To think I'm doing this all wrong and I'm not being the mother I want I be...

[Abneyandteal19]

2DSs one is 2.8 and one is 6 months,

I just feel like each day on my own is so hard and everyone ends up upset...

So DS1 is in full tantrum age which is ok, can deal with and don't get embarrassed at lying on floor in Sainsbury's etc but what I can't seem to do is spend enough time focussing on him because of DS2!!

DS2 is 6 months but huge 10kg and in 12-18 month clothes, he can't sit up by himself yet. He has this habit where any time he gets upset/tired/hungry/bored he scratches his head so much it has bled- I cut his nails every other day, slather his head in cream etc, put socks in his hands at night and naps but can't do it all day as he wants to grab everything/eat etc!! He is so heavy but still unstable if you see what I mean so impossible to sit him on your hip with one hand as he is NEVER still so lurches, throws himself about etc whether happy or not!! So I can't just hold him but still play with DS1. He fights sleep so much I have to hold him which DS1 does not like and so I resort to giving him iPad or tv!

I'm so exhausted and keep thinking that DS2 isn't happy, feel like I need to split myself in two and am always leaving one child crying, it's really getting me down and I only have 7 weeks of maternity leave left!

What am I doing wrong??? How do others manage this??

DH is supportive but works long hours in London with a commute so is out 7-7:30 most days, My parents help out a lot and things are easier when they are here but I feel like I shouldn't ask them to come more than they do as they need to enjoy heir retirement and will be doing one day a week when I go back to work,

AIBU ark think I've got it all wrong and ask how to put it right??

I don't think you're doing anything wrong tbh, it's just a grind.

Is DS1 in nursery at all? If not then a couple of mornings/days a week where you only had one to focus on might make it a bit easier?

Don't think anyone manages it, you just live through it.

It's awkward because they both have needs, but they're different types of needs, so you're having to be a mother of a young baby at the same time as being the mother of a toddler. I think that's where the "split in two" feeling comes from.

I found it helped if I tried to remember crying was communication rather than distress, ie obviously don't leave DS2 crying, but remember that some of the cries are "I'd quite like a bit of a snack" rather than "I'm starving and my tummy hurts SO much".

Thank you that's reassuring to know!
DS1 is in nursery 2 mornings which is great and really good for him but the 3 hours go so quickly and then he's tired in the afternoons which can make them more tricky!! He will get his free hours in September so perhaps that will be easier.

Will try to remember that about the crying, thank you