I had a chaotic childhood.
It was feast or famine.
During feast we went to private school, my Dad closed down Covent Garden to film , we had garden parties & socialised with famous people of the time.
We were generally left to our devices. At one party I managed to get locked in the bathroom & no one noticed for 3 hours.
Famine was my Dad pissing everything up the wall . My Mum drove 2 hours most nights to drag him out the pub in London.
During this time we lived in a large house & at the of 7 , I & my sibling had to partake in an exorcism.
Famine came quickly & we moved aboard.
We , as kids, settled into country life.
My Dad would go to the pub & come back with a calf.
We were quite wild. We left the house when sun was up & came home when it was dark.
During this time I witnessed my Dad beating up my older brother.
I remember the 3 of us ( I’m the youngest, my 2 bothers are 2, 2 years older) standing in a line & my Dad had a billiard cue. He made us put our hands out to be hit. I was 9 & pulled my hand away. We all got hit one time more because of that.
I cooked Sunday dinner from the age of 9 because if I didn’t we didn’t eat ( my mum was working). My eldest brother left home at 14.
Feast came back . My Dad was one of the first ‘normal ‘ people to feature on the front page of a tabloid. We moved back to the UK.
My Dad had an affair with his secretary.
He left on Christmas Day when I was 12.
For a few months my Mum would get me out of bed at 1am & we would sit outside their flat.
My Dad married her.
My Mum could only be on her own for a few months & married the guy in the opposite house. He had 3 teenage kids.
My dad had twins.
Throughout my teens I probably saw him once every 6 months- he just made excuses when we were supposed to meet.
At the age of 17 (after my a levels) my mum & DSF told me they were moving abroad- I could go with them or find somewhere to live. They wouldn’t support me.
I found & job & a room . I married the guy who I lodged with.
I went to my Dads for the weekend. He got pissed. We went for a walk. He asked me to mediate for him - he had made a huge mistake, I needed to help him get back with my Mum. I refused.
During this time my eldest brother was living in a bus. Funnily enough he made the front pages of the papers- The Times. He was there with his wonderful Mohican during the poll tax riots.
I had a life threatening pregnancy ( the baby died) . I didn’t hear from him. I didn’t hear from him for 15 years. I tried to keep contact but he was living the dream .
He divorced & met a truly wonderful lady. She was so good for him , do down to earth & for the first time he met my 2 DCs.
We tried & formed some sort of relationship.
His partner unfortunately died a couple of years ago.
To present day - he phones me every day & has come completely reliant on me. I hate it. I can’t get over the past.
Sorry for the ramble. I just needed to spew.