Aibu to want to take dd out of school?

[pamplemousse]

She’s in Year 6 she’s stressed because of sats, everyone is.
She’s so sad all the time, her friends are being challenging/down right bitchy. She is a tad sensitive to things said to her and she has no buffer for idle comments. By that I mean she’s an only child and doesn’t have that low level mild arguing/mickey taking/insulting stuff that is harmless and can be disregarded, she takes every comment badly.
Having worked in a school myself I do know how hard it is when a child is constantly wanting to tell you the whole he said she said account of things but she feels really dismissed by them and let down.
She plays with a boy and they tease her, a couple of girls stare at her to annoy her and makes her feel uncomfortable, one of them used to be a close friend, they laughed at her when she fell over the other day, I know all these things seem minor but they are adding up in her head and she is in tears saying she hates school and doesn’t want to go, she’s in a foul mood every morning when I wake her because she hates it.
I just wondered if anyone had had a similar situation and how you deal with it? I have spoken to her teacher and the head about past friendship issues but hey really do very little.

From your update it does sound like she's perhaps not very resilient.
I was thinkig earlier that the school could do more or attach her to a nurture group at playtime but if it's a tiny school then they probably don't have the same scale to run those things.

Other posters have mentioned clubs out of school which is a good place to start. She does need to build more resilience and sense of perspective (people staring at her when they happen to see a car go by seems a bit paranoid).

From a secondary perspective, the fact she is struggling with this would be useful info. Could you ask primary to put it on transition notes? (If your area works like ours, we get summaries of key info to help with transition)

I'm not clear if you have approached the school. Schools round my way have home school link workers who do pastoral care. If your school has one book an urgent appointment. If not, speak to the class teacher. There is so much they can do to help her feel better. Lots of schools have nurture groups, do group work on being a friend and so on

My DD is Y5 so no SATS pressure but a lot sounds familiar. She joined Brownies in a village a few miles away. She’s made lots of friends not from her school and it’s really helped her confidence. It doesn’t have to be Guides but building up some friendships away from school could be a really good idea.

If it's really bad, OP, then perhaps find her some CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) outside of school. Having someone to offload to who can offer her coping mechanisms will really help. Also bring it up with the school about how much she is struggling so that they are aware. As a PP said I think it will become much worse and harder for her if she is taken out of school. She will be avoiding the situation, horrible as it is, and will learn that to cope with something she has to leave- this is not a coping mechanism that will help her moving forward in life. As hard as it is to send her into school, I feel it will be worse for her if she is taken out.

To build resilience now in year 6 is going to take more than just keeping her in school for a few days. Have you considered girl guides - great at building confidence? Contact your local group leader directly and explain the situation - they might be able to fast track membership.

Another thing that will build confidence is afterschool Kumon type classes. These things are tremendously social and kids can make really good friendships.

If it was me, I would write a formal letter to he HT stating that despite having verbally requested support for your DD the school is failing in their duty of care and her wellbeing is being effected. Is there a Senco or pastrol care team? I think you need to make your concern more "formal". I agree that taking her out should be the very last resort. It does better to equip her with skills for surviving tough times and that is where the school should be working with you.

Why don't people read threads properly? The op has said twice she has to work yet people keep mentioning home ed

Isadora666 because the title says she wants to take her DD out is school!? Personally I think OP is better off working with school and finding a solution.

The last term of Y6 is notoriously tricky for children, parents and teachers. I was quite close to DS's Y6 teacher who in a quiet moment said she looked forward to it and dreaded it in equal measure every year!

It's challenging on so many levels for them, and I am sorry your DD is on the receiving end of difficulties.

I do feel for you OP. I have a DD in yr 6 too. Lots of dysfunctional friendships between the girls. Little loyalty, manipulation, Queen bees lording it over the less popular children. My DD is looking forward to her next school as there won’t be any of her classmates there. She is just sick of it. It’s taken her a good few years to see through the behaviour of some of her “friends” who just play the most awful mind games. I echo what other posters have said. Friendships outside school - think sports/drama/singing/guides have been a revelation. Genuinely fun caring relationships, much more mature too. I think by yr 6 the dynamics within a class are set, and it’s like they can’t grow and move on.
Schools have been useless at helping my DS with friendships which he finds hard, so I get that the schoolhave been little help, but Id still try again, see maybe the headteacher, and say you don’t feel your daughter is really safe at school because she is having to cope with such hostility on a daily basis. Do a diary for a week. Record each episode of unpleasantness however small it may seem. My DS was bullied at his school. Initially his teacher told me he needed to be “more tolerant” as these were small things. I saw the teacher with the head and listed my DS’s day to day experiences at the school, morning, break times, in the changing room, at lunch, the effect on him, and they took immediate action - purely a matter of presentation. Good luck.

Thelsland thank you! This is what we need to focus on. I only read the first one last night. But tried a few things this morning and that combined with more sleep have made her a little more positive this morning . She is looking forward to after sats when they have loads of things planned. She (and I) becomes bogged down in the now sometimes.
Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply, I think sometimes I just need to talk to grown ups that are parents and not involved!

Nellieellie you describe the exact same situation. Outside friendships will be made! She also can’t wait to go to secondary, which she chose deliberately not where her classmates are going.