to think that DP should give me a hand?

[CaraDeanna]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and DP acts like nothing has changed at all. Not bothered when I've been vomiting, not asked if I want a glass of water when he can hear me, did no cleaning when I stopped doing it and was exhausted, never asks how I'm feeling... it's like I'm not even pregnant. I told him today that my belly was starting to get bigger and he suggested that it was down to me eating junk food (I'm a size 10 and have had morning sickness the past 6 weeks, I've hardly eaten a thing and when I do finally get my appetite back I need carbs!).

What can I do or say to make him realise that I am growing a human being and it's unbelievably difficult? I feel so lost and I just for once in my life want to be looked after.

How odd. Is it a surprise pregnancy or were you trying? Is he happy you’re having a baby?

@KirstenRaymonde it was planned and he already has a daughter so he must know what pregnancy does to a woman. I can't even explain how down I am about it.

That must be really hard for you. How was housework split before?

Wait for baby to get there? DH doesn't do anything different unless I ask, he will stand and talk to me and just continue talking if I turn around and start vomiting. He's been a bit more sympathetic since he had a vomiting bug and I told him to carry on as normal as he's not given me any sympathy so he wasn't getting any either.

He was like this with dc1, much better when baby got here! Especially after the midwives impressed upon him that he was to do everything for the first week before they left.

@Scarydinosaurs I did a lot more than him but he still did his share. When I stopped, he stopped too then when I said the house was a mess he said 'yeah because neither of us have cleaned it'. Difference is I haven't cleaned because I've been absolutely exhausted and full of sickness. He hasn't cleaned because....no reason?

@GummyGoddess so not just me then...

He is horrible.
No excuse.

Did his daughter's mother leave him?

My dp was exactly the same. Even now at 27 weeks. I just don't think it's as exciting for them so they just brush it off. It's annoying ad hell.

He’s a twat.

Have you had a serious chat, not avoid cleaning but his general attitude and behaviour? Doing stuff in his own home isn’t “helping” or a favour to you. It’s being a bloody grown up.

Sorry you’re feeling so rough and I hope it gets better soon

But no, it’s not normal. First trimester exhaustion is a special kind of hell, even without terrible sickness. He’s really letting you down.

When I was pregnant DH cooked, cleaned, shopped, told me to nap when I needed to, brought me drinks when I was awake and reminded me I was growing a person so of course I was fucking shattered and I didn’t need anything else to worry about.

Because he’s a lovely man and has his priorities straight.

You deserve so much more.

@endofthelinefinally what has that got to do with anything? I'd rather steer clear of comparing my relationship to theirs as that ended 6 years ago. And no she didn't leave him, he left her if you must know!

Sorry to hear this.

Better to quietly get your ducks in a row to become a LP. (I am one).

Better than having a dead weight manchild around as well.

Oh, and congratulations by the way! Mine is 26 now. All been worth it.

Just wondered if he treated her with the same care and consideration.
Sorry if I have offended you.
Hope you manage to work things out.

@endofthelinefinally I just don't think it's helpful. I wasn't there so I wouldn't know.

What anne said is spot on. You could try having a rational conversation with him. Is he normally so unsympathetic (like if you've been ill in the past?) You might be growing the baby but it really is a team effort - he sounds like a poor team member.

Just leave the lazy pig if he's not treating you like a princess

For goodness sake don’t wait until the baby has arrived! His attitude has to change NOW, or you’re going to be your hands and knees, when trying to look after the baby and house. I would tell him if he doesn’t pull himself together you’re quite prepared to be a lone parent.

Thanks all. I just feel like I've gone through the whole trimester alone. It's quite sad actually

I genuinely can't believe that people have children with pigs like this! Was there warning signs before that he's an overgrown man child?!?

I know it can be hard for blokes to get their heads round pregnancy but there is no excuse for the way he's being. Maybe try and have a chat and see if he is feeling overwhelmed/anxious or whatever but then he seriously needs to buck his ideas up. Does he have any decent male friends who you can talk to who might be able to make him see he's being an unreasonable toad?

It doesn't always mean that they will be useless when baby is here. Like I said, DH was actually really good once baby got here, just useless during pregnancy. He did/does loads of nappy changes, did night feeds, does mealtime now dc1 is 18 months, takes him out for hours at the weekend, etc. Always told me I was doing a good job while he was at work and I was at home on leave. Just shit in pregnancy.

He said he went into denial last time as he was worried something would go wrong. I think he's talking rubbish but I know he'll be OK when dc2 gets here in a few weeks.

He was on a night shift last night, I asked him at 2pm if he was going to get up. Was annoyed he came in and played PlayStation after his shift for three hours when he could've gone to bed earlier. I could hardly hear a word he was saying he was just mumbling at me like a Neanderthal. I asked him to talk to me properly and he snapped. I'm trying to clean so I chucked his dirty work bag across the room and told him he does absolutely fuck all and I'm sick of it (I never act like this, I just snapped as I'm so tired of him). He called me a twat. Now don't know what to do. I hate him in this moment.

I just want some damn help and to not have to ask 24/7! I could cry right now.