in the area as we live rurally (which I love when DP is around!). I guess I'm just having a bit of a moan (possibly unreasonably) as I've never had a baby before and want him to share my second trimester with me...

Any ideas on how to feel less lonely?

Ahh I hated when my husband did nights. It was a lonely time. He worked loads when I was pregnant, and in my second and third trimester I was off work and in bed rest for weeks for Braxton Hicks, and it was mega boring. I watched all of How I Met Your Mother (love that show!), played Fable on the Xbox and Skyped with friends and family a lot. I also wrote a lot of postcards to people via postcrossing.com and joined a few baby-related message boards. I hope you find stuff to keep you busy! Luckily it’s not a permanent arrangement.

Thanks @WonderTweek - I definitely need a new box set! I am at work during the day so I have company then, but colleagues are colleagues. It's just sad coming back to an empty house most of the time or DP having to rush out after 20 mins of me walking through the door!

It wouldn't actually mind this if I was on maternity leave as it would mean we would have day time together (he gets in at about 3 and only stays in bed until about 1) so we would have lots of time together! It's just when we are both working that it's difficult. I miss him...

You mention "second trimester" three times. Is this a time of particular anxiety for you? Is there some particular risk involved here?

DH was away a lot (overseas) during my pregnancy. It can get lonely.

Look around for NCT classes or pregnancy yoga classes or something. You'll meet other mums to be which is a great support.

Better the second trimester than the third! I'm nearly 33 weeks, DH is self employed and he's getting more work atm than he has all year. He came back today after going away on Tues. I also have a 3yo DS at home to look after.

@SpitefulMidLifeAnimal I didn't even realise I had accentuated it that much. I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks last year and am quite terrified. I am quite an anxious person and think once I am past this 14 weeks my anxiety will maybe (that's a big maybe) clear up a little. So yes this is a very anxious time.

Sorry but I don’t know why he stay in night mode at weeken?

I’ve never know anyone on nights to do this, they just have a nap Friday morning then sleep as normal

You’ll get bed to yourself and more money for maternity

@ivykaty44 he will be asleep until 1 on Friday as he works Friday night , then gets in 3am Saturday, sleeps again until the afternoon and can't sleep in the evenings because he's been on this sleep pattern for weeks. He does try to stay up as much as he can during the weekend but in two days is Beth difficult to get in to a daytime routine and then back in to a night time routine again!

*it is a bit

not it's Beth.

God o love when my husband does nights. When pregnant I went out in the evening, read a lot, hogged the remote and starfished every night. I am very independent, was newly married when pregnant but I like my own space and am happy in own company.

He needs to get up at a reasonable time on Saturdays, no wonder he can't sleep when he has slept all day.

I work shifts and when I finish at 3 I get up anywhere between 9-12

And 12 is rare, only when it's been a long hard week!

@Nicknacky he eats when he gets home and has a shower so is never in bed until 4. Doesn't sleep very well so needs to stay in bed longer to get a good sleep. Having slept next to him for years I know this to be true! He doesn't sleep well at all.

I do similar, I’m never in bed before 5 as I can’t wind down. But even still, no wonder he can’t sleep on a night off. He can get out that habit if he wants to.

I’m not being harsh, I’ve been a shift worker for 15 years but lying in bed until the afternoon isn’t a good habit and you will resent it more when you have a baby!

I'm in my second trimester too. Husband works away Mon-Friday and will do until
I'm about 22 weeks. Upside, as PP have said is that second tri is generally better - you're less sick, can tell people, but not as immobile and tired as third.

Personally I like my evenings to myself (husband has worked away a lot so am used to it) I watch some good TV, read, do a jigsaw (yes, really) chat to my friends.

Think you might need to learn to enjoy your own company - you never know, you might end up loving it!

Mine was at sea under the ocean, and totally uncontactable, for much of my pregnancy, and for the birth. 20 minutes a day and weekends would have been wonderful!

Thanks alll

@scaryteacher that's a shame. It's not a competition however. Just because you never saw your DP doesn't meant 20 minutes a day should be enough for everyone else!

I don't think I said it was a competition did I? Given that he was at sea when I found out I was pregnant, in Norway when I told him, and spent most of the intervening months somewhere under the ocean, it would have been lovely to see him for 20 minutes a day, or even speak to him. I went to my scans on my own, hospital appointments for a problem that cropped up on my own, as my Mum lived 180 miles away; and ds was early, so dh was at sea, and didn't know he was born til 3 days after the event when the submarine came up to periscope depth for messages. Ds was in SCBU, so I could have done with dh being about.

Look, he is there. Presumably if you needed him to he would swap shifts. I found in my second trimester that I was tired and still felt a bit sick, so would get in from work, eat brown rice and cheese, and snooze in front of the TV.

I was a Navy wife til dh retired, and spent lots of time on my own. I hogged the remote, took long hot baths, watched what I wanted on TV, did a couple of things in the village, made lists of what we'd need for the sprog....you have the internet for shopping now, planned ds's room. Pre and post ds, I read a lot, joined a book group, did yoga, (and there usually is stuff about if you live rurally), as my home is in rural Cornwall, stocked the freezer. When the baby arrives you'll miss the quiet evenings on your own. They don't really come back til they hit 12 or so, when they stick to their rooms like glue.

Whilst I missed dh, it was good to have that time alone, to let the reality of being pregnant sink in, to revel in it really, to have time to notice the changes in my body. I didn't get that time and headspace back until ds went off to board for sixth form. You have some time to you; to be you as you are now, before everything changes irrevocably; embrace it and enjoy it. It is the calm before the engulfing storm of being a Mum. I'm still trying to get my head round that one, and ds is 22!!!!

Good luck with it all.